essay about putting yourself first

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The Unselfish Art of Prioritizing Yourself

Taking care of ourselves and doing what we love is not selfish..

Posted August 17, 2017 | Reviewed by Jessica Schrader

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Most of us are taught from an early age that being selfless is a good thing, and there are many proven benefits of altruism , to both our mental and physical well-being. However, sometimes the messaging we receive to be giving of ourselves, to push ourselves to the limit, be productive, and forgo our needs can be taken to an extreme in our everyday lives. If we’re not attuned to who we are and what we want, we can start to make sacrifices that don’t just hurt or limit us, but actually negatively impact those we care for.

Socrates gave two injunctions: Care for oneself and know oneself. He and other ancient ethicists understood that caring for ourselves is to exhibit an attitude not only toward ourselves, but also toward others and the world, to attend to our own thoughts and attitudes in self-reflection and meditation , and to engage in ascetic practices aimed at realizing an ideal state of being. Maintaining a certain regard for ourselves and engaging in self-compassion and self-care are actually fundamental to creating a good life for ourselves and the people who matter most to us.

Here’s why:

1. When we feel depleted, we have nothing to give.

When we fill our time with responsibilities and constantly prioritize the needs of others over our own, we can drain ourselves of energy and desire. We’ve all experienced the difference between giving from a feeling of having something to offer—happily getting our kids ready, helping a colleague at work, cooking a meal for our partner, doing a favor for a friend, and making ourselves do these same activities because we “should.” The tasks remain the same, but our attitude shifts, largely based on our attitude toward ourselves. If we are kind to ourselves and considerate of our own needs, we are more likely to show up fully for the people to whom we extend ourselves. Otherwise, we may be going through the motions, but not engaging in a way in which everyone benefits—i.e., our kids feel nurtured, our job feels rewarding, our partner feels seen, and our friend feels cared about.

2. Doing what we love recharges us.

When we’re lit up and excited, we have more energy and positivity to offer the people around us. The time a parent “takes off” for a date night or an employee uses to rest instead of working at all hours is not self-centered. Just because it feels good to us doesn’t mean it denies others. In fact, by tending to our own needs and practicing good self-care, we alter the very quality of how we relate to others. Our families, friends, and coworkers get to experience us as the best and fullest versions of ourselves—happy and present.

3. We lose our real selves in the “do, do, do” mentality.

I know many parents who go above and beyond for their kids on a practical level. They literally pack every minute of their day into being chefs, chauffeurs, coaches, and clean-up crews for their kids. I also know people in relationships who focus on doing everything they can think of for their romantic partner. However, when we fall into a cycle of “go, go, go,” we often tally up achievements that we use to prove our worth, but rarely stop to experience what makes our hard work worth it to us. We may sacrifice our own interests altogether or stop enjoying personal connections that make us feel like ourselves. In doing so, we give up aspects of ourselves, but the people close to us also miss out on really knowing us.

4. We can drain others when we don’t get our own needs met.

One of the best pieces of advice my colleague Pat Love gives to parents is to get their adult needs met by other adults. When parents center their entire lives around their kids in an effort to be selfless, they put a lot of pressure on their kids to fulfill their lives and meet their needs. It’s so much better for kids to witness their parents as full and fulfilled people in and of themselves, thereby experiencing their parents’ example and not just their devotion. This is true in all of our relationships. If we don’t practice self-care and find healthy ways to meet our needs as individuals, we tend to have less energy, complain more, drag our feet, feel more resentment, and criticize ourselves and others, all of which can be draining to all the people we are seeking to benefit by setting aside our own wants and needs.

5. We lose ourselves to our “ critical inner voice .”

When we are preoccupied by a drive to be “productive” or “helpful,” it’s valuable to look at what’s pushing us. Are we doing what we do because it makes us or the people we care about happy? Or are we driven by something else? Many of us have an inner critic that tells us we have to achieve certain objectives to be acceptable or worthy. This harsh internal coach tends to attack us from all angles and reinforce the idea that anything we do for ourselves is selfish. When we’re listening to this voice, it’s easy to lose track of what’s really going on around us. Are we living our lives the way we want? Are we really doing justice to the people around us by being present and feeling good? The critical inner voice is a huge distraction that affects our mood and behavior, and it can often be at the helm of an unrealistic desire to be “perfect” and always put others first.

6. We fail to practice self-compassion.

One risk of becoming lost in all the things we "should" be doing for others is that we stop feeling for ourselves. To no surprise, research has shown that being kind to ourselves and practicing self-compassion improves our well-being. It also benefits the people around us. Researcher Kristin Neff has argued that having a kind attitude toward ourselves actually makes us better able to look at our mistakes and make real changes. In addition to self-kindness, she describes two other key elements to self-compassion— mindfulness , which involves learning to accept our thoughts and feelings without over-identifying and being overcome by them; and a sense of common humanity, which means not seeing ourselves as isolated or different in our struggles. Each of these three elements is important to practice because they help us stay attuned to ourselves, who we are, and what we need without judging ourselves too harshly or feeling unworthy or different from everyone else. If we can take time to practice self-compassion, we can feel more comfortable being ourselves, and extend this attitude to others.

7. Our stress hurts us and those close to us.

Our failure to stop and check in with ourselves and make time for the things that are meaningful to us can increase our stress. Filling our lives with responsibilities can generate a cycle in which being stressed feels like the norm. As a society, we are unapologetic about our stress levels, even wearing them like a badge of honor, proving our value. However, stress takes a serious toll on our mental and physical health. These effects often catch up with us and prevent us from enjoying our lives, not to mention affecting how we relate to others, often leading to more conflict, tension, and acting out in our relationships.

8. Driving ourselves can impair our performance.

Research by The Energy Project recently found that workers who didn’t practice good self-care, like getting enough sleep, often have trouble focusing on one thing and are easily distracted. Their findings led the project’s CEO, Tony Schwartz, to conclude , “If you do not put your needs first, then ultimately you will not be able to perform well and show up for others consistently and happily.” Taking care of ourselves doesn’t just make our personal lives better; it also makes us into stronger assets at work.

For many of us, there are good lessons to be learned about being generous and giving of ourselves. However, when we lose touch with the grand passions and tiny quirks that make us who we are, we diminish the quality of our lives. It’s all too easy to categorize certain pursuits as selfish rather than fighting to maintain the things that make us come alive. However, when we do make time for our wants and needs, we are more alive to the world around us, more available, and more giving of our fullest selves. In effect, we are our least selfish, while still honoring our sense of self.

Lisa Firestone, Ph.D. , is a clinical psychologist, an author, and the Director of Research and Education for the Glendon Association.

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5 reasons putting yourself first is the opposite of selfish.

There is a huge myth in our culture that it's time to shake up — the idea that putting yourself first is selfish.

When you love another person (whether it's your partner, a family member or friend), you prioritize thinking about their desires, needs, interests, proclivities and so on, right? This makes sense: we want to make those we love happy; we want to make them feel heard and understood. But loving others doesn't mean that you can't love yourself , too. In fact, perhaps we should all try to cultivate more love for ourselves than we do for others.

What do I mean by that? Well, loving ourselves — by taking care of ourselves first and foremost — ensures that our care for others ultimately can come from a place of inner abundance, a feeling of already being taken care of from within. As a result, we become more giving partners, family members, friends and beyond.

Part of the cultural problem is that most people, perhaps unconsciously, associate the idea of loving others with forgetting about ourselves. Because of this dynamic, we often build up resentments and frustrations that go undiscussed (and can actually end up hurting the people around us without even realizing It).

The long and short of this: in order to be and give your best, you have to start putting yourself first. Yes, that's right. Over your partner, kids, boss, friends, family, dog, cat, imaginary friend … there is no one that benefits from you being in second place. Here's why you need to move yourself to that #1 spot:

The people you love the most love you too.

Your loved ones want to see you happy and healthy. Think about all the relationships that you are a part of and how much better they are when the other person is feeling their best emotionally, physically and mentally. Think about how you feel when you sleep sufficiently each night, regularly exercise, eat healthy food, see friends and family on a regular basis, engage in stimulating work. The list goes on.

By contrast, when you become too far spent and no longer have your full energy, your irritability affects the people you love, not just your own well-being. When you direct partial attention toward yourself, you start to show up in all facets of your life as a partial version of yourself. Your loved ones will feel that, and your relationships will ultimately suffer.

When you're burned out, you simply can't enjoy the good moments in life.

Being overworked, wrecked with anxiety, stress or exhaustion can make everything feel like a chore — even the good stuff like dinner plans with friends or trying to read a good book. Why? Because you need a break. Even though that concert should be a lot of fun, you simply can't be fully present and give your positive energy to the situation if you're running on empty.

When burnout happens, you deplete your serotonin and other "happy hormones" by just trying to keep yourself going. You no longer have the brain chemistry to be happy just being , let alone to enjoy the show or whatever other fun activity you may have planned. Sometimes, saying "no" to seemingly fun plans with friends and family means saying "yes" to your overall happiness (and those of your loved ones), even when it seems counterintuitive.

Resting isn't an option, it's a requirement.

There is never a shortage of "to do list" items to complete, invitations to accept and commitments to make. It's naturally to want to say "yes" to all of it. To people-please. To avoid conflict. To be "nice." The reasons are infinite, which is exactly why it's time for all of us to stop it.

Our psychology and physiology are intimately interconnected. When you don't rest and give yourself a break, your body goes into survival mode, your cortisol levels increase, exacerbating your stress 1 — and burnout becomes a vicious cycle. This means pulling in reinforcements from parts of our brain reserved for things like love, connection and contentment. When you overextend one part of you, everything (and everyone) suffers.

It's OK to politely decline loved ones and say you have other plans, even if those plans are with your couch.

Pushing yourself past your personal thresholds can make you physically sick.

Stress, anxiety, and exhaustion wreak havoc on your physiology 2 . Stress is our internal alarm system that tells us that we are approaching troubled ground. Evolutionarily, stress prepped our body for challenges by pulling in extra resources so that we could survive the problem that was ahead of us. When we need it, stress is a good thing; however, now that so many people are living in a chronic state of anxiety, our bodies are overworking themselves to death.

Stress causes a chain reaction that pulls resources from your mind and body that are meant for use elsewhere. While the internal stress response is supposed to be a temporary emergency occurrence, an overabundance of stress and overuse of our central nervous system and hormones causes our immune systems to suffer. Stress invites sickness and disease to settle in.

Energy transfers to the ones you love.

People feel the energy you bring to every situation . If you are happy, they will observe that. If you are angry, they will feel that, too. Your emotions don't even have to be that extreme for your loved ones to absorb this energy. So recognize that power, subtle as it may be at times.

If you are standing alone in your kitchen and your best friend or a family member walks in, they will pick up on what kind of mood you are in instantly. It's becoming normal to see children testing high in cortisol levels just barely into their teens because they have absorbed the stress of their well-meaning parents.

The best thing you can do for your loved ones is to be the healthiest and happiest self you can be. Sometimes, that means saying no. Sometimes that "no" may disappoint others. But most important of all is listening to the wisdom of your body and your mood. Taking time for yourself serves everyone around you. Trust me, you'll thank me later.

• https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4911781/
• https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5579396/

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11 Reasons Why It’s OK to Put Yourself First

Imagine you just bought a beautiful sports car at the dealership. You were so excited and happy to have this luxury purchase, but after a few months, the newness wears off. But you missed the first oil change and the second, and now you don’t even know how long it’s been since it was serviced.

Eleven Reasons Why You Should Put Yourself First

1. you can get physically sick, 2. no one else can do it for you, 3. you will be able to enjoy the little things in life more, 4. your mood will improve, 5. your relationships with others will improve, 6. you can’t function on little sleep, 7. it increases your confidence, 8. it reduces stress levels, 9. you can enhance mental clarity, 10. increased self-esteem, 11. your outlook on life will improve, final thoughts on why you must put yourself first.

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Why You Need to Put Yourself First and How to Do It

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Before I had my daughter in 2005, at age 32, I spent my time boxing, surfing, traveling the world as part of my job with a tour operator, and fixing up a dilapidated beach house with my husband. I had lots of fun, but spent very little time doing things for other people.

I made time for my husband, my family, and my friends, but I was mostly able to do what I wanted, when I wanted.

Then, we had baby.

For the first year of my daughter’s life, she came before everything else. In a way, it was a relief to look outside myself so completely. There’s a dark side to constantly focusing on yourself. It can lead to a rigid way of thinking, an inability to be flexible or to compromise. If you’re constantly looking at yourself in the mirror, you can’t see anyone around you.

Just as I was coming out of my baby fog, and starting to get back into focusing on my own health, my son was born 2008. Now I had two people’s needs to put before my own.

It took two years until I was able to think about putting my needs first again.

I realized I had swung too far in the other direction, and I needed to put myself higher on my list of priorities . I couldn’t go back to the way I was before kids, but I had to find a way to prioritize health and fitness while building my career , taking care of my kids, and spending time with my husband — all while not getting buried under mountains of laundry.

First, Establish Priorities

I think sometimes people misunderstand what it means to “put yourself first.” It doesn’t mean doing what you want to do all the time. It doesn’t mean ignoring the needs of others. It’s all a matter of priorities and understanding the interplay between taking care of yourself and others.

I have four main priorities in my life: family, community, health, and work. Two of these are self directed: my health and my work. Two equally important priorities, my family and my community, are more altruistic.

The reality is that all of my priorities are intertwined, and the success of one depends on the other.

If I ignore my health, it’s difficult to be there for my family, both mentally and physically. My workouts help stabilize my mood, give me more energy , and prolong my life. This is why I don’t feel any shame putting a high priority on my hour in the gym. It’s not only about looking good in my lululemon pants (although that is a nice side benefit), it’s about having the energy to be engaged and present with my husband and children.

Exercising also benefits my work. Writing requires creativity, and that doesn’t always happen sitting in front of a computer. Biking home from the gym is when I get my best ideas. It’s not a surprise to me that studies show exercise boosts creativity . I experience it firsthand almost every day.

On the surface, it might seem like family, especially kids, would be at odds with health and work. And, truth be told, sometimes they are, especially when the kids were babies. But as I worked through the process of focusing more on my own health and my career, I began to see how my habits benefit my family.

It’s important to me to eat lots of vegetables. Every night I make a salad plus some other vegetable. My kids have grown up seeing all sorts of vegetables appear on their plates, and it’s made an impact. They happily consume salad, broccoli, Brussels sprouts, and kale. (I’m still working on chard.) My kids also benefit from my healthy habits because they are growing up with an example of parents who prioritize health and fitness.

The community part of this equation is interesting. For me, community encompasses my friends, my neighborhood, and any organizations that are meaningful to me. I give back to my community by volunteering monthly at a local soup kitchen, helping the local elementary school, or doing favors for my friends.

These things are all about putting others first, but focusing on community does help me at times, too. If I’ve done a favor for a friend — let’s say watched her kids so she can go to the gym — I don’t feel bad asking her for the same favor. It’s important to ask for help as much as you offer it. It puts you in a vulnerable position, but nothing strengthens a friendship more than asking for a favor.

Volunteering within my community helps connect me to a cause greater than myself, and gives meaning to my life. Having a purpose, and being connected to a larger cause, has a positive effect on well-being and overall satisfaction . Happiness is tied to getting what you want, which does not always happen. Meaning is longer lasting, better able to endure the vicissitudes of life.

How the Whole Life Challenge Helps You Commit to Yourself

Intellectually you may understand how prioritizing your health benefits those around you, but putting this knowledge into practice can be difficult.

That’s where the Whole Life Challenge comes in.

Making a financial commitment and joining a supportive team is a great incentive to start putting your health first.

But before getting started, you have to accept a few things are likely to suffer . Life is full of tradeoffs and you’ll be more successful if you’re also realistic.

During the week, I have to let household chores slide . It’s how I make room for exercise and cooking a healthy meal every night, on top of work and getting kids to various practices and lessons. So, the laundry piles up and I do four or five loads on the weekend instead. In addition, I commit part of each Sunday to meal planning and shopping for food so I can ensure another successful week.

But what is most important is that I don’t try to do everything myself. Everyone in the family pitches in. If you’re worried how your family will react to your newly rearranged priorities, talk it over with them. Reassure them the big things will not change, and explain the benefits of you focusing on yourself.

When You Get in the Way of You

What if the barrier to putting yourself first is — yourself? In this case, it might be useful to think about why you have trouble prioritizing your own needs.

• Is always putting others first part of your identity?
• Do you dislike exercising and eating healthy , and use putting others first as a way to avoid doing those things?
• Another misconception about putting yourself first is that it entails only enjoyable, relaxing activities. This isn’t the case.

When it comes to health, putting yourself first means exercising when you don’t want to or drinking sparkling water when you’d rather have a soda. These things may not be entirely pleasurable , or what you feel like doing, but they will improve your life in the long run.

Review: How to Put Yourself First

• Make a list of your priorities. Keep it short.
• Ask for help from your family and your community.
• Keep a balance between treating yourself and giving to others.
• Remember putting yourself first sometimes involves doing things that are difficult, but benefit you in the long run.

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• Mental Health

If Putting Yourself First Feels Weird, Read This

By Patia Braithwaite

No matter how often someone tells you to “put your own oxygen mask on” before helping others, putting yourself first is tough. Let’s face it, prioritizing yourself was probably complicated in 2018 and 2019. Post-2020? It’s almost laughable. How do you put yourself first when it feels like you’re living through multiple disasters ? How do you say, “I deserve more than this,” when people are suffering everywhere? The short answer: It’s hard but necessary work—and therapists have some tips to make it easier.

The “oxygen mask” metaphor is a cliché because it’s true. No matter how uncomfortable it might be, you have to find ways (or even moments) to prioritize yourself. And even if you know it’s necessary to rest , make time for self-care, or put boundaries around toxic situations, doing it can feel unfamiliar or downright wrong. In the aftermath of setting a boundary, you might wonder: Who do I think I am to assert my needs, or, What makes me think I deserve what I’m asking?

Prioritizing yourself can be “a little bit like swimming upstream,” emotionally focused therapy trainer Robert Allan , Ph.D., LMFT, an assistant professor of couple and family therapy at the University of Colorado, Denver, tells SELF. Why? If you’re a parent or caregiver, the root of your hesitation might be a tear-streaked face or loved one who requires ongoing care and attention. But often—whether you are a caregiver or just, you know, an adult human—it’s more complicated than one person or relationship. You might have gendered expectations (think “good women put other people first”) that make it hard to prioritize yourself, Dr. Allan says. There might also be cultural norms around hard work (i.e., rest is equivalent to laziness) or specific family ideals around showing up for one another (like “love means never saying no”). These beliefs can make it harder to be unapologetic about your needs and desires. So if putting yourself first feels even slightly unpleasant, please know that you’re not alone.

Tried-and-true emotional regulation tactics, like journaling , can help you manage your guilt or other feelings, but Dr. Allan has another suggestion: Enlist a designated person who can say, “You taking care of yourself is something I want for you.” As he explains, “It’s good to have people in your life who love, care, and support you.” Cultivating a community that wants what you want for yourself can help you hold yourself accountable when it comes to putting yourself first.

Setting boundaries or expressing needs may feel like drawing a line in the sand: On one side, we stand alone with the things we want. On the other, it can seem as though there are pissed off people who need us to forget ourselves. Whether that’s playing out IRL or in your mind, Dr. Allan’s advice allows you to assert needs and remain connected to people who love you. By tapping a few friends or family members who encourage you to prioritize yourself, you can normalize addressing your needs without apology . This might help you feel more empowered to make yourself a priority, Dr. Allan explains. If you already know the perfect person to help you with this, here are a few ways they might help out:

If setting a boundary or expressing a need requires difficult conversations with loved ones, check in with your cheerleader beforehand to get a little ego boost. It’s okay to enter the conversation by saying, “I need you to give me a pep talk,” or “I know I’m catastrophizing a little, but can you listen to a few of my fears?” Even though one pep talk might not make the impending conversation easier, it could help remind you that you’re not irrational for having needs.

In almost every SELF story I’ve written about boundary setting, therapists mention that other people might have strong feelings about your choices. The same is true if you’re stating a need. Just because someone doesn’t agree with your boundary or desire doesn’t mean it’s any less valid, Emily Jamea , Ph.D., LMFT, previously told SELF . So if you’ve told your partner that you need more space and they didn’t take it well, it’s okay to touch base with a cheerleader, who might lovingly remind you that your partner’s feelings are just that— their emotions.

You’ve asserted yourself, carved out the necessary time you need for self-care, but in the middle of your nighttime soak, you’re questioning your intentions. Is this self-indulgent? Do I deserve this? Is self-care an excuse to be a terrible person? Instead of immediately jumping out of the tub to apologize for seemingly abandoning your responsibilities, try to finish relaxing, then once you’re out of the bath (or done with whichever calming activity speaks to you), send a text or call the person you’ve designated to remind you that you’re allowed to put yourself front and center. (Maybe they can send you a voice message that you can replay again and again.)

Ultimately, asking someone to support you as you learn to prioritize yourself is such a gentle way of working through complicated feelings. So often, self-care and healing sound like things done in isolation—as if they require you to withdraw from those who love you. In actuality, you deserve support even when you question whether you’re worthy.

So if you’re looking for a sign that you’re allowed to soak five minutes longer, carve out time to see a therapist , splurge on socially distant staycation amenities, or just say no to something you don’t want to do, consider this your sign. And if you know that it will be hard to follow through on prioritizing yourself, ask someone to remind you that you’re worth it. Because, obviously, you are.

See more from our Guide to Caring for Your Mental Health here .

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SELF does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Any information published on this website or by this brand is not intended as a substitute for medical advice, and you should not take any action before consulting with a healthcare professional.

Why It Matters to Take Care of Yourself First (And How to Do It)

Do you ever get that feeling that you’re being pulled into a million directions until you feel like you’ve lost your center, your essence, and your being? Everybody wants you to do something for them, and, of course, you want to help, and you want to be there for them, be their rock, a shoulder to cry on. You know you need to take care of yourself, but that takes a back seat.

The feeling of satisfaction you receive when you help someone is undeniable; when you are there for them, you feel needed. There’s a price to pay, of course.

This emotion or feeling of acknowledgment comes with that price. It’s like a double-edged sword. You keep giving and giving until you feel drained, emptied, and you can’t recognize yourself anymore.

You ask yourself, “How does doing so much good leave you feeling so empty?”

You beg your soul to feed on all the good it’s doing, but it continues to feel starved You can’t escape the cycle because you’re stuck on repeat, and no one seems to want to click on the next button anytime soon.

Here, we are going to help you learn how to take care of yourself and become the best possible version of you, so that you really can be there for those that need you when the time comes.

Table of Contents

What it means to take care of yourself, common misconceptions around self-care.

• Why It's Important to Take Care of Yourself

How to Take Care of Yourself

Final thoughts, more self-care tips.

This is the million-dollar question, right? The answer to this question can either make or break you because the difference between self-care and being self-centered is thin. Taking the wrong step onto the wrong side could mean absolute self-destruction. So how do you find this balance? Does this mean making irrational decisions at work where you give up everything? No. Does this mean being so self-absorbed in your own needs that you begin to develop a blind spot to others? Definitely not.

Taking care of yourself is simply realizing that you’re also important. It means not to unnecessarily and constantly ignore your needs and the things that make you feel good. It can be best described as helping others by helping yourself first. It means prioritizing your happiness and fulfillment without infringing on others.

Let’s face it, we’ll always be needed by people around us—friends, families, and even coworkers—but most importantly, you’re also needed by you. Which would be your priority? Shouldn’t you extend the same kindness and consideration to yourself as you do to those around you? If you’re looking to live your best life, the answer should be a resounding yes.

Over the years, the idea of learning how to take care of yourself has moved through various misconceptions and myths. Fortunately, these are beginning to change as people realize just how important self-care really is. Here are some of the most common misconceptions that need to be busted.

Making Self-Care a Priority Is Selfish

This serves as one of the significant reasons for feeling guilty when we decide to put ourselves first. A kinder, more realistic way of looking at it would be to realize that taking care of yourself replenishes you and helps you take care of your loved ones better. You’ll practically be of no use if you’re constantly being depleted. Ask yourself if you’re really willing to sacrifice your joy and mental health.

People Always Need Your Help

There is a vast difference between being there when you’re needed and constantly hovering and waiting to magically fix everyone’s problem. As hard as it is to hear, you’re not the hero of the world. It is not your duty to save everyone. Not to mention that doing this would only rob the people around you of the ability to learn from their experiences. This inadvertently leads to a toxic relationship with constant dependence.

Boundaries Will Push People Away

There is a law that states you attract what you display. If you present yourself as always available or a rescuer, you’ll attract people that need rescuing. If you don’t set boundaries on how you should be treated, you’ll be continuously probed and pushed until you’re practically living for others, and your life doesn’t seem to be yours anymore. People will always test your limits and sometimes take advantage of your seemingly good nature. For this reason, boundaries are necessary and, yes, healthy.

It’s Bad to Expect Something in Return

While you would like to believe your actions are totally selfless and you expect nothing in return, we often feel resentful when our actions aren’t reciprocated. It would seem easy to blame others, but you have to realize that to take care of yourself is your responsibility, and although some people might take advantage, you need to understand when to set the limit and keep some of that love for yourself.

Your Worth Is Based on Others’ Opinions

Primarily, it all boils down to placing your value on other people’s opinions or desires for you. It all centers on our self-esteem and the confidence to sometimes say no when the situation calls for it. Realize that if you’re loved, you will always be loved for who you are, not what you can provide or offer.

Why It’s Important to Take Care of Yourself

Are you still doubting that it’s important to take care of yourself? It’s time to put that guilt away, because the effects are magical, and the results are practically life-changing.

Improved Productivity

Self-care helps to bring into sharp focus the things that actually matter to you. Placing priorities enables you to focus and direct your energy toward what’s important to you.

Do you ever have those dreams of trips you always wanted to take, but you never seemed to find the time for it? Well, putting yourself first helps you cut down unnecessary laybacks that waylay any and all desires and goals.

Improved Physical Health

In biology, there are two main types of reflex actions: the sympathetic and the parasympathetic reflex action. The sympathetic reflex action is our response to emergencies, also known as the fight or flight response. Research has shown that continually stressing over issues prompts the body to respond with sympathetic actions [1] . This reaction comes about by releasing certain hormones in the body like adrenalin, also known as epinephrine. These hormones in our bloodstream prepare the body by dilating blood vessels, increasing blood pressure, and overall stressing your body and weakening the immune system.

On the other hand, taking a chill pill and relaxing prompts the opposite reaction, which is the parasympathetic reaction that leaves you relaxed, refreshed, and strong enough to resist diseases, improving the health of your immune systems [2] .

Once you learn how to let go of other people’s problems, you’ll find you use your sympathetic actions a lot less often, which is great for both your physical and mental health.

Higher Self-Esteem

When you regularly carve out time to do what you want for yourself, it sends a positive message to your brain and releases endorphins that improve feelings of self-worth and confidence. Besides, it allows you to discover your values and realize your passion. It’s time to recollect your thoughts and discover yourself.

There are different methods of practicing self-care, and the trick is to find which you connect with and which seems to work best with your schedule. It also depends on the area of your life they need to be applied to.

1. Emotional Self-Care

This involves accurately projecting your emotions. When it comes to your emotional health, the best idea would be to lay out your feelings as they are and prevent unnecessary suppressing of emotions. You might feel tempted to bottle up the feelings, but the healthy option would involve accepting and dealing with these emotions. Remember that although you can’t control your emotions, you control how they affect you.

Tips for Emotional Care

• See a therapist. Although this is optional, it can be a great way to talk through your feelings and get clear on what you want and need.
• Reminisce constantly on good memories, as this keeps you positive.
• Keep a thought journal or diary.
• Never be afraid to let it out and cry, and ask for help if you need it.
• Music is famed to be the food of the soul, and research [3] has proven that singing along to your favorite song is bound to improve your mood drastically.

2. Physical Self-Care

The benefits of self-care aren’t just limited to our minds, but it extends to show results in our physical bodies. Self-care is definitely known to improve your physical health. Even the simple act of worrying less exponentially boosts your immune system.

Tips for Physical Care

• Practice yoga to improve your mental state and enhance muscle tone and flexibility.
• Learn a new sport to activate the release of endorphins.
• Take a walk and connect with the scenery and atmosphere.
• Eat healthy to balance your hormones and offer your body everything it needs to keep you energized.
• Ensure you get at least 7-9 hours of sleep, as this improves brain function and productivity.

3. Miscellaneous Self-Care Techniques

Take time to connect with your friends occasionally, deeply. This promotes more satisfying and meaningful relationships, which improves your overall mood [4] .

Never be scared to say no to an invitation you’re too exhausted to enjoy. If you need it, take some time for yourself and put in some solid “me” time.

Meditation always helps. It also highlights a list of things you’re grateful for as it helps keep things in perspective while helping you appreciate the good things your life has to offer.

Learning how to take care of yourself first might be the hardest decision you’ll ever make. However, in the long run, it will also be the best decision as it will allow you to finally become the best version of yourself and achieve all those goals you’ve been waiting to tackle. Get started on self-care today.

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Featured photo credit: Jakob Owens via unsplash.com

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• Tiny Buddha’s Breaking Barriers to Self-Care

“Be there for others, but never leave yourself behind.” ~Dodinsky

Sometimes, when we’re feeling stressed and running around taking care of everybody else, the healthiest thing we can do is to stop and consider how we can take care of ourselves.

While this seems obvious to some people, many of us struggle with the idea of putting ourselves first. We were raised to think we should always put others before ourselves and ignore our own needs—that it is somehow arrogant or self-centered, and not a nice thing to do.

So why is self-care not held in high regard as the essential practice that it is for our well-being?

Here, I take a look at some misconceptions that hold us back from looking after the most important person in our lives, explore why self-care is better for others around us, and share my own list of self-care commitments, as somebody who has struggled with this in the past.

1. We think self-care means being selfish.  

Taking care of ourselves is the opposite of being selfish, as it strengthens us and enables us to support our loved ones better. We are no use to anyone if our energy is depleted because we have given every last bit of it away. Self-care is an antidote to stress, as it builds resilience so we can better cope with challenges.

Just think how they tell us to put on our oxygen mask first on an airplane before we help others. Yes, absolutely support others, but nurture yourself first.

2. We confuse “rescuing” with caring.

We often sacrifice self-care because we’re too busy trying to save everyone else. But people have to learn their own lessons in life, however painful that is. Who are you to decide that you know what is right for them? Now that is selfish, as it’s based on your own desires for them, which may not truly be in their best interests.

The way we can really help is to focus on ourselves and stop trying to run others’ lives. While we think we’re caring by “rescuing” them from unpleasant experiences in their lives, we are denying them the opportunity to face their own challenges, and grow stronger or learn a lesson from doing so.

This has been a hard truth for me to face, as I always thought I was being nice and caring. It’s even tougher to accept now that a close family member of mine is very ill, mostly caused by their own actions. I have an overwhelming desire to help, and have tried on numerous occasions, but I now realize that they have to want to change.

By rescuing them every time, out of what we believe is love, the rest of the family are enabling this person to stay feeling helpless, and we are burning ourselves out with stress.

I don’t mean we should never help people, but there is a difference between providing support for somebody who asks and taking it upon ourselves to save somebody and make their life turn out in a way that we think it should.

3. We are accustomed to relationships based on neediness, not real love.

We often fall in love with the idea of being in love because we watch Hollywood films that portray love as dramatic and needing to be with somebody 24/7.

When we give from this place, we give too much because we believe we have to die for that person and other such dramatic statements. As Ernest Hemingway wrote in Men Without Women , “The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much and forgetting that you are special too.”

Instead of spending our every waking hour thinking about that other person and forgetting ourselves, we (and our partners!) would be better served by focusing on ourselves. This way, we’ll be able to give from a place of wholeness, without expecting anything in return or feeling resentful.

As Rollo May said, “Love is generally confused with dependence; but in point of fact, you can only love in proportion to your capacity for independence.” If we take care of ourselves , we are more independent, less needy of getting attention or affection, and more capable of truly connecting with another human being.

4. We don’t realize we teach people how to treat us.

We teach people how to treat us by our own actions and attitude toward ourselves. By putting signs out there that you are a rescuer and will sacrifice yourself to help others , you attract the sort of people who want to be rescued and for whom it has to be all about them—not a balanced relationship.

Then, you have made it a self-fulfilling prophecy, by effectively bringing about what you always complain that you attract: people who take advantage of your good nature.

Here, it is useful to question whether they have really taken everything we have or if we have voluntarily given it all to them. Yes, they have played a part, but we can’t change them. We only have control over our own actions, so what part did we play?

Also, although this can be hard to hear, there is always a pay-off for us. Is it that you always get to be the “nice guy” or the “victim”? Take a long hard look now…

5. We expect others to take care of us.

While we might believe that our actions are purely altruistic and caring, are we actually expecting something in return?

I have previously been guilty of giving everything and believing I was being nice, but then feeling resentful when they inevitably didn’t give back in equal measure.

I complained to my friends that this or that person didn’t give me enough (and, in some cases, I wouldn’t have been wrong!) It’s easy to complain about what others aren’t doing. It’s hard to accept that we have chosen to give all our love to them and keep none for ourselves, expecting them to fill a gap they couldn’t fill, because it was our own self-esteem that was missing.

Yes, somebody may take advantage of your caring nature, but if you lie down to be walked on, you can’t be surprised when people treat you like a doormat. Your self-care is your responsibility, nobody else’s.

6. We don’t realize our worth.

Ultimately, it boils down to the fact that we think others are worth more than us. If we are confident in our love for ourselves and treat ourselves as if we are worthy, then that is what we will attract back.

Yes, I’m afraid it comes down to that whole self-love thing again! There is a reason why this is a cliché, though, because the key to meaningful relationships really is to love ourselves first.

So, What Does Self-Care Look Like?

Self-care is essential for us all, but looks different from person to person. We are all individuals with different preferences. Listen to your inner voice to find out what makes you content. Sometimes we can’t even hear our own inner voice because we are so busy anticipating the needs of those we care about, so you might have to listen carefully at first.

Below is my own personal list of self-care practices . I hope it gives you some inspiration for ways to take care of yourself.

I commit to:

1. Being fully in and embracing the present moment—mindful living

2. Preparing and eating three healthy meals a day, avoiding sugar fixes

3. Getting outside every day

4. Exercising every day

5. Doing something I enjoy every day—being creative

6. Spending time with positive people

7. Setting healthy boundaries— saying no more often

8. Identifying negative self-talk and changing it to positive

9. Pausing before reacting—do I really want to do this?

10. Getting one thing done every day, and celebrating this achievement

11. Looking after my health, body, skin, hair, teeth—regular appointments

12. Being grateful—starting each day with at least three things I am thankful for

13. Regular yoga and meditation

14. Laughing more and starting the day with a smile

15. Singing or dancing whenever possible

16. Having more fun and taking life less seriously

17. Treating myself with love and compassion—being my own best friend

18. Focusing on myself and prioritizing my needs —not focusing on the lives of others

19. Spending time alone and being still every day

20. Being my authentic self, not what others want me to be

21. Listening to my inner voice/intuition and doing what feels right for me

22. Avoiding over-analyzing a situation

23. Limiting my time on Facebook

24. Not worrying about what other people think about me

25. Getting a good sleep every night

26. Being patient with myself

27. My self-development, no matter how challenging

What’s your most important self-care practice?

About Jo Ritchie

After working in the corporate world for seventeen years, Jo redesigned her life to follow her bliss. She now travels the world running workshops and retreats and speaking about her experiences. Jo uses her background in martial arts, with her training in yoga teaching, coaching, and NLP, to help others find their power within. Visit her at  joritchie.com  and  followyourblissblog.com .

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The Importance Of Putting Yourself First And What It Looks Like

If there’s one thing I have learned over the years that ideally should be taught in schools is the importance of putting yourself first. It’s a hard skill to ace especially when you grow up in a society that glamourises putting others above yourself. What’s all the more saddening is that even in the age of social media , with plenty of information about topics like this one out there, many still find it hard to put it into practice. And that may be due to the fact that not everyone understands the importance of putting themselves first. So let’s dive into that first.

Importance:

One of the first things to understand about this is that in no way does it mean being or becoming selfish. Selfish people tend to only think about themselves without any regard for others around them. Putting yourself first usually means you take into account your own needs and feelings as well as that of others but you do what’s best for you without causing hurt to someone else. And it’s important to do so because get this, nobody else is going to do that for you . Taking care of your physical and mental health is solely your responsibility. Building the life of your dreams is your responsibility. In order to get what you need or desire, you must ask for it because no one else is going to do that for you.

What happens if you don’t:

The thing is when you’ve been this person all your life, prioritising yourself first can seem super daunting because there is little to no experience in that area. But eventually, it leads to feelings of resentment. Feeling under-appreciated, under-valued, suffering from low self-esteem, burnouts, mental exhaustion are some of the common side effects. And why I know this is because I have had a first-hand experience and the pandemic put things into perspective.

So what does putting yourself first look like? Here are a few habits to get started with:

1. realising your own worth and importance.

In a world full of never-ending comparisons and a fixed set of standards, one too many of us find it hard to realise our own worth and importance. This toxic trait has in fact been ingrained into us humans from the very beginning of time itself with either a caste being more superficial than the other or a job, skin colour, nationality, body type.. the list can go on but you get my point. In a society like this, it can take some serious work to recognise self-worth and importance and then use that learning to make changes in your life. But here are my two cents, each one of us is important, each one of us is worthy and each one of us deserves to feel that way. Unless you do, you’re always going to be a mat people walk all over.

2. Checking in with yourself regularly

Us humans, we’re wired to be social and hence possess the tendency of caring for others and that’s why we check in with them every now and then. So why shouldn’t we do the same with ourselves? Whether we’re living a rough life or a smooth sailing one, we all go through a million thoughts on the daily and encounter different experiences and even though they may not be eventful, they’re still stills from your life that in some way or the other have an impact on you.

The famous saying is that change is the only constant and it’s the ultimate truth of life and with so many changes that we go through, it’s crucial we stop for a minute and ask ourselves how we’re coping. If we’re okay with the way our lives are turning out, what needs to be changed, what needs to be cultivated, addressing our thoughts and emotions and finally just figuring out if we’re doing OK.

3. Setting boundaries

Setting boundaries can seem like the most difficult thing about putting yourself first. It seems scary because we’re unaware of how the other person will take it. It’s a natural human tendency to care what people around you think of you. However, for some, it’s easy to assert their boundaries but for some, it’s not and sadly for those, they need to put in that extra bit of effort to do so. Not doing so will result in people constantly crossing you, pushing you to your limits, testing your patience and challenging your threshold and you wouldn’t know how to deal with it leading to anger outbursts, breakdowns and more.

4. Speaking up when required

Speaking up is also somewhat a byproduct of setting boundaries. But it also means expressing your desires, emotions and asking for what you want. Once you train yourself to do this, you will almost automatically never settle for less than what you deserve.

5. Celebrating yourself

Celebrate your achievements—big or small, don’t differentiate because all of us have one life with no knowledge of the timeline so don’t waste time pushing your celebrations or downplaying your achievements. It’s not worth it. But that’s completely besides the point, important nonetheless. The main takeaway here is that appreciating yourself is necessary to inculcate the habit of loving yourself. It’s a vice-versa kind of a situation but it leads to an increase in self-worth and that helps in putting yourself before others with more ease.

6. Establishing a healthy routine

Part of making yourself a priority is also prioritising your physical and mental health. It’s in fact a major part. Establishing a routine tailored according to your needs will only set you on the path of growing to be a happier person. Your daily routine must include enough hours of sleep, eating right and eating on time, working out and a brief time to unwind. These are crucial things to a peaceful existence. Disrupting it for anything else just means you’re not prioritising your needs, ones that nature created and even if you’re not doing it simply because you’re lazy, it shows you don’t care enough. Cheat days are excluded. Think about it.

It’s a sincere hope that more of us start prioritising ourselves and taking care of ourselves. That said, hopefully, these tips should help you make your life a little better if not entirely! And to be a part of more such conversations, don’t forget to join Girl Tribe by MissMalini.

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Why putting yourself first improves your happiness and productivity

Recently, I was at a cocktail party talking to a friend who, like me, is a mother of three children. The conversation progressed into an interesting debate: Is motherhood comprised of 100 selfish or 100 selfless acts a day?

By way of example, my friend explained that she gets up early every day to make her children a healthy breakfast, which she considers a selfless act because she “would rather sleep in.” I retorted that this was selfish because she loved her children, and she values their health and the time she spends with them. Either way, it’s the same act viewed from two different mindsets.

In coaching, I frequently hear the word “selfish” tossed about – often with a negative connotation. Someone feels badly that they were being selfish or that someone else was selfish and it was offensive. Selfishness – the lack of considering others or only being concerned with your personal advantage – can be a great weakness. Clearly, the ability to put others’ needs in front of your own is an important life skill which you need to be able to do without resentment even when it’s completely inconvenient and a sacrifice.

However, I would argue that the motivation behind that decision should be self-serving. In most cases, being selfish is just a matter of perspective, and it’s critical to happiness and self-evolution.

Let me explain…

First, let’s talk about why it is so important to be selfish. As author Brené Brown has discovered in her research on wholehearted living, loving yourself more than you love others is the first and most critical step to seeking happiness and fulfillment.

In fact, she says it is impossible to love anyone more than you love yourself. Taking care of yourself is the pathway to fulfillment and to high performance in work and in life. And, just as importantly, it’s a gift to others.

When your needs are met and you feel good about yourself, it’s easier to elevate the needs of other people in front of your own. It’s easy to be a giver when your cup is full. When you feel half-full or empty, it’s harder to give. You inherently feel people should be giving more to you or others so you don’t have to give so much, or feel you need to preserve more for yourself.

The path to taking care of yourself is not always clear and straight-forward. As your life evolves, the rules change. What works at one stage of life does not work at another. Striving for a sense of purpose must be your constant throughout it all. This does not mean you are always happy or that life is easy. In fact, at times it is very hard and comes with a lot of sacrifice. But your motivation should stem from a feeling of meaningfulness.

Both your past and your present can derail you from this path. It may be messages you received in your youth, the pressures you face in your life today, the tragedies or struggles that you have had to overcome, or the societal influences that swirl around you. They can all have an impact on how you view yourself and your world. You can get confused by your motivations and your mind can trick you into believing your values should be something that’s not actually beneficial to yourself or others.

Here are the most common derailments that can prevent you from finding fulfillment:

Giving too much

When people give too much - continually put other people’s needs ahead of their own - it builds resentment and takes away from their ability to take care of themselves. When their time is so focused on others, they don’t have any time left for themselves. I find people do this when they are uncomfortable asking for their needs, speaking up about issues or delegating responsibilities. Often they hide these weaknesses by focusing on other people so they don’t have to focus on themselves. This not only leads to feeling unfulfilled, but becomes a burden on others who feel they need to take care of the “giver.”

Taking too much time for ourselves

On the opposite end of the spectrum, some people take too much time for themselves, mistakenly thinking that it will lead to fulfillment. They do not “give” enough and it usually makes them feel worse, disengaging them from relationships and putting them on a treadmill of trying to do something that will finally make them feel good. In these cases, they are usually working on the wrong issues. The places where they are investing their time do not actually give them meaning.

Fearing failure

I often see people not put their whole self into achieving something because of their subconscious fear that they can’t do it. It’s easier to come up with an excuse that they have to do something for someone else or make someone else their priority. They are fooled into thinking that focusing on themselves is selfish, often as an escape from facing the challenge and hardship in front of them. It’s easier to divert their attention than face their struggles and weaknesses in order to evolve to the next level of their lives.

Not playing enough

I have written about the importance of play in a previous article and it’s so crucial that it bears repeating. Many people either believe play is bad or don’t even know how to do it. Play comes in all forms – working out, seeing friends, reading a book, going to dinner. Play is what people do when they are not working (at a job, as a parent, as a student, etc.) to enjoy themselves.

Play rejuvenates us and gives us strength and resilience to show up to our lives even in times of struggle. Yet many people see play as selfish and frivolous. Making time for play yields benefits not only to ourselves but to everyone around us.

Like oxygen on an airplane, you can’t help others until you help yourself. So set boundaries if you are overextended and find the courage to express your needs. Don’t confuse your drive to win with your drive to be fulfilled. Never fear failure because it will lead to your greatest breakthroughs in life. And if you need to recharge and reconnect with friends, do it guilt-free as it will be what your body and mind need to move ahead in other areas of your life.

Liz Bentley is a Know Your Value contributor and personal leadership coach. Follow her on Twitter @LizBentleyAssoc .

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Why is it so hard to put ourselves first?

Ever wonder why, in the grand scheme of things, we always find ourselves coming dead last? We make time for others, say yes to endless commitments, or agree to things we don’t want to do in our quest to be ‘a good person.’

We want others to think we are ‘good,’ so we can begin to value ourselves as ‘good’ too. Why don’t we value ourselves from the get-go? Why do we never cross the finish line first ?

‘A good person.’ What does that even mean? We often take a back seat out of the shame and fear of being perceived as selfish. We stop saying “no” to things we dislike, we don’t speak up for ourselves and stay mired in resentment, allowing others to speak over us, or for us. We are guilted into doing things we can’t afford to do, or don’t want to do for myriad reasons, just to keep up appearances.

The problem is, in this quest for ‘good,’ we are doing unkind things to ourselves.

This article will explore some persuasive reasons why you should put yourself first, but let’s start from the beginning…

How Did This Happen?

We’re conditioned from a young age to put others first. Now this isn’t a bad thing; it’s part of life’s give and take. We need to know early on that there are other people navigating life along with us, and that treating them with the same respect we want to be treated with will make our journey more enjoyable.

Somewhere along the line this gets skewed, and for many of us, we end up coming last in nearly everything, all in the name of ‘being good.’

Think back to when you were a child, how often were you told to “be nice,” “kiss your uncle,” or “hug the neighbor”? How often were you forced to tolerate a lot of intolerable people and behaviors all in the name of being a good person? God forbid you didn’t want to socialize because you weren’t feeling up to it, or didn’t want to be forced into kissing and hugging every distant family relation or random adult so that you wouldn’t be labeled a bad child and your parents could save face.

At some point, these conciliatory behaviors became ingrained. So much so, that now, asking for our needs to be met or establishing boundaries is all but impossible for some adults. As you got older, you became accustomed to these expectations trumping your needs and desires until you resign yourself to the fact that ‘it’s just how it is.’

It’s time to be ok with saying no. It’s time to be ok with having space to yourself, uninterrupted, to regenerate and be free of the other people’s demands. It’s important to be free from guilt for wanting to have your needs met.

Re-establishing Boundaries

Fast forward to adulthood. We spend countless hours, and dollars, on a counselor’s couch wondering why we have low self-esteem, why we’re overworked, and why our relationships keep failing.

Putting yourself first is a good step in taking back some of the control you were taught to give away all those years ago. We have confused selfishness with self-care. We have conditioned ourselves to believe that saying no will have socially devastating consequences, but the stark reality is: the ‘devastating consequences’ are internal, not external.

So what are the benefits of putting yourself first? What will happen when you unlearn those enforced childhood lessons and think about your needs and desires for once?

Your Body And Mind Will Thank You For It

When you start putting your needs first, you will see a vast improvement in your mental and physical wellbeing. When you acknowledge your needs, even the most basic ones, such as, “No, sorry, I can’t go out tonight, I’m tired and need to rest.”, or emotional ones, “No, I don’t want to go out, I need some time to myself.”, it’s empowering, and healthy.

Remember: you haven’t hurt anyone by declining an invitation; while they may be initially disappointed, they will survive.

What you have done, however, is take back control… and that feeling is incredibly liberating. You will feel better for standing up for yourself. Physically, you have created space to regenerate and take care of your body by getting that much needed downtime, and mentally, by letting the other person know that there doesn’t have to be a made-up reason, a simple, “No, I just don’t want to go out.” is enough.

It’s ok to say no for no other reason than it’s something you don’t want to do. When you don’t live under the yoke of social obligation, your mind and body will thank you.

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Respite From Resentment

There is nothing worse than saying yes, when you mean no. We fear the consequences of social censure much more than we fear taxing our bodies physically, or overwhelming ourselves mentally to make others feel better and to keep our ‘good guy’ badge.

When you agree to do something you don’t want to do, you end up doing it with resentment. You don’t show up fully because you are too busy thinking about the things you could’ve been enjoying, or that need to get done, but have been put on the back burner in order to place someone else’s needs first.

You also, inadvertently, become a doormat. You open the “take advantage of me” door because you send the message you that “yes” is your default and that you are always accommodating.

Remember: You don’t need to make up elaborate excuses for why you don’t want to do something. No is sufficient for…

When your sister imposes on you for free babysitting for the hundredth time, and you respond with, “No, I don’t want to watch Suzie tonight, I need time to myself.”

When people at work push you to donate to the latest wedding gift, farewell present, baby shower, or “my kid is selling chocolate for charity” fund, just say, “No, I have charities I already donate to.” or “I’m sorry, I’m sure Sally is lovely, but I don’t know her so I won’t be attending/donating.”

When you’ve volunteered at your child’s school bake-sale and this year, you’re tired and just don’t want to anymore, but you’re being pressured by other parents or expected to because of past attendance, a simple “I know I helped out the past three years, but this year I won’t be baking/ attending/helping. I have other plans.” will suffice.

None of these situations are life threatening emergencies and they can all be managed without imposing on you. Your ‘other plans’ don’t require further explanation. That’s part of establishing boundaries. The fact that you have indicated you can’t or don’t want to, is signal enough. People who disrespect your boundaries, or feel they’re owed an explanation are people you don’t need in your life.

Be prepared: when you constantly say yes, and then you start to say no and put your needs and wants first, people will balk. They will be annoyed, even angry, because they are used to hearing an unequivocal “yes” from you. If, after you’ve declined, they still don’t respect your decision, you may need to re-evaluate that relationship.

Your Relationships Will Thrive

You can’t love someone fully if you don’t love yourself or take care of yourself. How could you anticipate someone else’s needs and wants when you don’t have a clear idea of your own?

Everything starts with you: in order to have the capacity to share in a healthy relationship with someone, you need to be able to assert your needs, and allow them the space to safely assert theirs. This is true give and take; when two people can acknowledge what they need without fear of reprisal, or that the other person will abandon them for speaking up.

This isn’t just about romantic relationships; this applies to every person you meet. That elusive ‘good person’ you’ve been chasing all your life? That person is in there, and always has been. The funny thing is, taking care of yourself first makes you a better person because only then can you be fully present, where you want to be, with people you want to be around, and as a result, truly engaged with what’s important in life.

As the saying goes, “You can’t pour from an empty cup.”

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Why you should always put yourself first

by Karley Myall | Feb 15, 2019 | Guest Blog , Lifestyle , MentalHealth

It may seem selfish, but honestly its something we should all learn to do a little more, sometimes we’re so blinded by everything going on around us that we forget to care for ourselves.

Why is it we forget to put ourselves first?

Maybe because we was always told to be kind and loving towards other people and that it was selfish if we didn’t care for those around us. That everyone around us should be happy and if we make them happy we’re doing something right. Its not to say we shouldn’t give our love to the ones that we care about, but we should never loose love for ourselves.

The problem is, when we’re so used to giving what we have to others, sometimes we can forget to care for ourselves, forget to love ourselves and often help ourselves when we begin to struggle, because we’re so invested in caring for others that need help, which is why we should always come first.

It will make you feel more confident. Confidence is something that many of us don’t feel sometimes and it can honestly ruin the way we see ourselves, if our self-esteem is low, we won’t feel confident at all. If we start putting ourselves first, it will improve our confidence and the way we see ourselves. Having confidence means that we are comfortable and that we value ourselves as much as we value others. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to spend your money on you once in a while, at the end of the day you earned it, but sometimes it may feel like should give it your loved ones, but treat yourself, get a new hair cut, get your nails done, go on a shopping spree, it’s ok to give yourself some self love, don’t be afraid to do so.

We often forget to just take a break and relax. Of course, its hard when we have busy schedules and we simply can’t just sit down for a cup of tea or go to a spa. But sometimes, we just need to detox from the hectic life and take a nice bubble bath, have a beer and tuck in to a yummy cake and just breathe. Sometimes we would rather put everyone else before ourselves, if they’ve got problems, we’re there to sort them, wipe their tears away. It can be that we’re so caught up in the problems they have, that we actually find ourselves becoming depressed because we don’t think about how its affecting us, helping others or the fact that we simply just don’t take care of ourselves.

However, if you’re unhappy, stressed and burnt out, you will not be good to yourself or anybody else. Remember to take care of yourself and your mental health, only when you’re on track and feeling good, then offer help to those around you if they need it.

If you constantly say ‘yes’ to things that you really don’t want to do, you’re letting people walk all over you. Being there for help and being kind is one thing but letting people treat you like a pushover is something that you should never allow. When you are too kind or pleasing, some people will take it for granted. They don’t always appreciate everything you do for them and they might not value you for using your personal time you’re using to be there for them. Some people will take advantage of your kind heart if you let them.

There is a huge difference between being selfish and putting yourself first. Being selfish means you are self-absorbed and that you don’t care about anybody or anything but yourself. By putting yourself first means being as kind to yourself as you are to others. It means taking care of yourself so you can be more productive and organised and a better person in general. It means just loving yourself a little more and thats not selfish, its necessary.

The people around you will actually benefit from it, your relationships and friendships with others will improve because you’re feeling happier and your loving yourself a little more, rather than feeling sad and worn out because you just don’t simply have the ‘time’ for yourself. Just because you’re not always putting them first, that’s ok, if they care about you they’ll understand that you come first.

Its not just all about your physical appearance, it also means taking care of your mental health. Have you ever realised that after a crazy, stressful week of working long hours and feeling overwhelmed, then you finally make it to the weekend only to wake up sick and you’re stuck in bed? This is the outcome, if you do not put yourself first, your body will force you too. Its a bit like exercising, if you don’t take a break from it once in a while, your body will feel so runned down that you’ll have to take a break.

The most important aspect of all this, is that your relationship with yourself will be better. When you learn to put yourself first, only then will you be able to really get to know who you are and how strong you’re and when you’re down, you’ll know how to help yourself. You’ll discover yourself in ways you never thought possible and you will value yourself more. You will of course be there for people who are important to you but you won’t let them take advantage.

You will learn your likes and dislikes because before you did not have the opportunity to do so, because you kept putting yourself last. Be your own priority and remember that the key to happiness and good relationships with others is by taking care of yourself and loving yourself.

Remember to have time to yourself, there’s nothing wrong with needing a day or two to yourself. Don’t ever feel bad for putting yourself first, because you need to in order to live a healthier life. Love those around you, but just don’t let them take advantage, when its you that needs the help the most.

Just remember your worth and that you come first and you’re the only one that matters when it comes to feeling better mentally and physically. 

https://www.facebook.com/BeckyCares/

https://www.counsellorwhocares.co.uk

       Journalism Student

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The Healthy, Selfless Act of Putting Ourselves First

Helping Others in Need: Importance of Prioritizing Yourself

• Categories: Compassion Empathy Helping Others

About this sample

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Published: Aug 31, 2023

Words: 1389 | Pages: 3 | 7 min read

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Introduction, the value of helping yourself before others, the reciprocity of helping: a harsh reality, the power of self-care, works cited.

• Lokos, A. (2012). Patience: The Art of Peaceful Living. Penguin.
• Rosenberg, M. B. (2003). Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life. PuddleDancer Press.
• Stosny, S. (2010). Empathy and Self-Compassion. Psychology Today

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Put Yourself First. It’s Key to a Thriving Relationship

Nov 17, 2021

By Best Self

If you want to create a deeply connected, long-lasting partnership, this advice can feel counter-intuitive. How can putting yourself first be the key to a thriving relationship? 

Here’s the thing...

We’ve been conditioned to believe that putting ourselves first is ‘selfish’. As a result, it’s not uncommon for people to have a tendency to put others’ needs ahead of their own. We’ve been told that this behavior makes us kind, loving, and giving. 

However, giving is just one side of the coin. If we give to the point of not allowing ourselves to receive the things we care about, we can become resentful, bitter, and even unhappy - none of which leads to a thriving relationship. 

Turns out that putting your needs first is crucial for having balance in your life and in your relationships. If you don’t, you’ll run into burnout at work, home, and in general - because you’re filling from an empty cup.

Prioritizing your needs doesn’t mean you’re in total disregard for others’ feelings and needs! It means you’re putting your oxygen mask on first— so you are better equipped to help others.

But how do you do this in practice? 

This article contains five proven strategies you can try today... 

1. Cultivate self-awareness.

Self-awareness is the first step. Being aware of your needs is crucial. Knowing your needs allows you to operate at your highest potential. Allowing you to live a happier, more fulfilled life. 

Once you’ve clearly established your needs you can begin to set boundaries and balance your life accordingly.

Consistently denying your own needs or putting them last is self-betrayal. When you betray yourself you end up unhappy. And often wondering why.

This concept might seem foreign to you. Many people glorify self-sacrifice. But the truth is, you cannot give your greatest without putting yourself first.

Need help discovering what matters most to you? Check out the Self-Discovery Deck . It includes 50 thought-provoking questions that guide you to be more self-aware, explore who you are, and what you want in life.

2. Make your needs a priority to prevent resentment.

When your needs are consistently last on the list, resentment builds. If you’re continually putting your partner’s needs before your own, you begin to resent your partner. You start to see your partner as a source of stress. You begin to see them as the reason your needs are coming in second.

The tricky thing is, your partner might not be aware this is happening. Or, your partner might be doing it unintentionally. Essentially you start to resent them for something you are responsible for. Which is your own needs.

It’s important for both of you to be doing regular self-evaluations. Notice what’s getting the most time and attention in your life.

Set the precedent from the start regarding your needs. Doing this helps avoid slipping into that space of resentment. Once you start to see your partner as a source of this feeling, it can be difficult to navigate out of this space.

The Relationships Journals contain plenty of practice designed to spark the insight and conversations that ensure your relationship thrives. Discover more here . 

3. Prioritize self-care. Fill your own cup.

When you give too much of yourself, you start to feel depleted. Self-care is crucial for everyone. If you haven’t fulfilled your own needs, it makes it that much harder to fulfill the needs of someone else. There is nothing left to give.

Self-care doesn’t have to be luxurious (but can be if you’d like). There are so many ways to schedule self-care into your daily schedule. 

Trust us when we say don’t skip it.

You can schedule 30 minutes of alone time right when you wake up or start implementing healthy sleep habits. Write it down and don’t allow yourself to skip it.

Build upon the habit and it will get easier.

Spending quality time on self-care isn’t something you only do occasionally. It’s critical for your well-being. It is essential for being your best self.

When your own cup is full you give from your overflow. Trying to do otherwise leads you to feel depleted, resentful, or unmotivated— and this can have a detrimental impact on the quality of your relationships.

4. Give 100%

Relationships thrive when both parties are giving 100%. Sometimes when life’s hardships come down on us, one partner might need to step in and give more. Generally speaking, when both parties are all in at 100—you experience the most out of your partnership.

When you have filled your own cup to 100%—you are able to give. You can fill from your overflow and not deplete yourself.

This ‘selfishness’ allows you to be a better partner. You simply cannot give what you don’t have.

Both parties need to be consistently filling their own cups. And yes, it does require some work. 

It’s not 50/50. A loving partnership that lasts requires both people at 100.

5. Cut the risk of codependency.

Codependency is a space you fall into when you don’t put yourself first. Co-dependency can be relying on your partner for your entire source of happiness. Or where you derive your sole purpose from your connection together. 

Codependency wears a lot of hats. It can look like the need to do everything together. Or determining your entire mood for the day based on your partner’s mood.

Emotions will waver from one minute to the next. We’re responsible for regulating our own feelings, but taking on our partner’s is a form of co-dependency. This can make it hard for you to regulate your own emotions while you are taking on someone else’s

Codependency can also be considered a one-sided relationship. One partner may give more of themselves or take on a certain role. This role can resemble a care-taker like a nurse or a parent. This partner believes their value is found in fulfilling this role.

The co-dependant may become resentful when they feel their efforts are not matched. Co-dependents often fall upset when the other person fails to reciprocate their same level of effort. Even if their partner didn’t ask them to take on the extra work.

They also can become addicted to being in a relationship— and will stop at nothing in order to stay in one.

Falling into the role of a co-dependant has many unfavorable results. The person who betrays themselves for the needs of their partner will never feel fulfilled.

The best way to avoid becoming codependent is to have a strong sense of self. Practicing putting yourself first gets easier over time. It is the best way to avoid slipping into a co-dependent state.

Have your own sets of activities, desires, and a sense of who you are outside your partner. This cultivates a healthy sense of self. Being able to come to the table of life fully and authentically.

You owe it to yourself to have moments of total separateness from your partner.

This way your relationship is not your only source of happiness. Yet in turn, this makes your relationship even stronger.

Putting yourself first enhances your relationship.

Putting yourself first isn’t selfish. It enables you to be a better partner.

Filling your cup should be a priority in your life regardless of your relationship status. But when you are completely filled from within, you have the capacity to give to your partner.

Operating at full capacity will make it easier to provide your partner with the best version of you. And when you are both showing up as your best self— you have better relationships.

Relationship Journals - For relationships that work

If you want to invest in the kind of relationship ‘work’ that deepens your connection and inspires partnership, the Relationship Journals are for you.

This 13-week, guided journey is designed to be taken with your partner. Each week is themed. Self-discovery activities open up conversations that lead to a deeper sense of appreciation, understanding, and ultimately love. 

In a busy, hyper-distracted world, it’s easy to get caught in the superficial and surface-level. 

The relationship Journals help you cultivate a level of depth, understanding, and togetherness that can help you co-create the relationship you always wanted. 

Start your journey today when you buy your two-pack of journals here.  

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The importance of putting yourself first, sometimes it's ok to be selfish..

Number one on my list of New Year's resolutions: "Start putting yourself first."

For a long time, I struggled with this concept. Doesn’t that seem selfish? Isn’t that the complete opposite of what we have been encouraged to do while growing up? Yes, and yes. We have been trained our whole lives to put others first, and to give all we have to offer. While caring so strongly for others is an incredibly admirable trait, constantly making other people’s happiness a priority compromises our own.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I do think it is very important to try to contribute to other people’s happiness; there is no greater feeling than knowing you impacted someone in a positive way. The second it makes me feel like I am losing myself is the very second I start to have a problem. Giving and giving until you have nothing left, just to please someone else, is not healthy. By no means should someone else’s happiness ever take away from your own.

For me, the idea of putting others before myself manifested as a problem in my early high school years. I realized I was putting effort into relationships without much in return. I offered (to those who needed it) a shoulder to cry on, advice at any given time (even at 2 a.m. when I knew I had to wake up early), and undivided attention whenever they needed someone to listen. I was happy to help; I loved that I could be there for them. Whenever I needed someone to be there for me, I found very few people who would do the same, especially with sincerity. This created a pattern of unhealthy relationships in which I would give endlessly, only to find that I could not rely on them to do the same. I felt taken for granted, and rather unloved. How could I possibly care so much for someone and not have the feeling returned? Each and every time I needed support and couldn't find it, I became more cognizant of the unhealthy relationships I was investing in. My consistent concern for others was subverting my own happiness.

I am not saying you should ever expect anything in return when giving to others; what I am saying is that you should know what you deserve, and know when to walk away from something that is not contributing to your personal happiness or growth. Constantly putting others before yourself can lead to one-way relationships in which you may feel like your personal needs are not being satisfied.

My advice: don’t settle. If people can’t be there for you the way you are for them, step back. If they are hurting you more than helping you, walk away. If they can’t love you the way you love them, move on.

P ut yourself first. Remove negative factors from your life, and don’t be afraid to walk away from anyone or anything that isn’t helping you grow.

While it’s great to care for others, caring for yourself is imperative. So, yes, maybe it is selfish. But maybe it’s OK to be selfish. All I’m saying is that if you’re happy, you’re clearly doing something right.

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25 beatles lyrics: your go-to guide for every situation, the best lines from the fab four.

For as long as I can remember, I have been listening to The Beatles. Every year, my mom would appropriately blast “Birthday” on anyone’s birthday. I knew all of the words to “Back In The U.S.S.R” by the time I was 5 (Even though I had no idea what or where the U.S.S.R was). I grew up with John, Paul, George, and Ringo instead Justin, JC, Joey, Chris and Lance (I had to google N*SYNC to remember their names). The highlight of my short life was Paul McCartney in concert twice. I’m not someone to “fangirl” but those days I fangirled hard. The music of The Beatles has gotten me through everything. Their songs have brought me more joy, peace, and comfort. I can listen to them in any situation and find what I need. Here are the best lyrics from The Beatles for every and any occasion.

And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make

The End- Abbey Road, 1969

The sun is up, the sky is blue, it's beautiful and so are you

Dear Prudence- The White Album, 1968

Love is old, love is new, love is all, love is you

Because- Abbey Road, 1969

There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be

All You Need Is Love, 1967

Life is very short, and there's no time for fussing and fighting, my friend

We Can Work It Out- Rubber Soul, 1965

He say, "I know you, you know me", One thing I can tell you is you got to be free

Come Together- Abbey Road, 1969

Oh please, say to me, You'll let me be your man. And please say to me, You'll let me hold your hand

I Wanna Hold Your Hand- Meet The Beatles!, 1964

It was twenty years ago today, Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play. They've been going in and out of style, but they're guaranteed to raise a smile

Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band-1967

Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see

Strawberry Fields Forever- Magical Mystery Tour, 1967

Can you hear me? When it rains and shine, it's just a state of mind

Rain- Paperback Writer "B" side, 1966

Little darling, it's been long cold lonely winter. Little darling, it feels like years since it' s been here. Here comes the sun, Here comes the sun, and I say it's alright

Here Comes The Sun- Abbey Road, 1969

We danced through the night and we held each other tight, and before too long I fell in love with her. Now, I'll never dance with another when I saw her standing there

Saw Her Standing There- Please Please Me, 1963

I love you, I love you, I love you, that's all I want to say

Michelle- Rubber Soul, 1965

You say you want a revolution. Well you know, we all want to change the world

Revolution- The Beatles, 1968

All the lonely people, where do they all come from. All the lonely people, where do they all belong

Eleanor Rigby- Revolver, 1966

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends

With A Little Help From My Friends- Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, 1967

Hey Jude, don't make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better

Hey Jude, 1968

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. Now it looks as though they're here to stay. Oh, I believe in yesterday

Yesterday- Help!, 1965

And when the brokenhearted people, living in the world agree, there will be an answer, let it be.

Let It Be- Let It Be, 1970

And anytime you feel the pain, Hey Jude, refrain. Don't carry the world upon your shoulders

I'll give you all i got to give if you say you'll love me too. i may not have a lot to give but what i got i'll give to you. i don't care too much for money. money can't buy me love.

Can't Buy Me Love- A Hard Day's Night, 1964

All you need is love, love is all you need

All You Need Is Love- Magical Mystery Tour, 1967

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

Blackbird singing in the dead of night, take these broken wings and learn to fly. all your life, you were only waiting for this moment to arise.

Blackbird- The White Album, 1968

Though I know I'll never lose affection, for people and things that went before. I know I'll often stop and think about them. In my life, I love you more

In My Life- Rubber Soul, 1965

While these are my 25 favorites, there are quite literally 1000s that could have been included. The Beatles' body of work is massive and there is something for everyone. If you have been living under a rock and haven't discovered the Fab Four, you have to get musically educated. Stream them on Spotify, find them on iTunes or even buy a CD or record (Yes, those still exist!). I would suggest starting with 1, which is a collection of most of their #1 songs, or the 1968 White Album. Give them chance and you'll never look back.

14 Invisible Activities: Unleash Your Inner Ghost!

Obviously the best superpower..

The best superpower ever? Being invisible of course. Imagine just being able to go from seen to unseen on a dime. Who wouldn't want to have the opportunity to be invisible? Superman and Batman have nothing on being invisible with their superhero abilities. Here are some things that you could do while being invisible, because being invisible can benefit your social life too.

1. "Haunt" your friends.

Follow them into their house and cause a ruckus.

2. Sneak into movie theaters.

Going to the cinema alone is good for your mental health , says science

Considering that the monthly cost of subscribing to a media-streaming service like Netflix is oft...

Free movies...what else to I have to say?

3. Sneak into the pantry and grab a snack without judgment.

Late night snacks all you want? Duh.

4. Reenact "Hollow Man" and play Kevin Bacon.

America's favorite son? And feel what it's like to be in a MTV Movie Award nominated film? Sign me up.

5. Wear a mask and pretend to be a floating head.

Just another way to spook your friends in case you wanted to.

6. Hold objects so they'll "float."

"Oh no! A floating jar of peanut butter."

7. Win every game of hide-and-seek.

Just stand out in the open and you'll win.

8. Eat some food as people will watch it disappear.

Even everyday activities can be funny.

9. Go around pantsing your friends.

Even pranks can be done; not everything can be good.

10. Not have perfect attendance.

You'll say here, but they won't see you...

11. Avoid anyone you don't want to see.

Whether it's an ex or someone you hate, just use your invisibility to slip out of the situation.

12. Avoid responsibilities.

Chores? Invisible. People asking about social life? Invisible. Family being rude? Boom, invisible.

13. Be an expert on ding-dong-ditch.

Never get caught and have the adrenaline rush? I'm down.

14. Brag about being invisible.

Be the envy of the town.

But don't, I repeat, don't go in a locker room. Don't be a pervert with your power. No one likes a Peeping Tom.

Good luck, folks.

19 Lessons I'll Never Forget from Growing Up In a Small Town

There have been many lessons learned..

Small towns certainly have their pros and cons. Many people who grow up in small towns find themselves counting the days until they get to escape their roots and plant new ones in bigger, "better" places. And that's fine. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought those same thoughts before too. We all have, but they say it's important to remember where you came from. When I think about where I come from, I can't help having an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for my roots. Being from a small town has taught me so many important lessons that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

1. The importance of traditions.

Sometimes traditions seem like a silly thing, but the fact of it is that it's part of who you are. You grew up this way and, more than likely, so did your parents. It is something that is part of your family history and that is more important than anything.

2. How to be thankful for family and friends.

No matter how many times they get on your nerves or make you mad, they are the ones who will always be there and you should never take that for granted.

3. How to give back.

When tragedy strikes in a small town, everyone feels obligated to help out because, whether directly or indirectly, it affects you too. It is easy in a bigger city to be able to disconnect from certain problems. But in a small town those problems affect everyone.

4. What the word "community" really means.

Along the same lines as #3, everyone is always ready and willing to lend a helping hand when you need one in a small town and to me that is the true meaning of community. It's working together to build a better atmosphere, being there to raise each other up, build each other up, and pick each other up when someone is in need. A small town community is full of endless support whether it be after a tragedy or at a hometown sports game. Everyone shows up to show their support.

5. That it isn't about the destination, but the journey.

People say this to others all the time, but it takes on a whole new meaning in a small town. It is true that life is about the journey, but when you're from a small town, you know it's about the journey because the journey probably takes longer than you spend at the destination. Everything is so far away that it is totally normal to spend a couple hours in the car on your way to some form of entertainment. And most of the time, you're gonna have as many, if not more, memories and laughs on the journey than at the destination.

6. The consequences of making bad choices.

Word travels fast in a small town, so don't think you're gonna get away with anything. In fact, your parents probably know what you did before you even have a chance to get home and tell them. And forget about being scared of what your teacher, principle, or other authority figure is going to do, you're more afraid of what your parents are gonna do when you get home.

7. To trust people, until you have a reason not to.

Everyone deserves a chance. Most people don't have ill-intentions and you can't live your life guarding against every one else just because a few people in your life have betrayed your trust.

8. To be welcoming and accepting of everyone.

While small towns are not always extremely diverse, they do contain people with a lot of different stories, struggle, and backgrounds. In a small town, it is pretty hard to exclude anyone because of who they are or what they come from because there aren't many people to choose from. A small town teaches you that just because someone isn't the same as you, doesn't mean you can't be great friends.

9. How to be my own, individual person.

In a small town, you learn that it's okay to be who you are and do your own thing. You learn that confidence isn't how beautiful you are or how much money you have, it's who you are on the inside.

10. How to work for what I want.

Nothing comes easy in life. They always say "gardens don't grow overnight" and if you're from a small town you know this both figuratively and literally. You certainly know gardens don't grow overnight because you've worked in a garden or two. But you also know that to get to the place you want to be in life it takes work and effort. It doesn't just happen because you want it to.

11. How to be great at giving directions.

If you're from a small town, you know that you will probably only meet a handful of people in your life who ACTUALLY know where your town is. And forget about the people who accidentally enter into your town because of google maps. You've gotten really good at giving them directions right back to the interstate.

12. How to be humble .

My small town has definitely taught me how to be humble. It isn't always about you, and anyone who grows up in a small town knows that. Everyone gets their moment in the spotlight, and since there's so few of us, we're probably best friends with everyone so we are as excited when they get their moment of fame as we are when we get ours.

13. To be well-rounded.

Going to a small town high school definitely made me well-rounded. There isn't enough kids in the school to fill up all the clubs and sports teams individually so be ready to be a part of them all.

14. How to be great at conflict resolution.

In a small town, good luck holding a grudge. In a bigger city you can just avoid a person you don't like or who you've had problems with. But not in a small town. You better resolve the issue fast because you're bound to see them at least 5 times a week.

15. The beauty of getting outside and exploring.

One of my favorite things about growing up in a rural area was being able to go outside and go exploring and not have to worry about being in danger. There is nothing more exciting then finding a new place somewhere in town or in the woods and just spending time there enjoying the natural beauty around you.

16. To be prepared for anything.

You never know what may happen. If you get a flat tire, you better know how to change it yourself because you never know if you will be able to get ahold of someone else to come fix it. Mechanics might be too busy , or more than likely you won't even have enough cell service to call one.

17. That you don't always have to do it alone.

It's okay to ask for help. One thing I realized when I moved away from my town for college, was how much my town has taught me that I could ask for help is I needed it. I got into a couple situations outside of my town where I couldn't find anyone to help me and found myself thinking, if I was in my town there would be tons of people ready to help me. And even though I couldn't find anyone to help, you better believe I wasn't afraid to ask.

18. How to be creative.

When you're at least an hour away from normal forms of entertainment such as movie theaters and malls, you learn to get real creative in entertaining yourself. Whether it be a night looking at the stars in the bed of a pickup truck or having a movie marathon in a blanket fort at home, you know how to make your own good time.

19. To brush off gossip.

It's all about knowing the person you are and not letting others influence your opinion of yourself. In small towns, there is plenty of gossip. But as long as you know who you really are, it will always blow over.

Grateful Beyond Words: A Letter to My Inspiration

I have never been so thankful to know you..

I can't say "thank you" enough to express how grateful I am for you coming into my life. You have made such a huge impact on my life. I would not be the person I am today without you and I know that you will keep inspiring me to become an even better version of myself.

You have taught me that you don't always have to strong. You are allowed to break down as long as you pick yourself back up and keep moving forward. When life had you at your worst moments, you allowed your friends to be there for you and to help you. You let them in and they helped pick you up. Even in your darkest hour you showed so much strength. I know that you don't believe in yourself as much as you should but you are unbelievably strong and capable of anything you set your mind to.

Your passion to make a difference in the world is unbelievable. You put your heart and soul into your endeavors and surpass any personal goal you could have set. Watching you do what you love and watching you make a difference in the lives of others is an incredible experience. The way your face lights up when you finally realize what you have accomplished is breathtaking and I hope that one day I can have just as much passion you have.

SEE MORE: A Letter To My Best Friend On Her Birthday

The love you have for your family is outstanding. Watching you interact with loved ones just makes me smile . You are so comfortable and you are yourself. I see the way you smile when you are around family and I wish I could see you smile like this everyday. You love with all your heart and this quality is something I wished I possessed.

You inspire me to be the best version of myself. I look up to you. I feel that more people should strive to have the strength and passion that you exemplify in everyday life.You may be stubborn at points but when you really need help you let others in, which shows strength in itself. I have never been more proud to know someone and to call someone my role model. You have taught me so many things and I want to thank you. Thank you for inspiring me in life. Thank you for making me want to be a better person.

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life..

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Don't freak out

This is a rule you should continue to follow no matter what you do in life, but is especially helpful in this situation.

Email the professor

Around this time, professors are getting flooded with requests from students wanting to get into full classes. This doesn't mean you shouldn't burden them with your email; it means they are expecting interested students to email them. Send a short, concise message telling them that you are interested in the class and ask if there would be any chance for you to get in.

Attend the first class

Often, the advice professors will give you when they reply to your email is to attend the first class. The first class isn't the most important class in terms of what will be taught. However, attending the first class means you are serious about taking the course and aren't going to give up on it.

Keep attending class

Every student is in the same position as you are. They registered for more classes than they want to take and are "shopping." For the first couple of weeks, you can drop or add classes as you please, which means that classes that were once full will have spaces. If you keep attending class and keep up with assignments, odds are that you will have priority. Professors give preference to people who need the class for a major and then from higher to lower class year (senior to freshman).

Have a backup plan

For two weeks, or until I find out whether I get into my waitlisted class, I will be attending more than the usual number of classes. This is so that if I don't get into my waitlisted class, I won't have a credit shortage and I won't have to fall back in my backup class. Chances are that enough people will drop the class, especially if it is very difficult like computer science, and you will have a chance. In popular classes like art and psychology, odds are you probably won't get in, so prepare for that.

Remember that everything works out at the end

Life is full of surprises. So what if you didn't get into the class you wanted? Your life obviously has something else in store for you. It's your job to make sure you make the best out of what you have.

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Why You Should Always Put Yourself First In Life & How To Do It

It’s time to blow the lid off a huge myth in our culture — the idea that it’s selfish to put yourself first. Sure, no one wants to be that girl that truly thinks that the world should cater to her schedule and desires. Still, putting yourself first doesn’t make you a terrible person. When you love someone else, it’s natural to want to prioritize their desires and needs. You want to make them happy , right? But, loving others doesn’t mean that you can’t love yourself, too.

The bottom line is that we have to take care of ourselves. You can’t save anybody else and you definitely can’t force the world to change. You’re the only thing in this world that you have full control over. If you’re running on empty, you have absolutely no energy to put into others. Here’s why putting your own physical/mental/emotional needs first puts you in the position to actually be selfless. In addition, we’ve included some tips on how to put this shift into practice.

Why you should put yourself first in life

• Burnout is real, and it’s a bitch. Pushing yourself constantly will always eventually lead to complete and total burnout . You won’t be able to do much more than order takeout from under the covers if your situation gets that bad, and you might lose everything you’re working so hard to achieve.
• You can get more done if you take the time to recharge. It might seem like taking a break will cause you to fall behind, but in the long run, you’ll actually get more accomplished. You’ll be more energized and efficient after recharging, and that extra boost will more than compensate for any time off you take.
• It hurts your loved ones to see you completely drained. If you’re the type of woman who can’t seem to ever put herself first, remember that your loved ones don’t want you to be completely worn out. It hurts them to see you suffering, and you aren’t really any good to them if you’re too exhausted to operate at more than 10 percent.
• When you’re exhausted, your work suffers. You might be able to keep chugging along churning out work with no breaks forever, but eventually, the quality of your work will begin to suffer. You can’t show the world what you’re capable of if you’re too overworked to do your best.
• Life’s a marathon, not a sprint. Contrary to the popular expression, life is actually pretty long. If you’re going to build and grow long-term, you need to pace yourself. Burning out too early will put you in a bad position down the road.
• All work and no play make you a dull person . And a miserable human being. No one wants to be around you if you have nothing to talk about aside from work and chores, especially if you’re not even happy about what you’ve been doing.
• If you don’t put yourself first, no one will. How can you expect your significant other to put you first when you won’t even do it for yourself? If your actions tell the world that you aren’t a priority, you can’t be surprised when it treats you that way.
• Long-term stress has serious side effects. Chronic stress can cause some really serious mental and physical side effects . If you’re killing yourself to be hyperproductive all the time, you might literally be killing yourself. If you’re working hard now so you can relax later in life, make sure you take enough breaks so you will actually make it that far.

Plus…

• You deserve a break. You weren’t born to just work constantly up until the day you die. You deserve time to relax, have fun, or take an adventure. If you never have time to enjoy yourself, what are you even working so hard for?
• The people you love the most love you back. You want your friends to be healthy, happy, and thriving and they want the same for you. If you’re beaten down physically and mentally, your irritability will start to affect not only yourself, but also the ones you love. By spending time on you, you’re able to put more energy into your relationships.
• You have to rest your star player if you want your team to succeed. You’re the all-star of your team. No matter how strong your supporting players are, you still need to show up to do well. If you’re stressed and burned out, you’ll freeze and be unable to face your challenges. Sometimes you need to let go of your obligations, rest and recoup, and come back and face life like a boss.
• No one else will be able to save you. No one can do the work for you. No one’s going to drop out of the stars and point you in the right direction. A knight in shining armor isn’t coming to swoop you off of your feet. You’re all you’ve got, babe. There’s no use complaining to whoever will listen, waiting for someone to make a change for you. So take the time and do the work for yourself and you will reap the benefits. Who knows, you may encourage your friends to do the same.
• You’ve got to refuel if you want to have something to offer. Stress, anxiety, and downright exhaustion take a major toll on your body and mind. In order to help your friends with their problems, you need to be fully present in the conversation. But if you push yourself to the absolute limit, you barely have enough energy to go through the motions.
• You can’t change the world , but you sure as hell can change yourself. The only way you can help the world be a better place is by being a better person. Plain and simple. Everyone wants to change the way of the world, but many aren’t willing to start with themselves.
• You have to take care of yourself first. It’s in our nature to be selfish. We often don’t do things unless we can get something out of them, as well, so take care of your needs first. Only when you’re taken care of can you help take care of others.
• You don’t live with your mom anymore. It doesn’t matter why you’re mad, sick, and tired. But honey, we’re all there at one point or another. Always consider your feelings first, because no one else is going to. Mom isn’t there anymore to make you meals and have your back no matter what; you have to make sure you take care of yourself.

How to do it

• Decide on your own self-care. There’s a lot of talk about what self-care is and isn’t, but you should choose the type of self-care that makes you feel good, boosts your confidence, and allows you to show yourself some love. Some days it might be a manicure, while on others it will be a pep talk you give yourself in front of the bathroom mirror. Do whatever works for you.
• Learn how to say no. One of the most important words is also really short: no. It’s also one of the easiest ways to put yourself first. It’s so simple to say and yet so difficult to send out of your mouth at times. If you really don’t want to help your friend make dinner for her colleagues because you’re tired or you really don’t have time to go on a date tonight, don’t force yourself. Instead of worrying about what others will think, do what feels right for what you need right now.
• Lose the guilt. Seriously, guilt is such a waste of time and energy. But what’s even worse is that when you’re riddled with guilt, you fall all the way down to the bottom of your list. Guilt can motivate you to please other people and waste your last resources which should’ve actually gone to yourself.
• Set boundaries. You’ve heard it lots and now you’re going to hear it again: you need boundaries. They’re an act of self-love . They show the world that you deserve respect. If you can’t show it to yourself, you can’t expect it from others.
• Do what you love. It’s your right to live your life the way you want to, but it’s easy to forget about the things you really love to do. It’s time to start making them more of a priority because when you do that, you’re really making your joy a priority.
• Give yourself space in relationships. You should never spend all your time with the person you’re with and love – some of that time has to go to yourself. Whether you spend the time doing your favorite arts and crafts or just staring into space, it’s important to have a space in which your thoughts and feelings can surface so you can check in with yourself without anyone interrupting you.
• Pay attention to your gut. This is one of the most important ways to put yourself first. You need to listen to your intuition because it’s where your innermost truth lies. It tries to get your attention all the time so it can save you from horrible situations and remind you to tune into your feelings.
• Remember your worth. You’re enough. You don’t have to be two sizes smaller or have a bigger personality or a more contagious laugh, and you certainly don’t have to make others love you. You are awesome and the right people will notice all that makes you great. Walking around feeling like you’re not good enough will only make you miserable and push people away without you realizing it .
• Fight for your needs. We don’t mean basic human or social needs, although those are important. We mean things you need from life and your relationships in order to be respected and happy. You should fight for what you deserve because if you don’t, you can’t expect others to do it for you. Your needs matter — don’t forget that.
• Set some limits. FYI, these are not a sign of weakness. Although it’s good to believe in yourself and chase your dreams, it’s also good to know what you won’t do to get ahead. If you’re pushing yourself too much to achieve, it’s healthy to know when you should stop and take a break. Your limits are there to protect you, and knowing where they are set will help you to put yourself in the top spot. There’s nowhere else you should be, after all.

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Essay Papers Writing Online

Tips for crafting a compelling and authentic personal essay.

Writing an essay about yourself can be a daunting task, but when done right, it can be a powerful tool to showcase who you are and what makes you unique. Whether you’re applying for college, a scholarship, or a job, a well-crafted essay can help you stand out from the crowd and leave a lasting impression on the reader.

When writing a personal essay, it’s important to strike a balance between being informative and engaging. You want to provide the reader with insight into your background, experiences, and goals, while also keeping them interested and invested in your story. In this guide, we’ll walk you through the process of writing a compelling essay about yourself, from brainstorming ideas to polishing your final draft.

Essential Tips for Crafting

When crafting a compelling essay about yourself, it is important to think about your audience and what message you want to convey. Here are some essential tips to help you create an engaging and authentic essay:

A Powerful Personal Essay

Writing a powerful personal essay is a way to express your unique voice and share your personal experiences with the world. By weaving together your thoughts, emotions, and reflections, you can create a compelling narrative that resonates with your audience. To craft a powerful personal essay, start by reflecting on your own experiences and exploring the themes that matter to you. Pay attention to the details and emotions that make your story come alive. Be honest and vulnerable in your writing, as authenticity is key to connecting with your readers. Additionally, consider the structure of your essay and how you can effectively organize your thoughts to engage your audience from beginning to end. By following these tips and staying true to your voice, you can create a powerful personal essay that leaves a lasting impact on your readers.

Choose a Unique Aspect

When writing an essay about yourself, it’s important to focus on a unique aspect of your personality or experiences that sets you apart from others. This could be a specific skill, talent, or life experience that has had a significant impact on your life. By choosing a unique aspect to highlight, you can make your essay more compelling and memorable to the reader. It’s important to showcase what makes you different and showcase your individuality in a way that will capture the reader’s attention.

of Your Personality

When writing about your personality, it’s important to showcase your unique traits and qualities. Describe what sets you apart from others, whether it’s your creativity, resilience, sense of humor, or compassion. Use specific examples and anecdotes to illustrate these characteristics and provide insight into who you are as a person.

Highlight your strengths and acknowledge your weaknesses – this shows self-awareness and honesty. Discuss how your personality has evolved over time and mention any experiences that have had a significant impact on shaping who you are today. Remember to be authentic and genuine in your portrayal of yourself as this will make your essay more compelling and engaging to the reader.

Reflect Deeply on

When writing an essay about yourself, it is crucial to take the time to reflect deeply on your life experiences, values, beliefs, and goals. Consider the events that have shaped you into the person you are today, both positive and negative. Think about your strengths and weaknesses, your passions and interests, and how they have influenced your decisions and actions. Reflecting on your personal journey will help you uncover meaningful insights that can make your essay more compelling and authentic.

Your Life Experiences

When it comes to writing an essay about yourself, one of the most compelling aspects to focus on is your life experiences. These experiences shape who you are and provide unique insights into your character. Reflect on significant moments, challenges you’ve overcome, or memorable events that have had a lasting impact on your life.

• Consider discussing pivotal moments that have influenced your beliefs and values.
• Share personal anecdotes that highlight your strengths and resilience.
• Explore how your life experiences have shaped your goals, aspirations, and ambitions.

By sharing your life experiences in your essay, you can showcase your individuality and demonstrate what sets you apart from others. Be genuine, reflective, and honest in recounting the events that have shaped your journey and contributed to the person you are today.

Create a Compelling

When crafting an essay about yourself, it is essential to create a compelling narrative that captures the attention of the reader from the very beginning. Start by brainstorming unique and engaging personal experiences or qualities that you want to highlight in your essay. Consider including vivid anecdotes, insightful reflections, and impactful moments that showcase your character and achievements. Remember to be authentic and sincere in your writing, as this will resonate with your audience and make your essay more relatable. By creating a compelling narrative, you can effectively communicate your story and leave a lasting impression on the reader.

Narrative Structure

The narrative structure is crucial when writing an essay about yourself. It helps to create a compelling and engaging story that showcases your unique qualities and experiences. Start by introducing the main theme or message you want to convey in your essay. Then, build a coherent storyline that highlights significant events or moments in your life. Use descriptive language and vivid details to bring your story to life and make it more relatable to the readers. Include a clear beginning, middle, and end to ensure that your essay follows a logical progression and captivates the audience throughout.

Emphasize the lessons you’ve learned from your experiences and how they have shaped your character and outlook on life. Connect these insights to your personal growth and development, demonstrating your resilience, determination, and self-awareness. End your essay on a reflective note, highlighting the impact of your journey on who you are today and what you aspire to achieve in the future. By following a strong narrative structure, you can craft a captivating essay that showcases your authenticity and leaves a lasting impression on the readers.

Highlight Your

When writing an essay about yourself, it is essential to highlight your unique qualities and experiences that set you apart from others. Consider including personal anecdotes, achievements, strengths, and challenges that have shaped your identity. Focus on showcasing your authenticity and individuality to make your essay compelling and engaging.

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Trump and Allies Forge Plans to Increase Presidential Power in 2025

The former president and his backers aim to strengthen the power of the White House and limit the independence of federal agencies.

Donald J. Trump intends to bring independent regulatory agencies under direct presidential control. Credit... Doug Mills/The New York Times

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By Jonathan Swan ,  Charlie Savage and Maggie Haberman

• Published July 17, 2023 Updated July 18, 2023

Donald J. Trump and his allies are planning a sweeping expansion of presidential power over the machinery of government if voters return him to the White House in 2025, reshaping the structure of the executive branch to concentrate far greater authority directly in his hands.

Their plans to centralize more power in the Oval Office stretch far beyond the former president’s recent remarks that he would order a criminal investigation into his political rival, President Biden, signaling his intent to end the post-Watergate norm of Justice Department independence from White House political control.

Mr. Trump and his associates have a broader goal: to alter the balance of power by increasing the president’s authority over every part of the federal government that now operates, by either law or tradition, with any measure of independence from political interference by the White House, according to a review of his campaign policy proposals and interviews with people close to him.

Mr. Trump intends to bring independent agencies — like the Federal Communications Commission, which makes and enforces rules for television and internet companies, and the Federal Trade Commission, which enforces various antitrust and other consumer protection rules against businesses — under direct presidential control.

He wants to revive the practice of “impounding” funds, refusing to spend money Congress has appropriated for programs a president doesn’t like — a tactic that lawmakers banned under President Richard Nixon.

He intends to strip employment protections from tens of thousands of career civil servants, making it easier to replace them if they are deemed obstacles to his agenda. And he plans to scour the intelligence agencies, the State Department and the defense bureaucracies to remove officials he has vilified as “the sick political class that hates our country.”

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