improvement essay sample

Essay on Self Improvement

Students are often asked to write an essay on Self Improvement in their schools and colleges. And if you’re also looking for the same, we have created 100-word, 250-word, and 500-word essays on the topic.

Let’s take a look…

100 Words Essay on Self Improvement

What is self improvement.

Self-improvement is when you make yourself better. You can do this in many different ways. It could be learning a new thing, changing a bad habit, or becoming kinder. It’s about making positive changes to yourself.

Why is Self Improvement Important?

Self-improvement is important because it helps us grow. It helps us become better people. When we improve ourselves, we feel happier and more confident. We can do more things and achieve our goals.

How to Start Self Improvement?

To start self-improvement, you need to think about what you want to change. You might want to learn a new skill or stop a bad habit. Then, you make a plan and start working on it.

Tips for Self Improvement

Here are some tips for self-improvement: set clear goals, be patient, and keep going even when it’s hard. Also, remember to reward yourself when you achieve your goals. This will keep you motivated.

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250 Words Essay on Self Improvement

Self Improvement is the act of making yourself better. It’s about learning new things and getting rid of bad habits. It’s like planting a seed and taking care of it until it grows into a big, strong tree.

Self Improvement is important because it helps us grow and become better people. It’s like climbing a ladder. Each step we take brings us closer to the top. We learn new things, become better at what we do, and feel happier. It’s a journey that never ends.

Starting Self Improvement is easy. First, think about what you want to improve. It could be anything. Maybe you want to read more books, or learn a new skill, or be kinder to people. Then, make a plan. Write down what you want to do and how you will do it. And then, start doing it. It’s as simple as that.

Challenges in Self Improvement

Self Improvement can be hard. Sometimes, we might feel like giving up. But remember, every step counts. Even small changes can make a big difference. And if you keep going, you will get better. It’s like a journey. There might be bumps along the way, but in the end, you will reach your destination.

500 Words Essay on Self Improvement

Understanding self-improvement.

Self-improvement is the process of making yourself a better person. It is about learning new things, developing new skills, and becoming a better version of yourself. It can include many things like learning a new language, improving your physical health, or becoming a better listener.

The Importance of Self-Improvement

Self-improvement is important for many reasons. It can help you achieve your goals, make you feel good about yourself, and improve your life in general. For example, if you want to become a better student, you might focus on improving your study habits. This could include things like setting aside more time for studying, learning new study techniques, or finding a study group to join.

Ways to Improve Yourself

Another way to improve yourself is to learn new skills. This could be anything from learning how to cook a new recipe, to learning how to play a musical instrument, to learning how to code. Learning new skills can be fun and rewarding, and it can also help you become a more well-rounded person.

Challenges in Self-Improvement

While self-improvement can be rewarding, it can also be challenging. Sometimes, it can be hard to stick to your goals, especially if they are big and take a long time to achieve. It can also be hard to find the time to work on self-improvement, especially if you have a busy schedule.

The Role of Patience in Self-Improvement

Patience plays a key role in self-improvement. It’s important to remember that change takes time. You won’t become a better person overnight. It takes time, effort, and patience. But with persistence, you can make progress and see improvements in yourself.

In conclusion, self-improvement is a lifelong journey. It’s about setting goals, learning new skills, and overcoming challenges. It’s about becoming a better version of yourself, one step at a time. So, keep moving forward, keep learning, and keep improving. The journey of self-improvement is a rewarding one, and it’s a journey that’s worth taking.

That’s it! I hope the essay helped you.

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• Self-improvement
• Personal Development
• Mindfulness

Top Self Improvement Essay Topics for Personal Growth

• October 7, 2023 October 8, 2023

Self-improvement is a lifelong journey that allows individuals to evolve, grow, and become the best version of themselves. It involves actively working on personal development and striving for continuous progress in various aspects of life. One way to explore and delve deeper into the realm of self-improvement is through self-improvement essay topics. These topics serve as a platform for introspection, reflection, and exploration of personal growth. Choosing the right self improvement essay topics is crucial as it sets the foundation for the entire writing process. It provides a direction and focus, allowing individuals to express their thoughts and insights on specific areas of self-improvement. Whether it is overcoming fears, developing effective communication skills, or embracing mindfulness, the chosen topic should resonate with the writer’s personal experiences and aspirations. By selecting a topic that sparks curiosity and passion, individuals are more likely to engage with the writing process and present their ideas in a compelling manner.

Table of Contents

The Importance of Self-Improvement

Self-improvement is a concept that holds immense value in our lives. It is an ongoing process of enhancing oneself physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. The importance of self-improvement lies in its ability to help us become the best version of ourselves, unlocking our true potential and achieving personal growth. Engaging in self-improvement activities allows us to identify our weaknesses and work towards overcoming them. By undertaking self-reflection and actively seeking ways to enhance our skills, knowledge, and mindset, we can strive for self-improvement. This journey enables us to become more resilient, adaptable, and capable individuals, equipped to face the challenges that life presents. With self-improvement, we can continuously learn, develop new skills, and evolve into better versions of ourselves, leading to a more fulfilling and purposeful life.

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Choosing the Right Self Improvement Essay Topics

Choosing the right self-improvement essay topic is crucial in ensuring that you are able to effectively convey your thoughts and ideas. With a vast array of self-improvement topics to choose from, it can sometimes be overwhelming to narrow down your options. However, by considering your personal interests, areas of growth, and current challenges, you can select a topic that resonates with you and allows for meaningful reflection and exploration. When selecting a self-improvement essay topic, it is important to choose something that genuinely interests you. This will help you stay motivated and engaged throughout the writing process. Think about the aspects of your life that you are most passionate about and consider how you can incorporate them into your essay. Whether it’s personal relationships, health, and wellness, career advancement, or personal finance, choosing a self-improvement topic that aligns with your interests will make the writing process more enjoyable and authentic.

Personal Development and Growth in Essays

In the realm of personal development and growth, essays serve as powerful tools for self-reflection and exploration. These written pieces provide individuals with an opportunity to delve into their own experiences, beliefs, and values, fostering personal growth and transformation. By putting pen to paper and examining their thoughts and feelings, individuals can gain a deeper understanding of themselves and their place in the world. Through the process of crafting an essay, individuals engage in a form of self-discovery. They are encouraged to examine their thoughts and emotions, explore their strengths and weaknesses, and reflect on their personal experiences. This introspective journey leads to personal development, as individuals gain a clearer sense of their values, goals, and aspirations. By articulating their thoughts and feelings through the written word, individuals are able to make sense of their experiences and make meaning out of their lives.

Self-Reflection and Self-Improvement Essays

Self-reflection and Self-Improvement Essays allow individuals to delve deep into their thoughts and experiences, providing an opportunity for personal growth and development. Through introspection and self-analysis, these essays encourage individuals to examine their beliefs, values, and behaviors, ultimately leading to self-awareness and improvement. In Self-Reflection and Self-Improvement Essays, individuals have the chance to explore their strengths and weaknesses and gain a better understanding of themselves. By reflecting on past experiences and analyzing their impact, individuals can identify areas where they have excelled and areas where they have room for growth. This self-reflection allows individuals to set realistic goals and develop strategies to enhance their personal development and overall well-being. Whether it’s examining their interpersonal skills, exploring their emotional intelligence, or evaluating their decision-making abilities, self-reflection serves as a catalyst for self-improvement. Writing a Self-Reflection and Self-Improvement Essay also enables individuals to assess their progress and track their growth over time. The process of documenting personal experiences and lessons learned enhances self-awareness and provides a roadmap for future development. By articulating their thoughts and feelings in written form, individuals can gain clarity and perspective, allowing them to make intentional choices and take deliberate actions toward their self-improvement journey.

How to Write an Effective Self-Improvement Essay

Writing an effective self-improvement essay can be a rewarding experience that allows you to reflect on your personal growth and inspire others to embark on their own journeys of self-improvement. However, it requires careful planning and execution to effectively convey your message and engage your readers. Firstly, it is important to choose a relevant and compelling topic for your self-improvement essay. Consider areas of your life where you have experienced significant growth or where you have overcome challenges. This will not only make your essay more relatable but also allow you to share valuable insights that can inspire and resonate with your readers. To make your self-improvement essay more impactful, incorporate personal anecdotes and real-life examples. By sharing your own experiences, you can create a connection with your audience and make your essay more relatable. Additionally, including specific details and examples will make your essay more interesting and persuasive, as it will demonstrate the practical application of your self-improvement journey.

Real-Life Examples of Self-Improvement Essays

When it comes to writing self-improvement essays, real-life examples can serve as powerful tools to inspire and guide readers on their own personal growth journeys. These examples can come from various areas of life, such as relationships, careers, health, and even spirituality. For instance, one could write an essay about their journey towards improving their communication skills, sharing specific experiences where they faced challenges in expressing themselves effectively and how they overcame those obstacles. 

By showcasing tangible examples, readers can relate to the writer’s struggles and successes, drawing valuable insights and motivation for their own self-improvement endeavors. Another example could be an essay on health and fitness, where the writer shares their personal transformation journey. They could reflect on their initial struggles with unhealthy habits, the turning point that prompted them to prioritize their well-being, and the steps they took to adopt a healthier lifestyle. By narrating their experiences in a relatable manner, the writer can inspire readers who may be facing similar struggles to take action and make positive changes in their own lives. 

Real-life examples not only make self-improvement essays more engaging and authentic but also highlight that personal growth is a continuous process that everyone can embark on.

Self-Improvement Essay Topics for Different Areas of Life

Self-improvement is a lifelong journey that encompasses various aspects of our lives. Whether it’s in our personal relationships, career, physical health, or emotional well-being, there are numerous essay topics that can help us delve into the different areas of life and explore ways to enhance and grow.

Self-Improvement Through Personal Relationships

One of the most common areas for self-improvement is personal relationships. Topics revolving around communication skills, conflict resolution, and building trust can be great starting points. For instance, you could write an essay exploring effective communication techniques for couples, discussing strategies to improve listening skills or empathetic responses. Another topic could focus on enhancing empathy in friendships and the impact it can have on our overall well-being.

Self-Improvement Through Careers

Another key area for self-improvement is our careers. Here, essay topics can revolve around professional development, goal setting, and strategies for success. For example, you could write an essay on setting achievable career goals, outlining steps to create a clear roadmap for professional growth. Alternatively, you could explore strategies for work-life balance and the importance of avoiding burnout in the workplace.

Maintaining Physical Health

Physical health is also a crucial aspect of self-improvement. Topics related to exercise, nutrition, and mental well-being can provide valuable insights and guidance. You could write an essay discussing the benefits of regular physical activity on mental health or explore the relationship between nutrition and energy levels. Additionally, topics such as mindfulness and stress management techniques can help readers find effective ways to improve their overall well-being.

Tips for Crafting a Compelling Self-Improvement Essay

Crafting a compelling self-improvement essay can be a challenging task, but with the right tips and techniques, you can create a piece that captivates readers and inspires personal growth. Here are some valuable insights to consider when writing your essay. 1. Start with a captivating introduction: Begin your essay with a compelling hook that grabs the reader’s attention. This could be a personal anecdote, a thought-provoking question, or a striking statistic related to self-improvement. By starting on an engaging note, you set the tone for the rest of your essay, making readers eager to explore your ideas further. 2. Reflect on personal experiences: A self-improvement essay is most effective when it discusses genuine personal experiences and the lessons learned from them. Share stories of challenges you faced and how you overcame them, providing insights into the growth and development you experienced. This adds authenticity to your essay and allows readers to connect with your journey. Remember to weave your experiences throughout the essay, relating them to the broader theme of self-improvement.

What is self-improvement?

Self-improvement refers to the process of making positive changes in oneself, both mentally and physically, to achieve personal growth and development.

How can I choose the right self-improvement essay topic?

To choose the right self-improvement essay topic, consider your personal interests, goals, and areas of improvement. Think about what aspects of your life you want to focus on and what message you want to convey through your essay.

How can personal development and growth be reflected in essays?

Personal development and growth can be reflected in essays by sharing personal experiences, discussing lessons learned, and showcasing the progress made toward self-improvement goals.

How can self-reflection be incorporated into self-improvement essays?

Self-reflection can be incorporated into self-improvement essays by analyzing your strengths, weaknesses, and areas for improvement. Reflect on past experiences, evaluate your progress, and consider future goals.

Can you provide some real-life examples of self-improvement essays?

Real-life examples of self-improvement essays may include stories of overcoming personal challenges, learning new skills, improving relationships, achieving career success, or adopting healthier habits.

What are some self-improvement essay topics for different areas of life?

Self-improvement essay topics for different areas of life may include personal growth, career development, relationships, health and wellness, time management, mindfulness, financial management, and goal setting.

In the pursuit of self-improvement, individuals embark on a transformative journey filled with self-discovery, growth, and empowerment. This journey is not bound by age, circumstance, or limitations; it is a lifelong expedition where each step brings us closer to becoming the best version of ourselves.

Self-improvement essay topics serve as the compass guiding us through the vast landscape of personal development. They encourage introspection, self-reflection, and the sharing of invaluable insights gained along the way. As we navigate the realm of self-improvement, it becomes evident that the importance of this journey lies not only in the destination but in the continuous process of self-discovery and growth.

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177 College Essay Examples for 11 Schools + Expert Analysis

College Admissions , College Essays

The personal statement might just be the hardest part of your college application. Mostly this is because it has the least guidance and is the most open-ended. One way to understand what colleges are looking for when they ask you to write an essay is to check out the essays of students who already got in—college essays that actually worked. After all, they must be among the most successful of this weird literary genre.

In this article, I'll go through general guidelines for what makes great college essays great. I've also compiled an enormous list of 100+ actual sample college essays from 11 different schools. Finally, I'll break down two of these published college essay examples and explain why and how they work. With links to 177 full essays and essay excerpts , this article is a great resource for learning how to craft your own personal college admissions essay!

What Excellent College Essays Have in Common

Even though in many ways these sample college essays are very different from one other, they do share some traits you should try to emulate as you write your own essay.

Visible Signs of Planning

Building out from a narrow, concrete focus. You'll see a similar structure in many of the essays. The author starts with a very detailed story of an event or description of a person or place. After this sense-heavy imagery, the essay expands out to make a broader point about the author, and connects this very memorable experience to the author's present situation, state of mind, newfound understanding, or maturity level.

Knowing how to tell a story. Some of the experiences in these essays are one-of-a-kind. But most deal with the stuff of everyday life. What sets them apart is the way the author approaches the topic: analyzing it for drama and humor, for its moving qualities, for what it says about the author's world, and for how it connects to the author's emotional life.

Stellar Execution

A killer first sentence. You've heard it before, and you'll hear it again: you have to suck the reader in, and the best place to do that is the first sentence. Great first sentences are punchy. They are like cliffhangers, setting up an exciting scene or an unusual situation with an unclear conclusion, in order to make the reader want to know more. Don't take my word for it—check out these 22 first sentences from Stanford applicants and tell me you don't want to read the rest of those essays to find out what happens!

A lively, individual voice. Writing is for readers. In this case, your reader is an admissions officer who has read thousands of essays before yours and will read thousands after. Your goal? Don't bore your reader. Use interesting descriptions, stay away from clichés, include your own offbeat observations—anything that makes this essay sounds like you and not like anyone else.

Technical correctness. No spelling mistakes, no grammar weirdness, no syntax issues, no punctuation snafus—each of these sample college essays has been formatted and proofread perfectly. If this kind of exactness is not your strong suit, you're in luck! All colleges advise applicants to have their essays looked over several times by parents, teachers, mentors, and anyone else who can spot a comma splice. Your essay must be your own work, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with getting help polishing it.

And if you need more guidance, connect with PrepScholar's expert admissions consultants . These expert writers know exactly what college admissions committees look for in an admissions essay and chan help you craft an essay that boosts your chances of getting into your dream school.

Check out PrepScholar's Essay Editing and Coaching progra m for more details!

Links to Full College Essay Examples

Some colleges publish a selection of their favorite accepted college essays that worked, and I've put together a selection of over 100 of these.

Common App Essay Samples

Please note that some of these college essay examples may be responding to prompts that are no longer in use. The current Common App prompts are as follows:

1. Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story. 2. The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success. Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience? 3. Reflect on a time when you questioned or challenged a belief or idea. What prompted your thinking? What was the outcome? 4. Reflect on something that someone has done for you that has made you happy or thankful in a surprising way. How has this gratitude affected or motivated you? 5. Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others. 6. Describe a topic, idea, or concept you find so engaging that it makes you lose all track of time. Why does it captivate you? What or who do you turn to when you want to learn more?

7. Share an essay on any topic of your choice. It can be one you've already written, one that responds to a different prompt, or one of your own design.

Now, let's get to the good stuff: the list of 177 college essay examples responding to current and past Common App essay prompts. 

Connecticut college.

• 12 Common Application essays from the classes of 2022-2025

Hamilton College

• 7 Common Application essays from the class of 2026
• 7 Common Application essays from the class of 2022
• 7 Common Application essays from the class of 2018
• 8 Common Application essays from the class of 2012
• 8 Common Application essays from the class of 2007

Johns Hopkins

These essays are answers to past prompts from either the Common Application or the Coalition Application (which Johns Hopkins used to accept).

• 1 Common Application or Coalition Application essay from the class of 2026
• 6 Common Application or Coalition Application essays from the class of 2025
• 6 Common Application or Universal Application essays from the class of 2024
• 6 Common Application or Universal Application essays from the class of 2023
• 7 Common Application of Universal Application essays from the class of 2022
• 5 Common Application or Universal Application essays from the class of 2021
• 7 Common Application or Universal Application essays from the class of 2020

Essay Examples Published by Other Websites

• 2 Common Application essays ( 1st essay , 2nd essay ) from applicants admitted to Columbia

Other Sample College Essays

Here is a collection of essays that are college-specific.

Babson College

• 4 essays (and 1 video response) on "Why Babson" from the class of 2020

Emory University

• 5 essay examples ( 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 , 5 ) from the class of 2020 along with analysis from Emory admissions staff on why the essays were exceptional
• 5 more recent essay examples ( 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 , 5 ) along with analysis from Emory admissions staff on what made these essays stand out

University of Georgia

• 1 “strong essay” sample from 2019
• 1 “strong essay” sample from 2018
• 10 Harvard essays from 2023
• 10 Harvard essays from 2022
• 10 Harvard essays from 2021
• 10 Harvard essays from 2020
• 10 Harvard essays from 2019
• 10 Harvard essays from 2018
• 6 essays from admitted MIT students

Smith College

• 6 "best gift" essays from the class of 2018

Books of College Essays

If you're looking for even more sample college essays, consider purchasing a college essay book. The best of these include dozens of essays that worked and feedback from real admissions officers.

College Essays That Made a Difference —This detailed guide from Princeton Review includes not only successful essays, but also interviews with admissions officers and full student profiles.

50 Successful Harvard Application Essays by the Staff of the Harvard Crimson—A must for anyone aspiring to Harvard .

50 Successful Ivy League Application Essays and 50 Successful Stanford Application Essays by Gen and Kelly Tanabe—For essays from other top schools, check out this venerated series, which is regularly updated with new essays.

Heavenly Essays by Janine W. Robinson—This collection from the popular blogger behind Essay Hell includes a wider range of schools, as well as helpful tips on honing your own essay.

Analyzing Great Common App Essays That Worked

I've picked two essays from the examples collected above to examine in more depth so that you can see exactly what makes a successful college essay work. Full credit for these essays goes to the original authors and the schools that published them.

Example 1: "Breaking Into Cars," by Stephen, Johns Hopkins Class of '19 (Common App Essay, 636 words long)

I had never broken into a car before.

We were in Laredo, having just finished our first day at a Habitat for Humanity work site. The Hotchkiss volunteers had already left, off to enjoy some Texas BBQ, leaving me behind with the college kids to clean up. Not until we were stranded did we realize we were locked out of the van.

Someone picked a coat hanger out of the dumpster, handed it to me, and took a few steps back.

"Can you do that thing with a coat hanger to unlock it?"

"Why me?" I thought.

More out of amusement than optimism, I gave it a try. I slid the hanger into the window's seal like I'd seen on crime shows, and spent a few minutes jiggling the apparatus around the inside of the frame. Suddenly, two things simultaneously clicked. One was the lock on the door. (I actually succeeded in springing it.) The other was the realization that I'd been in this type of situation before. In fact, I'd been born into this type of situation.

My upbringing has numbed me to unpredictability and chaos. With a family of seven, my home was loud, messy, and spottily supervised. My siblings arguing, the dog barking, the phone ringing—all meant my house was functioning normally. My Dad, a retired Navy pilot, was away half the time. When he was home, he had a parenting style something like a drill sergeant. At the age of nine, I learned how to clear burning oil from the surface of water. My Dad considered this a critical life skill—you know, in case my aircraft carrier should ever get torpedoed. "The water's on fire! Clear a hole!" he shouted, tossing me in the lake without warning. While I'm still unconvinced about that particular lesson's practicality, my Dad's overarching message is unequivocally true: much of life is unexpected, and you have to deal with the twists and turns.

Living in my family, days rarely unfolded as planned. A bit overlooked, a little pushed around, I learned to roll with reality, negotiate a quick deal, and give the improbable a try. I don't sweat the small stuff, and I definitely don't expect perfect fairness. So what if our dining room table only has six chairs for seven people? Someone learns the importance of punctuality every night.

But more than punctuality and a special affinity for musical chairs, my family life has taught me to thrive in situations over which I have no power. Growing up, I never controlled my older siblings, but I learned how to thwart their attempts to control me. I forged alliances, and realigned them as necessary. Sometimes, I was the poor, defenseless little brother; sometimes I was the omniscient elder. Different things to different people, as the situation demanded. I learned to adapt.

Back then, these techniques were merely reactions undertaken to ensure my survival. But one day this fall, Dr. Hicks, our Head of School, asked me a question that he hoped all seniors would reflect on throughout the year: "How can I participate in a thing I do not govern, in the company of people I did not choose?"

The question caught me off guard, much like the question posed to me in Laredo. Then, I realized I knew the answer. I knew why the coat hanger had been handed to me.

Growing up as the middle child in my family, I was a vital participant in a thing I did not govern, in the company of people I did not choose. It's family. It's society. And often, it's chaos. You participate by letting go of the small stuff, not expecting order and perfection, and facing the unexpected with confidence, optimism, and preparedness. My family experience taught me to face a serendipitous world with confidence.

What Makes This Essay Tick?

It's very helpful to take writing apart in order to see just how it accomplishes its objectives. Stephen's essay is very effective. Let's find out why!

An Opening Line That Draws You In

In just eight words, we get: scene-setting (he is standing next to a car about to break in), the idea of crossing a boundary (he is maybe about to do an illegal thing for the first time), and a cliffhanger (we are thinking: is he going to get caught? Is he headed for a life of crime? Is he about to be scared straight?).

Great, Detailed Opening Story

More out of amusement than optimism, I gave it a try. I slid the hanger into the window's seal like I'd seen on crime shows, and spent a few minutes jiggling the apparatus around the inside of the frame.

It's the details that really make this small experience come alive. Notice how whenever he can, Stephen uses a more specific, descriptive word in place of a more generic one. The volunteers aren't going to get food or dinner; they're going for "Texas BBQ." The coat hanger comes from "a dumpster." Stephen doesn't just move the coat hanger—he "jiggles" it.

Details also help us visualize the emotions of the people in the scene. The person who hands Stephen the coat hanger isn't just uncomfortable or nervous; he "takes a few steps back"—a description of movement that conveys feelings. Finally, the detail of actual speech makes the scene pop. Instead of writing that the other guy asked him to unlock the van, Stephen has the guy actually say his own words in a way that sounds like a teenager talking.

Turning a Specific Incident Into a Deeper Insight

Suddenly, two things simultaneously clicked. One was the lock on the door. (I actually succeeded in springing it.) The other was the realization that I'd been in this type of situation before. In fact, I'd been born into this type of situation.

Stephen makes the locked car experience a meaningful illustration of how he has learned to be resourceful and ready for anything, and he also makes this turn from the specific to the broad through an elegant play on the two meanings of the word "click."

Using Concrete Examples When Making Abstract Claims

My upbringing has numbed me to unpredictability and chaos. With a family of seven, my home was loud, messy, and spottily supervised. My siblings arguing, the dog barking, the phone ringing—all meant my house was functioning normally.

"Unpredictability and chaos" are very abstract, not easily visualized concepts. They could also mean any number of things—violence, abandonment, poverty, mental instability. By instantly following up with highly finite and unambiguous illustrations like "family of seven" and "siblings arguing, the dog barking, the phone ringing," Stephen grounds the abstraction in something that is easy to picture: a large, noisy family.

Using Small Bits of Humor and Casual Word Choice

My Dad, a retired Navy pilot, was away half the time. When he was home, he had a parenting style something like a drill sergeant. At the age of nine, I learned how to clear burning oil from the surface of water. My Dad considered this a critical life skill—you know, in case my aircraft carrier should ever get torpedoed.

Obviously, knowing how to clean burning oil is not high on the list of things every 9-year-old needs to know. To emphasize this, Stephen uses sarcasm by bringing up a situation that is clearly over-the-top: "in case my aircraft carrier should ever get torpedoed."

The humor also feels relaxed. Part of this is because he introduces it with the colloquial phrase "you know," so it sounds like he is talking to us in person. This approach also diffuses the potential discomfort of the reader with his father's strictness—since he is making jokes about it, clearly he is OK. Notice, though, that this doesn't occur very much in the essay. This helps keep the tone meaningful and serious rather than flippant.

An Ending That Stretches the Insight Into the Future

But one day this fall, Dr. Hicks, our Head of School, asked me a question that he hoped all seniors would reflect on throughout the year: "How can I participate in a thing I do not govern, in the company of people I did not choose?"

The ending of the essay reveals that Stephen's life has been one long preparation for the future. He has emerged from chaos and his dad's approach to parenting as a person who can thrive in a world that he can't control.

This connection of past experience to current maturity and self-knowledge is a key element in all successful personal essays. Colleges are very much looking for mature, self-aware applicants. These are the qualities of successful college students, who will be able to navigate the independence college classes require and the responsibility and quasi-adulthood of college life.

What Could This Essay Do Even Better?

Even the best essays aren't perfect, and even the world's greatest writers will tell you that writing is never "finished"—just "due." So what would we tweak in this essay if we could?

Replace some of the clichéd language. Stephen uses handy phrases like "twists and turns" and "don't sweat the small stuff" as a kind of shorthand for explaining his relationship to chaos and unpredictability. But using too many of these ready-made expressions runs the risk of clouding out your own voice and replacing it with something expected and boring.

Use another example from recent life. Stephen's first example (breaking into the van in Laredo) is a great illustration of being resourceful in an unexpected situation. But his essay also emphasizes that he "learned to adapt" by being "different things to different people." It would be great to see how this plays out outside his family, either in the situation in Laredo or another context.

Example 2: By Renner Kwittken, Tufts Class of '23 (Common App Essay, 645 words long)

My first dream job was to be a pickle truck driver. I saw it in my favorite book, Richard Scarry's "Cars and Trucks and Things That Go," and for some reason, I was absolutely obsessed with the idea of driving a giant pickle. Much to the discontent of my younger sister, I insisted that my parents read us that book as many nights as possible so we could find goldbug, a small little golden bug, on every page. I would imagine the wonderful life I would have: being a pig driving a giant pickle truck across the country, chasing and finding goldbug. I then moved on to wanting to be a Lego Master. Then an architect. Then a surgeon.

Then I discovered a real goldbug: gold nanoparticles that can reprogram macrophages to assist in killing tumors, produce clear images of them without sacrificing the subject, and heat them to obliteration.

Suddenly the destination of my pickle was clear.

I quickly became enveloped by the world of nanomedicine; I scoured articles about liposomes, polymeric micelles, dendrimers, targeting ligands, and self-assembling nanoparticles, all conquering cancer in some exotic way. Completely absorbed, I set out to find a mentor to dive even deeper into these topics. After several rejections, I was immensely grateful to receive an invitation to work alongside Dr. Sangeeta Ray at Johns Hopkins.

In the lab, Dr. Ray encouraged a great amount of autonomy to design and implement my own procedures. I chose to attack a problem that affects the entire field of nanomedicine: nanoparticles consistently fail to translate from animal studies into clinical trials. Jumping off recent literature, I set out to see if a pre-dose of a common chemotherapeutic could enhance nanoparticle delivery in aggressive prostate cancer, creating three novel constructs based on three different linear polymers, each using fluorescent dye (although no gold, sorry goldbug!). Though using radioactive isotopes like Gallium and Yttrium would have been incredible, as a 17-year-old, I unfortunately wasn't allowed in the same room as these radioactive materials (even though I took a Geiger counter to a pair of shoes and found them to be slightly dangerous).

I hadn't expected my hypothesis to work, as the research project would have ideally been led across two full years. Yet while there are still many optimizations and revisions to be done, I was thrilled to find -- with completely new nanoparticles that may one day mean future trials will use particles with the initials "RK-1" -- thatcyclophosphamide did indeed increase nanoparticle delivery to the tumor in a statistically significant way.

A secondary, unexpected research project was living alone in Baltimore, a new city to me, surrounded by people much older than I. Even with moving frequently between hotels, AirBnB's, and students' apartments, I strangely reveled in the freedom I had to enjoy my surroundings and form new friendships with graduate school students from the lab. We explored The Inner Harbor at night, attended a concert together one weekend, and even got to watch the Orioles lose (to nobody's surprise). Ironically, it's through these new friendships I discovered something unexpected: what I truly love is sharing research. Whether in a presentation or in a casual conversation, making others interested in science is perhaps more exciting to me than the research itself. This solidified a new pursuit to angle my love for writing towards illuminating science in ways people can understand, adding value to a society that can certainly benefit from more scientific literacy.

It seems fitting that my goals are still transforming: in Scarry's book, there is not just one goldbug, there is one on every page. With each new experience, I'm learning that it isn't the goldbug itself, but rather the act of searching for the goldbugs that will encourage, shape, and refine my ever-evolving passions. Regardless of the goldbug I seek -- I know my pickle truck has just begun its journey.

Renner takes a somewhat different approach than Stephen, but their essay is just as detailed and engaging. Let's go through some of the strengths of this essay.

One Clear Governing Metaphor

This essay is ultimately about two things: Renner’s dreams and future career goals, and Renner’s philosophy on goal-setting and achieving one’s dreams.

But instead of listing off all the amazing things they’ve done to pursue their dream of working in nanomedicine, Renner tells a powerful, unique story instead. To set up the narrative, Renner opens the essay by connecting their experiences with goal-setting and dream-chasing all the way back to a memorable childhood experience:

This lighthearted–but relevant!--story about the moment when Renner first developed a passion for a specific career (“finding the goldbug”) provides an anchor point for the rest of the essay. As Renner pivots to describing their current dreams and goals–working in nanomedicine–the metaphor of “finding the goldbug” is reflected in Renner’s experiments, rejections, and new discoveries.

Though Renner tells multiple stories about their quest to “find the goldbug,” or, in other words, pursue their passion, each story is connected by a unifying theme; namely, that as we search and grow over time, our goals will transform…and that’s okay! By the end of the essay, Renner uses the metaphor of “finding the goldbug” to reiterate the relevance of the opening story:

While the earlier parts of the essay convey Renner’s core message by showing, the final, concluding paragraph sums up Renner’s insights by telling. By briefly and clearly stating the relevance of the goldbug metaphor to their own philosophy on goals and dreams, Renner demonstrates their creativity, insight, and eagerness to grow and evolve as the journey continues into college.

An Engaging, Individual Voice

This essay uses many techniques that make Renner sound genuine and make the reader feel like we already know them.

Technique #1: humor. Notice Renner's gentle and relaxed humor that lightly mocks their younger self's grand ambitions (this is different from the more sarcastic kind of humor used by Stephen in the first essay—you could never mistake one writer for the other).

My first dream job was to be a pickle truck driver.

I would imagine the wonderful life I would have: being a pig driving a giant pickle truck across the country, chasing and finding goldbug. I then moved on to wanting to be a Lego Master. Then an architect. Then a surgeon.

Renner gives a great example of how to use humor to your advantage in college essays. You don’t want to come off as too self-deprecating or sarcastic, but telling a lightheartedly humorous story about your younger self that also showcases how you’ve grown and changed over time can set the right tone for your entire essay.

Technique #2: intentional, eye-catching structure. The second technique is the way Renner uses a unique structure to bolster the tone and themes of their essay . The structure of your essay can have a major impact on how your ideas come across…so it’s important to give it just as much thought as the content of your essay!

For instance, Renner does a great job of using one-line paragraphs to create dramatic emphasis and to make clear transitions from one phase of the story to the next:

Suddenly the destination of my pickle car was clear.

Not only does the one-liner above signal that Renner is moving into a new phase of the narrative (their nanoparticle research experiences), it also tells the reader that this is a big moment in Renner’s story. It’s clear that Renner made a major discovery that changed the course of their goal pursuit and dream-chasing. Through structure, Renner conveys excitement and entices the reader to keep pushing forward to the next part of the story.

Technique #3: playing with syntax. The third technique is to use sentences of varying length, syntax, and structure. Most of the essay's written in standard English and uses grammatically correct sentences. However, at key moments, Renner emphasizes that the reader needs to sit up and pay attention by switching to short, colloquial, differently punctuated, and sometimes fragmented sentences.

Even with moving frequently between hotels, AirBnB's, and students' apartments, I strangely reveled in the freedom I had to enjoy my surroundings and form new friendships with graduate school students from the lab. We explored The Inner Harbor at night, attended a concert together one weekend, and even got to watch the Orioles lose (to nobody's surprise). Ironically, it's through these new friendships I discovered something unexpected: what I truly love is sharing research.

In the examples above, Renner switches adeptly between long, flowing sentences and quippy, telegraphic ones. At the same time, Renner uses these different sentence lengths intentionally. As they describe their experiences in new places, they use longer sentences to immerse the reader in the sights, smells, and sounds of those experiences. And when it’s time to get a big, key idea across, Renner switches to a short, punchy sentence to stop the reader in their tracks.

The varying syntax and sentence lengths pull the reader into the narrative and set up crucial “aha” moments when it’s most important…which is a surefire way to make any college essay stand out.

Renner's essay is very strong, but there are still a few little things that could be improved.

Connecting the research experiences to the theme of “finding the goldbug.”  The essay begins and ends with Renner’s connection to the idea of “finding the goldbug.” And while this metaphor is deftly tied into the essay’s intro and conclusion, it isn’t entirely clear what Renner’s big findings were during the research experiences that are described in the middle of the essay. It would be great to add a sentence or two stating what Renner’s big takeaways (or “goldbugs”) were from these experiences, which add more cohesion to the essay as a whole.

Give more details about discovering the world of nanomedicine. It makes sense that Renner wants to get into the details of their big research experiences as quickly as possible. After all, these are the details that show Renner’s dedication to nanomedicine! But a smoother transition from the opening pickle car/goldbug story to Renner’s “real goldbug” of nanoparticles would help the reader understand why nanoparticles became Renner’s goldbug. Finding out why Renner is so motivated to study nanomedicine–and perhaps what put them on to this field of study–would help readers fully understand why Renner chose this path in the first place.

4 Essential Tips for Writing Your Own Essay

How can you use this discussion to better your own college essay? Here are some suggestions for ways to use this resource effectively.

#1: Get Help From the Experts

Getting your college applications together takes a lot of work and can be pretty intimidatin g. Essays are even more important than ever now that admissions processes are changing and schools are going test-optional and removing diversity standards thanks to new Supreme Court rulings .  If you want certified expert help that really makes a difference, get started with  PrepScholar’s Essay Editing and Coaching program. Our program can help you put together an incredible essay from idea to completion so that your application stands out from the crowd. We've helped students get into the best colleges in the United States, including Harvard, Stanford, and Yale.  If you're ready to take the next step and boost your odds of getting into your dream school, connect with our experts today .

#2: Read Other Essays to Get Ideas for Your Own

As you go through the essays we've compiled for you above, ask yourself the following questions:

• Can you explain to yourself (or someone else!) why the opening sentence works well?
• Look for the essay's detailed personal anecdote. What senses is the author describing? Can you easily picture the scene in your mind's eye?
• Find the place where this anecdote bridges into a larger insight about the author. How does the essay connect the two? How does the anecdote work as an example of the author's characteristic, trait, or skill?
• Check out the essay's tone. If it's funny, can you find the places where the humor comes from? If it's sad and moving, can you find the imagery and description of feelings that make you moved? If it's serious, can you see how word choice adds to this tone?

Make a note whenever you find an essay or part of an essay that you think was particularly well-written, and think about what you like about it . Is it funny? Does it help you really get to know the writer? Does it show what makes the writer unique? Once you have your list, keep it next to you while writing your essay to remind yourself to try and use those same techniques in your own essay.

#3: Find Your "A-Ha!" Moment

All of these essays rely on connecting with the reader through a heartfelt, highly descriptive scene from the author's life. It can either be very dramatic (did you survive a plane crash?) or it can be completely mundane (did you finally beat your dad at Scrabble?). Either way, it should be personal and revealing about you, your personality, and the way you are now that you are entering the adult world.

Check out essays by authors like John Jeremiah Sullivan , Leslie Jamison , Hanif Abdurraqib , and Esmé Weijun Wang to get more examples of how to craft a compelling personal narrative.

#4: Start Early, Revise Often

Let me level with you: the best writing isn't writing at all. It's rewriting. And in order to have time to rewrite, you have to start way before the application deadline. My advice is to write your first draft at least two months before your applications are due.

Let it sit for a few days untouched. Then come back to it with fresh eyes and think critically about what you've written. What's extra? What's missing? What is in the wrong place? What doesn't make sense? Don't be afraid to take it apart and rearrange sections. Do this several times over, and your essay will be much better for it!

For more editing tips, check out a style guide like Dreyer's English or Eats, Shoots & Leaves .

What's Next?

Still not sure which colleges you want to apply to? Our experts will show you how to make a college list that will help you choose a college that's right for you.

Interested in learning more about college essays? Check out our detailed breakdown of exactly how personal statements work in an application , some suggestions on what to avoid when writing your essay , and our guide to writing about your extracurricular activities .

Working on the rest of your application? Read what admissions officers wish applicants knew before applying .

The recommendations in this post are based solely on our knowledge and experience. If you purchase an item through one of our links PrepScholar may receive a commission.

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3 College Essay Examples that Need Improvement

What’s Covered:

Common college essay mistakes, how to strengthen your college essay.

• College Essay Examples and How They Could Be Improved

Where to Get Your Essay Edited for Free

If you’re preparing to apply to college, you already know how important your essay is as a part of your complete application. The college application essay demonstrates your strengths , and allows you the opportunity to explain to admissions committees why you are the perfect fit for a school. 

With the increasing popularity of test-optional and test-blind admissions, essays are becoming even more important. The last thing you want is to make simple mistakes that detract from your story. In this post, we’ll are three essay examples that didn’t quite make the mark and explain where they fell short and how they could be improved to make sure you don’t fall into the same traps.

Picking the Wrong Topic 

Admissions counselors are looking for topics that stand out. They seek originality when reviewing college applications, so it’s best to avoid any topics that could be considered cliche or overdone , like a sports injury or personal tragedy. Focus on what makes you stand out as a student, and as a person. Think about what makes you different from your peers, and center your topic around this. 

Writing About Too Much

Avoid repeating what you’ve said in other areas of your application. Write about one area of your life that’s interesting. The college essay isn’t a place for a chronological narrative of your life. You’ll want to focus on one moment, one anecdote that you can build on. The moment can be small, such as a bird you saw on a ledge when you woke up one morning. It can be as simple as a conversation with a friend in a car, or that time you went skydiving. In your college essay, think about how you will use a moment or metaphor as a vehicle for your story. 

Writing Too Formally

Write in your natural voice. Avoid academic jargon and use active voice rather than passive voice. You want to produce an essay that reads as natural as possible, so the meaning of your writing is clear to the admissions committee. Forget about impressing anyone with your top-tier vocabulary. Write how you speak, without any grammatical or spelling errors.

Not Showing Personality

The essay is an opportunity to show the admissions committee what makes you stand out. It’s a reflection of who you are. In the process of trying to build a complete application, don’t treat the essay as a formula to complete. This is your time to shine. Have fun with it, and show your readers what makes you unique. 

Telling Instead of Showing

Rather than giving a summary of your accomplishments, you’ll want to show the reader who you are by building a narrative. This means using sensory details to help your reader experience the story. When you move into telling moments, this pulls your reader away from the narrative. 

For example, if you want to describe a storm, instead of saying that you heard thunder and saw lightning in the sky (telling), say that there was a rumble in the ground and the sky lit up with a fluorescent haze (showing). 

So, now that you know what to avoid when it comes to writing your college essay, what should you do to strengthen your essay? 

1. Strong Topic 

Choosing a good topic is essential to a strong college essay. The topic you choose should allow you to answer the essay prompt, while also showcasing who you are.

Keep in mind that your topic should not be a list of your best qualities. Instead, think about an experience or series of experiences that can be expanded upon to provide insight into your character. Pick a memorable experience or exciting revelations, and then use literary devices, like metaphors, to create connections to your personality, identity, and values. The most seemingly simple topics, like walking your dog or participating in a summer program, can be exciting and insightful as long as you share your personality and reflections throughout your essay.

2. Personal Quotient 

Essays are the place to add your personal flair to your application. A great college essay should answer these questions:

• “Who Am I?”
• “Why Am I Here?”
• “What is Unique About Me?”
• “What Matters to Me?”

Essays are one of the only places on your application where admissions officers can actually hear your voice. While the rest of your application allows the admissions committee to understand you as a student through a collection of scores, grades, and activities, your essays can reveal who you are as a person. Make sure you write in your natural voice so that admissions officers can put a personality to the rest of your application data.

3. Quality Writing and Storytelling 

It’s important to show your writing skills in an essay, and keep your audience engaged. Don’t forget, the essay is different from other parts of your application: it’s a story . That means you need dialogue, action, sensory details, and a strong hook. 

Think about your favorite writers and how they tell a story in a captivating way. Rather than blatantly stating a character’s thoughts or feelings, authors often show these plot points using sensory descriptions or exciting action. You should do the same in your essays! This will allow admissions officers to feel more invested in your story and your application.

College Essay Examples and How They Could Be Improved 

Please note: Looking at examples of real essays students have submitted to colleges can be very beneficial to get inspiration for your essays. You should never copy or plagiarize from these examples when writing your own essays. Colleges can tell when an essay isn’t genuine and will not view students favorably if they plagiarized. 

Essay Example #1

Prompt: You may wish to include an additional essay if you feel that the college application forms do not provide sufficient opportunity to convey important information about yourself or your accomplishments. You may write on a topic of your choice, or you may choose from one of the following topics: 

Travel, living, or working experiences in your own or other communities.

It was a raw day of what seemed as autumn but suggested winter. The red in every thermometer started to fall alongside the first few snowflakes. The green of the streets started to hide as the frost took control of the landscape. The colors of nature were an odd sight, as though it could not decide what dress it should wear. A cutting, ominous wind blew across the land.

That raw day was my first encounter with real personal crisis. My mind was blank. My head burned intensely. I couldn’t decide if this was a nightmare or a real tragedy. My mom had urged me to do a video call. I didn’t imagine she was the herald of dismal news: my parents were going to split up. Bitterness and sorrow accompanied every tear that my mother shed. She ended the call and l burst into tears. The unexpected news rammed my heart and injured it severely.

My parent’s separation created turmoil inside of me. I wasn’t the first kid whose parents separated, but I felt distant and powerless. I was living abroad for a year. I was thousands of miles from my beloved family. After this event, the chasm between me and my family seemed gargantuan. I lived in a land where I could barely speak the language. The language barrier didn’t allow me to explain how I felt and tears weren’t enough to describe what I was suffering. Even though I was surrounded by my host family and new friends, I felt alone without the ability to communicate. I stopped attending chess school. I rejected offers from my basketball teammates to train. I declined my music teacher’s offer to learn to play a new instrument. I was slowly succumbing to the pain caused by a problem that I couldn’t solve.

My emotional imbalance forced me to ponder about my decisions. Ron wouldn’t have rejected an opportunity to try his new chess tactics. Ron wouldn’t have rejected an opportunity to better his basketball personal high score. Ron wouldn’t have rejected an opportunity to challenge his musical abilities by learning a new instrument. I was ceasing to be myself. I realized I stopped doing what I loved, and instead lamented about the unchanging state of my parent’s ruined marriage. I realized I was throwing away the opportunity of a lifetime by staying home crying for something I couldn’t repair. I suddenly opened my eyes to my reality. I was living in Russia. I was living in the land of ballet, the land of scientific discovery, the land of music. I made the resolute decision to take advantage of the place I lived in, and fight through my pain whilst doing it. I kept myself busy with activities, as to not leave time for my mind to wander. I spent my afternoons in chess practices, basketball training, and music rehearsals. I started to play in chess tournaments, basketball matches and even had my first musical recital. I had filled my heart with joy from nourishing activities and had forgotten my internal grief.

Social, emotional, physical or even religious crises may bring personal instability into one’s life. The fact that I lived far away from my loved ones brought a more severe emotional instability. Nonetheless, this instability gave me the opportunity to mature and grow both emotionally and intellectually. Commitment to my daily activities not only helped me grow as a musician, as a chess player, as a basketball player, and as a person, but it also helped me encounter myself after being lost in grief. By finding a safe haven in my activities, I discovered a way to soothe the pain I felt. Through this state of entropy, I discovered that “times of personal crisis and inner turmoil” is just a euphemism for “opportunities and chances to thrive”. 

Why This Essay Isn’t Strong

Although this essay has a nice story at its core, there are multiple weak points that ultimately overwhelm the essay and confuse the reader.

Creative language: While this student was hoping to convey a sophisticated writing style, the inundation of metaphors, lofty diction, and irrelevant imagery severely distracts from the story and gives the impression this student used a thesaurus for every other word. The entire introductory paragraph has nothing to do with the essay except to demonstrate this student can describe the weather. Phrases like “ herald of dismal news ” and “ rammed my heart and injured it severely ” feel overly dramatic and out of place in a 17 year old’s conversational vocabulary. Yes, you want to put your best foot forward in your writing, but it has to be your words and not a thesaurus.

Grammar:  Something as simple as grammar can make or break your essay. Unfortunately, this student had multiple grammar mistakes that are hard to ignore. “ It was a raw day of what seemed as autumn but suggested winter, ” “ I didn’t imagine she was the herald of dismal news, ” and “ My emotional imbalance forced me to ponder about my decisions, ” are just a few examples.

Too much  repetition: Repetition can be a great tool in writing to create flow or emphasize certain points, but in this essay the combination of repeating sentence structure and ideas makes the essay feel unvaried and a bit monotonous. This student starts sentence after sentence with “ I ” and repeats the phrases “ I lived ” and “ I realized. ” On top of that, the pattern of chess, basketball, and music is repeated—in that same order—four times throughout the essay. It’s okay to focus on these three interests, but bringing them up in the same order multiple times makes the essay predictable.

Assuming the reader knows too   much:  You don’t want your college essay to spell everything out for the reader, but at the same time you don’t want each new piece of information to come out of left field and shock them. This student casually brings up that they were abroad in the third paragraph without any explanation as to why. They also refer to themselves in the third person (“ Ron wouldn’t… “), but at first glance it might not be evident that they are talking about themselves and the reader might wonder who Ron is.

How It Could Be Improved

So, how could this essay address each of the pain points addressed above?

Trust in your voice:  Rather than feeling the need to inject creative language and sophisticated diction into every sentence, rely on your natural writing style to truly convey to admissions officers who you are. A good practice is to write your first draft completely in your own voice and then when your editing you can change a few words or phrases, but make sure the majority of your writing sounds more like a conversation you would have with a friend or teacher rather than a formal essay.

Proofread. Proofread. Proofread : The best way to catch grammar mistakes is to read over your essay multiple times. With each reread you will catch a sentence that sounds clunky or a typo that doesn’t belong. However, you shouldn’t be the only one proofreading your essay. Give it to a friend, parent, or teacher so a fresh pair of eyes can help you perfect your grammar. Or, you can get an expert at CollegeVine to look over your essay!

Vary sentence structure:  To combat the over-repetitiveness in this essay this student needs to employ more creative sentences that play with the subject and predicate. These sentences, “ I stopped attending chess school. I rejected offers from my basketball teammates to train. I declined my music teacher’s offer to learn to play a new instrument”  could become: “ From ditching chess practice to skipping training sessions to abandoning my potential to learn the oboe, everything became meaningless.”

Clear organization:  The reader can easily get confused when new details are randomly introduced because of this essay’s lack of organization, so mapping out a clear flow of the story from beginning to middle to end would be beneficial. This essay should have begun with a depiction of this student’s life abroad in Russia, joyfully participating in the activities they abandon later. Then it would present the conflict of the divorce and the emotional turmoil the student experienced. Finally, they would demonstrate how their mindset shifted and what they learned. Presenting information in an organized, chronological way would greatly increase the reader’s ability to follow along.

Essay Example #2

Prompt: At MIT, we bring people together to better the lives of others. MIT students work to improve their communities in different ways, from tackling the world’s biggest challenges to being a good friend. Describe one way in which you have contributed to your community, whether in your family, the classroom, your neighborhood, etc. (200-250 words)

“Big Boy is back!” a child exclaimed excitedly, brandishing a marker and running towards me.

Having just walked into the room of the local nursery program at my church where I often volunteered, I couldn’t help but be amused. No matter how many times I told the kids my real name, I would always be known as “Big Boy.”

“Hey Sam! What are we doing today?” I asked enthusiastically, eyeing the chaotically moving marker that was inches away from my face. 

“We’re coloring angels, let me show you!” he responded. Looking at his multi-colored hands, I could only imagine the masterpieces he and the other kids had created.

When I tell people I’m interested in pursuing engineering, the last place they expect me to be spending my Sunday mornings is at a church hanging out with a bunch of little kids. Yet, that’s exactly where I’ll be. After they get over their disbelief, they often ask why, of all places, I would want to spend my time at such a chaotic place. The answer is simple: kids are fun! They do the most adorable things, and they surprise you in the best ways. But beyond that, I do it because I feel I can make a difference. I’ve watched many of these kids grow up since I started in 7th grade, and they always tell me that I’m their role model. If I can have such an impact on the life of a child, then why shouldn’t I continue?

At first glance you might think this essay is good—it has a surprising hook, it engages the reader with dialogue, and it includes the student’s playful voice. The big issue with this essay is it barely addresses the prompt and and the conversation with the kid has very little to do with the reflection the student provides at the end.

The purpose of this essay is to demonstrate your role within a given community. We want to see what your role is, what it entails, how the community has been affected, and hopefully how you have been affected or changed because of your involvement. We know that this student’s role is volunteering at a church nursery program, but that’s about it. 

While the final paragraph mentions “ I do it because I feel I can make a difference “, the rest of the essay doesn’t address this at all. The student refers to themself as “ their role model ” and yet the dialogue that encompasses half the essay doesn’t show us how this student is a role model nor how they’ve watched kids grow up and witnessed their impact. 

What Could Be Improved

This essay could easily be improved by tweaking the conversation with the little kid. Rather than making it about the student’s nickname and coloring, they could have discussed a conversation they had about teaching kids to work through a disagreement or how they inspired a group to start a hobby this student loves themself. The actual topic could vary but the important idea is conveying that this student is a role model and is making a difference in the lives of these children. 

It could also be nice to include details about older kids that they started working with a few years ago so the reader can actually see the impact of this student in the community. For example, maybe they use to kick a soccer ball around with a kid when they were in the program and now that kid is eight and they joined a local soccer team because they want to play varsity in high school like the student. An anecdote like that demonstrates a tangible impact this student had and makes it very easy to see how they are a role model.

Essay Example #3

Prompt: How did you discover your intellectual and academic interests, and how will you explore them at the University of Pennsylvania? Please respond considering the specific undergraduate school you have selected. (For students applying to the coordinated dual-degree and specialized programs, please answer these questions in regard to your single-degree school choice; your interest in the coordinated dual-degree or specialized program may be addressed through the program-specific essay.) (350-400 words)

My second grade accomplishment of being designated “Star of the Week” came with the  requirement of filling out a poster about myself. Besides telling the world my favorite snack, I had to write down my favorite subject and why—a box I ended up cramming, in the smallest handwriting possible, full of every single subject we’d explored at age seven. 

I have always been drawn to areas that allow me to combine my interdisciplinary passions. When I had the chance to promote school events as part of my school’s Leadership program, I realized that Marketing is one such subject. So I started seeking more venues to learn about the field. 

One of these opportunities came in the form of Wharton’s own Leadership in the Business World program. The RTAs-residential teaching assistants-helped me focus on the arena of  marketing as I conducted research on target markets and branding strategies to apply to our team’s startup. By the end of the program, I’d gotten a taste of the resources Penn has to offer to its undergraduate business students. 

At Wharton, I look forward to a varied curriculum that will enable me to pursue an interdisciplinary education which is strong in business and also offers a well-rounded General Education. Classes like “Creativity” and “Strategic Brand Management” will challenge me to learn and apply the diversity of technical and interpersonal skills required in the professional  world. 

I also look forward to the chances outside the classroom where I will be able to pursue my  interest in Marketing. I can join the MUSE organization (maybe under the Creative agency),  where upperclassmen and working professionals will mentor me in my education and career. I can look for opportunities to do research with professors like Dr. Kahn about brand loyalty or  visual design. At the Wharton School, the resources-faculty, curriculum, network-are abundant and diverse, making it the perfect place for me to pursue my interest in Marketing.

This essay makes a good effort, but ultimately feels flat and generic. To begin with, the story at the beginning was a nice attempt to establish pathos with a callback to their student’s childhood, but it doesn’t serve the essay at all. The whole essay is about pursuing marketing, therefore an anecdote about them discovering marketing would have been a much stronger opening. Instead of casually mentioning the “ chance to promote school events as part of my school’s Leadership program “, they could have shown the reader what that program looked like and why it piqued their interest.

In the body of the essay, there are many places where the author falls short in making connections between their own interests and UPenn’s unique resources. Highlighting Penn’s “ interdisciplinary education which is strong in business ” is by no means a unique school-specific offering, and the classes this student chose are pretty generic business classes. This student tells us what they will get out of these classes, but not why they want to take them. What prior experiences drew them to a class about creativity?

The student also mentions a club they want to join and a professor who’s research interests them, but again these aren’t Penn specific and there is a lack of personal connection. Why is learning about brand loyalty and visual design so important to this student? The reader gets no insight to the deeper emotional connection this student has to marketing. This essay is a prime example of how name dropping school resources isn’t enough.

The biggest change this essay could make would be to elaborate on their personal connection and fascination with marketing and UPenn. What would that look like?

To start, they would place us in the action at their school’s leadership program: describing the project they were working on, the creative ideas running through their head, and the adrenaline coursing through their body as they watched their marketing campaign get launched. 

The paragraph about Wharton’s Business program would be reworked to put the emphasis on the student’s startup and the process they went through to develop a marketing strategy, rather than what the program provided generally to all students.

When they discuss classes, clubs, and professors at Penn, the student would go into detail about why they are choosing this specific opportunity over anything else. How does it relate to their previous experiences? What skills are they hoping to develop and why? How will their future be impacted by participating in this particular opportunity? Each resource at Penn they mention has to drive home two points: the student will benefit from this opportunity and they could only have this at UPenn.

Writing college essays is hard; you need to show your personality, engage the reader, and answer the prompt fully. It’s important to get a second set of eyes on your essay so you can avoid these common college essay mistakes.  That’s why we created our free Peer Essay Review tool , where you can get a free review of your essay from another student. You can also improve your own writing skills by reviewing other students’ essays. 

If you want a college admissions expert to review your essay, advisors on CollegeVine have helped students refine their writing and submit successful applications to top schools. Find the right advisor for you to improve your chances of getting into your dream school!

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13 Ways to Quickly Improve Your Academic Essay Writing Skills

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Written by  Scribendi

Anyone can learn to produce an academic essay if they begin with a few basic essay-writing rules. 

An academic essay must be based upon a solid but debatable thesis, supported by relevant and credible evidence, and closed with a succinct and thorough conclusion.

By adhering to the best way to write an essay, you can create valuable, persuasive papers even when you're under a time crunch!

What Makes a Good Essay?

As previously noted, the foundation of any good academic essay is its thesis statement. 

Do not confuse your thesis with your opening sentence. There are many good ways to start an essay , but few essays immediately present their main ideas.

After you draft your thesis, you can begin to develop your essay around it. This development will include the main supporting points of your essay, which will scaffold its main body. 

Essays also typically include a relevant and compelling introduction and conclusion.

Learn How to Write a Great Thesis Statement .

Understanding How to Write a Good Essay

When writing an academic essay, you must take a number of qualities and characteristics into careful consideration. Focus, development, unity, coherence, and correctness all play critical roles when it comes to distinguishing an exceptional essay from one that is less than perfect.

The following essay-writing tips can help writers organize, format, and support their essays in ways that fit their intended purpose and optimize their overall persuasiveness. Here are 13 essay tips for developing and writing your next academic paper.

1. Know What You Are Going to Write About Before You Start Writing

While untrained writers might just sit down and start typing, educated and experienced writers know that there are many steps to writing an essay.

In short, you should know what you want to say before you type a single word. The easiest way to narrow down a thesis and create a proper argument is to make a basic outline before you begin composing your essay.

Your outline should consist of rough notes that sketch out your introduction (including your thesis), the body of your essay (which should include separate paragraphs that present your main supporting points with plenty of evidence and examples), and your conclusion (which ties everything together and connects the argument back to your thesis).

2. Acquire a Solid Understanding of Basic Grammar, Punctuation, and Style

Before getting into more refined essay-writing techniques, you must have a solid grasp of grammar, punctuation, and style. Without these writing fundamentals, it will be difficult to communicate your ideas effectively and ensure that they are taken seriously.

Grammar basics include subject and verb agreement, correct article and pronoun use, and well-formed sentence structures. Make sure you know the proper uses for the most common forms of punctuation. Be mindful of your comma usage and know when a period is needed.

Finally, voice is tremendously important in academic essay writing. Employ language that is as concise as possible. Avoid transition words that don't add anything to the sentence and unnecessary wordiness that detracts from your argument.

Furthermore, use the active voice instead of the passive whenever possible (e.g., "this study found" instead of "it was found by this study"). This will make your essay's tone clear and direct.

3. Use the Right Vocabulary and Know What the Words You Are Using Actually Mean

How you use language is important, especially in academic essay writing. When writing an academic essay, remember that you are persuading others that you are an expert who argues intelligently about your topic.

Using big words just to sound smart often results in the opposite effect—it is easy to detect when someone is overcompensating in their writing.

If you aren't sure of the exact meaning of a word, you risk using it incorrectly. There's no shame in checking, and it might save you from an embarrassing word misuse later!

Using obscure language can also detract from the clarity of your argument—you should consider this before pulling out a thesaurus to change a perfectly appropriate word to something completely different.

4. Understand the Argument and Critically Analyze the Evidence

While writing a good essay, your main argument should always be at the front of your mind. While it's tempting to go off on a tangent about an interesting side note, doing so makes your writing less concise.

Always question the evidence you include in your essay; ask yourself, "Does this directly support my thesis?" If the answer is "no," then that evidence should probably be excluded. 

When you are evaluating evidence, be critical and thorough. You want to use the strongest research to back up your thesis. It is not enough to simply present evidence in support of an argument. A good writer must also explain why the evidence is relevant and supportive.

Everything you include should clearly connect to your topic and argument.   

5. Know How to Write a Conclusion That Supports Your Research

One of the most overlooked steps to writing an essay is the conclusion. Your conclusion ties all your research together and proves your thesis. It should not be a restatement of your introduction or a copy-and-paste of your thesis.

A strong conclusion briefly outlines the key evidence discussed in the body of an essay and directly ties it to the thesis to show how the evidence proves or disproves the main argument of your research.

Countless great essays have been written only to be derailed by vague, weakly worded conclusions. Don't let your next essay become one of those.     

6. Build a Solid Thesis to Support Your Arguments

A thesis is the main pillar of an essay. By selecting a specific thesis, you'll be able to develop arguments to support your central opinion. Consider writing about a unique experience or your own particular view of a topic .

Your thesis should be clear and logical, but it should also be debatable. Otherwise, it might be difficult to support it with compelling arguments.

7. Develop an Interesting Opening Paragraph to Hook In Readers from the Get-Go

No matter how you begin your essay, you must strive to capture the reader's interest immediately. If your opening paragraph doesn't catch the eye and engage the brain, any attempt at persuasion may end before the essay even starts. 

The beginning of your essay is crucial for setting the stage for your thesis.

8. Always Remember to Edit and Proofread Your Essay

Any decent writer will tell you that writing is really rewriting. A good academic essay will inevitably go through multiple drafts as it slowly takes shape. When you arrive at a final draft, you must make sure that it is as close to perfect as possible.

This means subjecting your essay to close and comprehensive editing and proofreading processes. In other words, you must read your paper as many times as necessary to eliminate all grammar/punctuation mistakes and typos.

It is helpful to have a third party review your work. Consider consulting a peer or professional editing service. Keep in mind that professional editors are able to help you identify underdeveloped arguments and unnecessarily wordy language, and provide other feedback.

Get Critical Feedback on Your Writing

Hire an expert academic editor , or get a free sample, 9. when developing your essay's main body, build strong and relevant arguments.

Every sentence in the main body of your paper should explain and support your thesis. When deciding how much evidence to include in an academic essay, a good guideline is to include at least three main supporting arguments.

Those main supporting arguments, in turn, require support in the form of relevant facts, figures, examples, analogies, and observations. 

You will need to engage in appropriate research to accomplish this. To organize your research efforts, you may want to develop a list of good research questions . 

10. Choose the Format of Your Essay before Writing It

The final shape that your essay takes depends a great deal on what kind of format you use. Popular college essay format types include the Modern Language Association of America ( MLA ), American Psychological Association ( APA ), and Chicago Manual of Style ( Chicago style).

These formats govern everything from capitalization rules to source citation. Often, professors dictate a specific format for your essay. If they do not, you should choose the format that best suits your field.

11. Create Clear Transitions between Your Ideas

Although unnecessary transition words are the enemy of clarity and concision, they can be invaluable tools when it comes to separating and connecting the different sections of your essay. 

Not only do they help you express your ideas but they also bring a cohesive structure to your sentences and a pleasant flow to your writing. Just be sure that you are using the right transition words for the right purpose and to the proper effect.

12. Always Include an Organized Reference Page at the End of Your Essay

As a key component of MLA, APA, and Chicago Style formatting, the reference or Works Cited page is an essential part of any academic essay.

Regardless of the format used, the reference page must be well organized and easy to read so that your audience can see exactly where your outside information came from. 

To produce a properly formatted reference page, you may have to familiarize yourself with specialized phrases and abbreviations, such as " et al ." 

13. Use Inclusive Language

Incorporating inclusive language in your academic writing ensures that your work is respectful and accessible to all readers. Use gender-neutral pronouns like "they/them" and replace gender-specific terms with inclusive alternatives, such as "firefighter" instead of "fireman." 

You can also respect cultural diversity by avoiding stereotypes and generalizations, specifying details like "Japanese, Thai, and Indian cuisine" rather than "Asian cuisine." Engaging with diverse audiences for feedback and staying updated on inclusive language practices will help you continuously improve your writing.

How to Write a Good Hook for an Essay

The key to a good hook is to introduce an unexplored or absorbing line of inquiry in your introduction that addresses the main point of your thesis. 

By carefully choosing your language and slowly revealing details, you can build reader anticipation for what follows. 

Much like an actual worm-baited fishing hook, a successful hook will lure and capture readers, allowing the writer to "reel them in."

How to Get Better at Writing Essays

You can get better at writing essays the same way that you improve at anything else: practice, practice, practice! However, there are a few ways that you can improve your writing quickly so you can turn in a quality academic essay on time.

In addition to following the 13 essay tips and guidelines above, you can familiarize yourself with a few common practices and structures for essay development. 

Great writing techniques for essays include brainstorming and tree diagrams, especially when coming up with a topic for your thesis statement. Becoming familiar with different structures for organizing your essay (order of importance, chronological, etc.) is also extremely helpful.

How to Write a Good Introduction for an Essay

To learn how to write a good essay, you must also learn how to write a good introduction. 

Most effective essay introductions begin with relatively broad and general subject matter and then gradually narrow in focus and scope until they arrive at something extremely specific: the thesis. This is why writers tend to place their thesis statements at the very end of their introductory paragraph(s).

Because they are generally broad and often relate only tangentially to an essay's main point, there is virtually no limit on what the beginning of a good introduction can look like. However, writers still tend to rely on somewhat cliché opening sentences, such as quotations and rhetorical questions.

How to Write a Good Conclusion for an Essay

Briefly put, a good conclusion does two things. It wraps up any loose ends and drives home the main point of your essay. 

To learn how to write a good conclusion, you will want to ensure that no unanswered questions remain in the reader's mind. A good conclusion will restate the thesis and reinforce the essay's main supporting points.

Take Your Essay from Good to Great

About the author.

Scribendi's in-house editors work with writers from all over the globe to perfect their writing. They know that no piece of writing is complete without a professional edit, and they love to see a good piece of writing turn into a great one after the editing process. Scribendi's in-house editors are unrivaled in both experience and education, having collectively edited millions of words and obtained nearly 20 degrees collectively. They love consuming caffeinated beverages, reading books of various genres, and relaxing in quiet, dimly lit spaces.

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How to improve healthcare improvement—an essay by Mary Dixon-Woods

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• Mary Dixon-Woods , director
• THIS Institute, Cambridge, UK
• director{at}thisinstitute.cam.ac.uk

As improvement practice and research begin to come of age, Mary Dixon-Woods considers the key areas that need attention if we are to reap their benefits

In the NHS, as in health systems worldwide, patients are exposed to risks of avoidable harm 1 and unwarranted variations in quality. 2 3 4 But too often, problems in the quality and safety of healthcare are merely described, even “admired,” 5 rather than fixed; the effort invested in collecting information (which is essential) is not matched by effort in making improvement. The National Confidential Enquiry into Patient Outcome and Death, for example, has raised many of the same concerns in report after report. 6 Catastrophic degradations of organisations and units have recurred throughout the history of the NHS, with depressingly similar features each time. 7 8 9

More resources are clearly necessary to tackle many of these problems. There is no dispute about the preconditions for high quality, safe care: funding, staff, training, buildings, equipment, and other infrastructure. But quality health services depend not just on structures but on processes. 10 Optimising the use of available resources requires continuous improvement of healthcare processes and systems. 5

The NHS has seen many attempts to stimulate organisations to improve using incentive schemes, ranging from pay for performance (the Quality and Outcomes Framework in primary care, for example) to public reporting (such as annual quality accounts). They have had mixed results, and many have had unintended consequences. 11 12 Wanting to improve is not the same as knowing how to do it.

In response, attention has increasingly turned to a set of approaches known as quality improvement (QI). Though a definition of exactly what counts as a QI approach has escaped consensus, QI is often identified with a set of techniques adapted from industrial settings. They include the US Institute for Healthcare Improvement’s Model for Improvement, which, among other things, combines measurement with tests of small change (plan-do-study-act cycles). 8 Other popular approaches include Lean and Six Sigma. QI can also involve specific interventions intended to improve processes and systems, ranging from checklists and “care bundles” of interventions (a set of evidence based practices intended to be done consistently) through to medicines reconciliation and clinical pathways.

QI has been advocated in healthcare for over 30 years 13 ; policies emphasise the need for QI and QI practice is mandated for many healthcare professionals (including junior doctors). Yet the question, “Does quality improvement actually improve quality?” remains surprisingly difficult to answer. 14 The evidence for the benefits of QI is mixed 14 and generally of poor quality. It is important to resolve this unsatisfactory situation. That will require doing more to bring together the practice and the study of improvement, using research to improve improvement, and thinking beyond effectiveness when considering the study and practice of improvement.

Uniting practice and study

The practice and study of improvement need closer integration. Though QI programmes and interventions may be just as consequential for patient wellbeing as drugs, devices, and other biomedical interventions, research about improvement has often been seen as unnecessary or discretionary, 15 16 particularly by some of its more ardent advocates. This is partly because the challenges faced are urgent, and the solutions seem obvious, so just getting on with it seems the right thing to do.

But, as in many other areas of human activity, QI is pervaded by optimism bias. It is particularly affected by the “lovely baby” syndrome, which happens when formal evaluation is eschewed because something looks so good that it is assumed it must work. Five systematic reviews (published 2010-16) reporting on evaluations of Lean and Six Sigma did not identify a single randomised controlled trial. 17 18 19 20 21 A systematic review of redesigning care processes identified no randomised trials. 22 A systematic review of the application of plan-do-study-act in healthcare identified no randomised trials. 23 A systematic review of several QI methods in surgery identified just one randomised trial. 56

The sobering reality is that some well intentioned, initially plausible improvement efforts fail when subjected to more rigorous evaluation. 24 For instance, a controlled study of a large, well resourced programme that supported a group of NHS hospitals to implement the IHI’s Model for Improvement found no differences in the rate of improvement between participating and control organisations. 25 26 Specific interventions may, similarly, not survive the rigours of systematic testing. An example is a programme to reduce hospital admissions from nursing homes that showed promise in a small study in the US, 27 but a later randomised implementation trial found no effect on admissions or emergency department attendances. 28

Some interventions are probably just not worth the effort and opportunity cost: having nurses wear “do not disturb” tabards during drug rounds, is one example. 29 And some QI efforts, perversely, may cause harm—as happened when a multicomponent intervention was found to be associated with an increase rather than a decrease in surgical site infections. 30

Producing sound evidence for the effectiveness of improvement interventions and programmes is likely to require a multipronged approach. More large scale trials and other rigorous studies, with embedded qualitative inquiry, should be a priority for research funders.

Not every study of improvement needs to be a randomised trial. One valuable but underused strategy involves wrapping evaluation around initiatives that are happening anyway, especially when it is possible to take advantage of natural experiments or design roll-outs. 31 Evaluation of the reorganisation of stroke care in London and Manchester 32 and the study of the Matching Michigan programme to reduce central line infections are good examples. 33 34

It would be impossible to externally evaluate every QI project. Critically important therefore will be increasing the rigour with which QI efforts evaluate themselves, as shown by a recent study of an attempt to improve care of frail older people using a “hospital at home” approach in southwest England. 35 This ingeniously designed study found no effect on outcomes and also showed that context matters.

Despite the potential value of high quality evaluation, QI reports are often weak, 18 with, for example, interventions so poorly reported that reproducibility is frustrated. 36 Recent reporting guidelines may help, 37 but some problems are not straightforward to resolve. In particular, current structures for governance and publishing research are not always well suited to QI, including situations where researchers study programmes they have not themselves initiated. Systematic learning from QI needs to improve, which may require fresh thinking about how best to align the goals of practice and study, and to reconcile the needs of different stakeholders. 38

Using research to improve improvement

Research can help to support the practice of improvement in many ways other than evaluation of its effectiveness. One important role lies in creating assets that can be used to improve practice, such as ways to visualise data, analytical methods, and validated measures that assess the aspects of care that most matter to patients and staff. This kind of work could, for example, help to reduce the current vast number of quality measures—there are more than 1200 indicators of structure and process in perioperative care alone. 39

The study of improvement can also identify how improvement practice can get better. For instance, it has become clear that fidelity to the basic principles of improvement methods is a major problem: plan-do-study-act cycles are crucial to many improvement approaches, yet only 20% of the projects that report using the technique have done so properly. 23 Research has also identified problems in measurement—teams trying to do improvement may struggle with definitions, data collection, and interpretation 40 —indicating that this too requires more investment.

Improvement research is particularly important to help cumulate, synthesise, and scale learning so that practice can move forward without reinventing solutions that already exist or reintroducing things that do not work. Such theorising can be highly practical, 41 helping to clarify the mechanisms through which interventions are likely to work, supporting the optimisation of those interventions, and identifying their most appropriate targets. 42

Research can systematise learning from “positive deviance,” approaches that examine individuals, teams, or organisations that show exceptionally good performance. 43 Positive deviance can be used to identify successful designs for clinical processes that other organisations can apply. 44

Crucially, positive deviance can also help to characterise the features of high performing contexts and ensure that the right lessons are learnt. For example, a distinguishing feature of many high performing organisations, including many currently rated as outstanding by the Care Quality Commission, is that they use structured methods of continuous quality improvement. But studies of high performing settings, such as the Southmead maternity unit in Bristol, indicate that although continuous improvement is key to their success, a specific branded improvement method is not necessary. 45 This and other work shows that not all improvement needs to involve a well defined QI intervention, and not everything requires a discrete project with formal plan-do-study-act cycles.

More broadly, research has shown that QI is just one contributor to improving quality and safety. Organisations in many industries display similar variations to healthcare organisations, including large and persistent differences in performance and productivity between seemingly similar enterprises. 46 Important work, some of it experimental, is beginning to show that it is the quality of their management practices that distinguishes them. 47 These practices include continuous quality improvement as well as skills training, human resources, and operational management, for example. QI without the right contextual support is likely to have limited impact.

Beyond effectiveness

Important as they are, evaluations of the approaches and interventions in individual improvement programmes cannot answer every pertinent question about improvement. 48 Other key questions concern the values and assumptions intrinsic to QI.

Consider the “product dominant” logic in many healthcare improvement efforts, which assumes that one party makes a product and conveys it to a consumer. 49 Paul Batalden, one of the early pioneers of QI in healthcare, proposes that we need instead a “service dominant” logic, which assumes that health is co-produced with patients. 49

More broadly, we must interrogate how problems of quality and safety are identified, defined, and selected for attention by whom, through which power structures, and with what consequences. Why, for instance, is so much attention given to individual professional behaviour when systems are likely to be a more productive focus? 50 Why have quality and safety in mental illness and learning disability received less attention in practice, policy, and research 51 despite high morbidity and mortality and evidence of both serious harm and failures of organisational learning? The concern extends to why the topic of social inequities in healthcare improvement has remained so muted 52 and to the choice of subjects for study. Why is it, for example, that interventions like education and training, which have important roles in quality and safety and are undertaken at vast scale, are often treated as undeserving of evaluation or research?

How QI is organised institutionally also demands attention. It is often conducted as a highly local, almost artisan activity, with each organisation painstakingly working out its own solution for each problem. Much improvement work is conducted by professionals in training, often in the form of small, time limited projects conducted for accreditation. But working in this isolated way means a lack of critical mass to support the right kinds of expertise, such as the technical skill in human factors or ergonomics necessary to engineer a process or devise a safety solution. Having hundreds of organisations all trying to do their own thing also means much waste, and the absence of harmonisation across basic processes introduces inefficiencies and risks. 14

A better approach to the interorganisational nature of health service provision requires solving the “problem of many hands.” 53 We need ways to agree which kinds of sector-wide challenges need standardisation and interoperability; which solutions can be left to local customisation at implementation; and which should be developed entirely locally. 14 Better development of solutions and interventions is likely to require more use of prototyping, modelling and simulation, and testing in different scenarios and under different conditions, 14 ideally through coordinated, large scale efforts that incorporate high quality evaluation.

Finally, an approach that goes beyond effectiveness can also help in recognising the essential role of the professions in healthcare improvement. The past half century has seen a dramatic redefining of the role and status of the healthcare professions in health systems 54 : unprecedented external accountability, oversight, and surveillance are now the norm. But policy makers would do well to recognise how much more can be achieved through professional coalitions of the willing than through too many imposed, compliance focused diktats. Research is now showing how the professions can be hugely important institutional forces for good. 54 55 In particular, the professions have a unique and invaluable role in working as advocates for improvement, creating alliances with patients, providing training and education, contributing expertise and wisdom, coordinating improvement efforts, and giving political voice for problems that need to be solved at system level (such as, for example, equipment design).

Improvement efforts are critical to securing the future of the NHS. But they need an evidence base. Without sound evaluation, patients may be deprived of benefit, resources and energy may be wasted on ineffective QI interventions or on interventions that distribute risks unfairly, and organisations are left unable to make good decisions about trade-offs given their many competing priorities. The study of improvement has an important role in developing an evidence-base and in exploring questions beyond effectiveness alone, and in particular showing the need to establish improvement as a collective endeavour that can benefit from professional leadership.

Mary Dixon-Woods is the Health Foundation professor of healthcare improvement studies and director of The Healthcare Improvement Studies (THIS) Institute at the University of Cambridge, funded by the Health Foundation. Co-editor-in-chief of BMJ Quality and Safety , she is an honorary fellow of the Royal College of General Practitioners and the Royal College of Physicians. This article is based largely on the Harveian oration she gave at the RCP on 18 October 2018, in the year of the college’s 500th anniversary. The oration is available here: http://www.clinmed.rcpjournal.org/content/19/1/47 and the video version here: https://www.rcplondon.ac.uk/events/harveian-oration-and-dinner-2018

This article is one of a series commissioned by The BMJ based on ideas generated by a joint editorial group with members from the Health Foundation and The BMJ , including a patient/carer. The BMJ retained full editorial control over external peer review, editing, and publication. Open access fees and The BMJ ’s quality improvement editor post are funded by the Health Foundation.

Competing interests: I have read and understood BMJ policy on declaration of interests and a statement is available here: https://www.bmj.com/about-bmj/advisory-panels/editorial-advisory-board/mary-dixonwoods

Provenance and peer review: Commissioned; not externally peer reviewed.

This is an Open Access article distributed in accordance with the Creative Commons Attribution Non Commercial (CC BY-NC 4.0) license, which permits others to distribute, remix, adapt, build upon this work non-commercially, and license their derivative works on different terms, provided the original work is properly cited and the use is non-commercial. See: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/4.0/ .

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School Improvement Essay

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• As a source of information (ensure proper referencing)
• As a template for you assignment

Most societies in the modern world comprise of a variety of individuals. This is because they are made up of people who are from different cultures and background. As a result, these societies contain a rich heritage due to the interaction of the culture, traditions and beliefs of the people who are part and parcel of it. Normally, the main factor that constitute to the difference of the individuals who make up these societies is race.

Many societies in the modern civilization comprise of individuals who are from different races of the world. In America, for example, a community can be made up of Latinos, African Americans and individuals from the white community (Manasseh, 2010). This ratio complexity has its own advantages and disadvantages.

The culture, background and traditions of these individuals play an important role in the determination of the various factors of their lives. This includes their behaviour, beliefs, psychological status, cognitive development and intellectuality.

With regards to these factors, it will therefore be true to state that racial differences, among other factors play a critical role in determining the academic performance of an individual (Murphy, 2009). Due to this fact, this essay shall on the effects of racial differences and achievement gap.

Education has become an essential requirement in the modern world. This is due to the role it plays in determining and shaping the career of an individual. Education gives individuals the knowledge and skills that is required to perform given roles in a specific profession. As a result, individuals who are learned stand a better chance of having desirable careers as compared to individuals who are not learned or perform poorly in school.

From studies that have been conducted, a strong correlation has been identified between the performance of a student and his ethnic background. Students from white families tend to perform better as compared to those from Latino and African American communities (Murphy, 2009). This difference can be attributed to a number of factors. This may include cultural differences, financial stability, cognitive development and so on.

Due to the increased levels of poor performance, many governments have employed a number of strategies to improve the educational status of their countries. To achieve this, most schools have mainly concentrated on modifying their educational system.

This, for example, entails having favourable leadership that ensures that teachers conduct their roles as per the expected standards and that there is proper allocation of resources to all the departments. Other governments have modified their curriculum and education system in order to meet the current needs and requirements of the modern world.

In other circumstances, schools have maintained teachers who exhibit high performance but have replaced those who were performing poorly. These are just but some of the strategies that schools have been employing over time to improve the performance of their students.

However, in all these strategies, a critical aspect has always been left out in order to minimize the gap in the performance of students on racial lines. This is the role played by the community in the determination of the success or failure of any project. I feel that it is essential for the government and schools to consult and work together with the community in order to improve the performance of their students.

With this strategy in place, it will be easier to understand the needs of a community. It also encourages parental participation. This makes them to feel as part and parcel of the project.

As a result, the performance of students will be monitored both at home and in school. Teachers and parents will work together as a team to achieve a common goal. Once this strategy is integrated with other methods, the performance gap as a result of racial lines shall be reduced.

Manasseh, A.L. (2010) Vision and Leadership: Paying attention to intention. Peabody Journal of Education, 63 (1), 150-173.

Murphy, J.T. (2009) The unheroic side of leadership: Notes from the swamp. Phi Delta Kappan , 69, 654-659.

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How to Write a Self Evaluation (With Examples)

First step, be honest about your hits and misses.

Self evaluations are performance assessments that bring you and your manager together to rate your performance over a given time span (quarterly, semi-annually, annually) either using a scale (one to 10 or one to five) or by answering open-ended questions. You complete the evaluation and so does your manager. During the performance review , the two of you compare notes to arrive at a final evaluation.

What Is a Self Evaluation?

Self evaluations are performance assessments that both employees and managers complete. They can be done quarterly, semi-annually or annually, and range from open-ended questions discussed to ratings given on a numeric scale.

Writing about yourself, especially if those words are going to be part of your permanent work record, can be daunting. But it doesn’t have to be. In fact, self evaluations give you a voice in your performance review , and they’re opportunities to outline your career goals and get help in reaching them.

Below, we’ll examine self evaluation benefits, tips and examples, plus how both employees and managers can complete them successfully.

More on Self Evaluations Self-Evaluations Make Stronger Leaders. Here’s How to Write One.

Benefits of Self Evaluations 

1. help employees and managers prepare for performance reviews.

Completing a self evaluation can help guide the eventual performance-review conversation in a structured, but meaningful, way. It also helps both parties get an idea of what needs to be discussed during a performance review, so neither feels caught off guard by the conversation.

2. Give Employees an Opportunity to Reflect on Their Progress

Since self evaluations are inherently reflective, they allow employees to identify and examine their strengths and weaknesses. This helps employees both know their worth to an organization and what they still have left to learn. 

“Self evaluations enable employees to see their work in its entirety,” Jill Bowman, director of people at fintech company Octane , said. “They ensure that employees reflect on their high points throughout the entire year and to assess their progress towards achieving predetermined objectives and goals.”

3. Help Managers Track Employee Accomplishments

Employee self assessments help managers more accurately remember each employee’s accomplishments. “As many managers often have numerous direct reports, it provides a useful summary of the achievements of each member,” Bowman said.

4. Improve Employee Satisfaction

Academic literature indicates that employees are more satisfied with evaluations that involve two-way communication and encourage a conversation between manager and employee, according to Thomas Begley, professor of management at Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute . 

The thing is, employees have to trust that the process is fair, Begley added. If they believe it is, and they’re treated fairly and respectfully during the process, employees react positively to self evaluations.

5. Can Decrease Employee Turnover

Some companies see tangible results from self evaluations. For example, Smarty , an address-verification company, enjoys low staff turnover, said Rob Green, chief revenue officer. The self-evaluation method, coupled with a strong focus on a communication-based corporate culture, has resulted in a 97 percent retention rate, Green told Built In.

Related 6 Ways to Be More Confident in Performance Reviews

How to Write a Self Evaluation

The ability to write a self evaluation is a critical career skill.

“Self evaluations give you a platform to influence your manager and in many cases, reframe the nature of the relationship with your manager,” Richard Hawkes, CEO and founder of Growth River , a leadership and management consulting company, said. “And all results in business happen in the context of relationships.”

Below are some tips on how to complete a self evaluation.

1. Track Your Work and Accomplishments

Daily or weekly tracking of your work can help you keep track of your progress and also prevent last-minute “what on earth did I do the last six months?” panic at performance evaluation time, said Peter Griscom, CEO at Tradefluence . “Strip down the questions to two or three, and just ask yourself, ‘How well did I communicate today?’ ‘How well did I solve problems today?’ ‘What have I achieved today?’” Griscom said. “Get in the habit of writing those things out and keeping track and over time.”

2. Answer Honestly  

For his first self evaluation, Griscom remembers wondering how to best answer the questions. After he asked his manager for guidance, Griscom answered the questions as accurately as he could. “What came out of it was really valuable, because it gave me a chance to reflect on my own achievements and think about where I can improve,” he said. “It forced me to do the thinking instead of just accepting feedback.”

3. Highlight Your Achievements

If your boss has a handful of direct reports, chances are good they haven’t noticed each of your shining moments during a review period. This is your chance to spotlight yourself. Quotas exceeded, projects finished ahead of schedule, fruitful mentoring relationships, processes streamlined — whatever you’ve done, share it, and don’t be shy about it, said Alexandra Phillips , a leadership and management coach. Women, especially, tend not to share achievements and accomplishments as loudly or often as they should. “Make sure your manager has a good sense of where you’ve had those wins, large and small, because sometimes they can fly under the radar,” Phillips added.

4. Admit Weaknesses and How You Have Grown 

If you’ve made a whopper mistake since your past review, mention it — and be sure to discuss what you’ve learned from it. Chances are good your manager knows you made a mistake, and bringing it up gives you the opportunity to provide more context to the situation.

5. Acknowledge Areas of Improvement

Be prepared for your manager to point out a few areas for improvement. This is where career growth happens. “If you want something,” whether it’s a promotion or move to another department, “you need to know how to get there,” said Phillips.

Related What Are Short-Term Career Goals? (With 12 Examples)

Self Evaluation Examples and Templates Answers

Still not sure what to do when you put pen to paper? Here are six open-ended self evaluation sample questions from the Society for Human Resource Management, as well as example answers you can use to prepare for your own self evaluation.

1. Job Performance Examples

List your most significant accomplishments or contributions since last year. How do these achievements align with the goals/objectives outlined in your last review?

How to answer with positive results: In the past year, I successfully led our team in finishing [project A]. I was instrumental in finding solutions to several project challenges, among them [X, Y and Z]. When Tom left the company unexpectedly, I was able to cover his basic tasks until a replacement was hired, thus keeping our team on track to meet KPIs. 

I feel the above accomplishments demonstrate that I have taken more of a leadership role in our department, a move that we discussed during my last performance review.

How to answer with ways to improve: Although I didn’t meet all of my goals in the last year, I am working on improving this by changing my workflow and holding myself accountable. I am currently working to meet my goals by doing [X, Y and Z] and I plan to have [project A] completed by [steps here]. I believe that I will be able to correct my performance through these actionable steps.  

Describe areas you feel require improvement in terms of your professional capabilities. List the steps you plan to take and/or the resources you need to accomplish this.

I feel I could do better at moving projects off my desk and on to the next person without overthinking them or sweating details that are not mine to sweat; in this regard I could trust my teammates more. I plan to enlist your help with this and ask for a weekly 15-minute one-on-one meeting to do so.  

Identify two career goals for the coming year and indicate how you plan to accomplish them.

One is a promotion to senior project manager, which I plan to reach by continuing to show leadership skills on the team. Another is that I’d like to be seen as a real resource for the organization, and plan to volunteer for the committee to update the standards and practices handbook.  

2. Leadership Examples

Since the last appraisal period, have you successfully performed any new tasks or additional duties outside the scope of your regular responsibilities? If so, please specify.

How to answer with positive results: Yes. I have established mentoring relationships with one of the younger members of our team, as well as with a more seasoned person in another department. I have also successfully taken over the monthly all-hands meeting in our team, trimming meeting time to 30 minutes from an hour and establishing clear agendas and expectations for each meeting. Again, I feel these align with my goal to become more of a leader.

How to answer with ways to improve: Since the last review period, I focused my efforts on improving my communication with our team, meeting my goals consistently and fostering relationships with leaders in other departments. Over the next six months, I plan on breaking out of my comfort zone by accomplishing [X, Y and Z].  

What activities have you initiated, or actively participated in, to encourage camaraderie and teamwork within your group and/or office? What was the result?

How to answer with positive results: I launched the “No More Panicked Mondays” program to help on-site and remote colleagues make Mondays more productive. The initiative includes segmenting the day into 25-minute parts to answer emails, get caught up on direct messages, sketch out to-do lists and otherwise plan for the week ahead. NMPM also includes a 15-minute “Weekend Update” around lunch time, during which staff shares weekend activities. Attendance was slow at first but has picked up to nearly 90 percent participation. The result overall for the initiative is more of the team signs on to direct messages earlier in the day, on average 9:15 a.m. instead of the previous 10 a.m., and anecdotally, the team seems more enthusiastic about the week. I plan to conduct a survey later this month to get team input on how we can change up the initiative.

How to answer with ways to improve: Although I haven’t had the chance to lead any new initiatives since I got hired, I recently had an idea for [A] and wanted to run it by you. Do you think this would be beneficial to our team? I would love to take charge of a program like this.  

3. Professional Development Examples

Describe your professional development activities since last year, such as offsite seminars/classes (specify if self-directed or required by your supervisor), onsite training, peer training, management coaching or mentoring, on-the-job experience, exposure to challenging projects, other—please describe.

How to answer with positive results: I completed a class on SEO best practices and shared what I learned from the seminar during a lunch-and-learn with my teammates. I took on a pro-bono website development project for a local nonprofit, which gave me a new look at website challenges for different types of organizations. I also, as mentioned above, started two new mentoring relationships.

How to answer with ways to improve: This is something I have been thinking about but would like a little guidance with. I would love to hear what others have done in the past to help me find my footing. I am eager to learn more about [A] and [B] and would like to hear your thoughts on which courses or seminars you might recommend. 

Related How to Find the Right Mentor — and How to Be One

Types of Self Evaluations

Self evaluations can include rating scale questions, open-ended questions or a hybrid of both. Each approach has its own set of pros and cons to consider.

1. Rating Self Evaluation

Rating scale self evaluations give a list of statements where employees are asked to rate themselves on a scale of one to five or one to ten (generally the higher the number, the more favorable the rating). 

For example, in Smarty’s self evaluations, it uses a tool called 3A+. This one calls for employees and managers to sit down and complete the evaluation together, at the same time. Employees rate themselves from 3, 2 or 1 (three being the best) on their capability in their role; A, B or C on their helpfulness to others, and plus or minus on their “diligence and focus” in their role. Managers rate the employees using the same scale. A “perfect” score would be 3A+, while an underperforming employee would rate 2B-.

At the performance evaluation meeting, managers and employees compare their ratings, and employees ask for feedback on how they can improve.

But rating systems can have their challenges that are often rooted in bias . For example, women are more likely to rate themselves lower than men. People from individualistic cultures, which emphasize individuals over community, will rate themselves higher than people from collectivist cultures, which place a premium on the group rather than the individual.

2. Open-Ended Question Self Evaluation

Open-ended questions ask employees to list their accomplishments, setbacks and goals in writing. The goal of open-ended questions is to get employees thinking deeply about their work and where they need to improve. 

Open-ended questions allow employees a true voice in the process, whereas “self ratings” can sometimes be unfair , Fresia Jackson, lead research people scientist at Culture Amp , said. 

With open-ended questions, employees tend to be more forgiving with themselves, which can be both good and bad. Whatever result open ended questions bring about, they typically offer more fodder for discussion between employees and managers.

3. Hybrid Self Evaluation

Hybrid self evaluations combine both rating questions and open-ended questions, where employees assess their skills and accomplishments by using a number scale and by answering in writing. This type of self evaluation lets employees provide quantitative and qualitative answers for a more holistic reflection. 

Self-Evaluation Questions for Performance Reviews

If you’ve never done a self evaluation, or if you just need a refresher before your next performance review, looking over some examples of self evaluation questions — like the ones below — can be a helpful starting point.

Common Self-Evaluation Questions for Performance Reviews

• What are you most proud of?
• What would you do differently?
• How have you carried out the company’s mission statement?
• Where would you like to be a year from now?
• List your skills and positive attributes.
• List your accomplishments, especially those that impacted others or moved you toward goals.
• Think about your mistakes and what you’ve learned from them.
• What are your opportunities to grow through advancement and/or learning?
• How do the above tie to your professional goals?

Self-Evaluation Questions for Career Planning and Growth

• What are you interested in working on?
• What are you working on now?
• What do you want to learn more about?
• How can I as your manager better support you?
• What can the company do to support your journey?
• How can the immediate team support you?
• What can you do to better support the team and the company? 

Self-Evaluation Questions for Performance and Career Goals

• How did you perform in relation to your goals?
• What level of positive impact did your performance have on the team?
• Did your performance have a positive impact on the business?
• What was your level of collaboration with other departments?
• What corporate value do you bring to life?
• What corporate value do you most struggle to align with?
• Summarize your strengths.
• Summarize your development areas.
• Summarize your performance/achievements during this year.
• How would you rate your overall performance this year? 

Related How to Set Professional Goals

How Should Managers Approach Self Evaluations?

It’s clear here that self evaluations, as a type of performance review, are more employee- than manager-driven. That said, managers are a key ingredient in this process, and the way managers handle self evaluations determines much about how useful they are and how well employees respond to them. To make sure they’re as effective as possible, consider these suggestions.

Train Managers on How to Use Evaluations

“If you don’t, there’s no point in doing them, because the manager is going to be the one driving the conversations,” Elisabeth Duncan, vice president of human resources at Evive, said. “Without training, the [evaluations] will be a checkbox and not meaningful.”

Don’t Use Ratings Formulaically

The results of self evaluations that employ a scale (say, one to five) can vary wildly, as one manager’s three is another manager’s five. Use the scale to identify and address discrepancies between the manager’s and employee’s answers, not to decide on raises or promotions across the company.

Hold Self Evaluations Often

They work best as career-development tools if they’re held semi-annually, quarterly or even more often. “It’s about an ongoing, consistent conversation,” Duncan said.

Tailor Them For Each Department

Competencies in sales very likely differ from competencies in tech, marketing and other departments. Competencies for junior-level employees probably differ wildly from those for senior managers. Self evaluations tailored to different employee populations will be more effective, and fairer.

Stress That the Rating Is Just the Start

The rating or the open-ended questions are the beginning of the evaluation process; they are not the process itself. “These are tools to trigger a conversation,” Duncan said.

Overall, think of self evaluations as a way to engage with your manager and your work in a way that furthers your career. Embrace the self evaluation and get good at writing them. In no time at all, you’ll find that they can be a productive way to reflect on yourself and your skillset.

Frequently Asked Questions

What is a self evaluation.

A self evaluation is a personal assessment used for employees to reflect on their strengths, weaknesses, accomplishments and overall progress during an allotted time on the job.

Self evaluations are often completed quarterly, semi-annually or annually, and can include numbered rating questions or open-ended written questions.

How do you write a good self evaluation?

An effective self evaluation is one where you highlight your achievements and instances of growth as well as areas for improvement during your given period of time at work. Tracking specific accomplishments and metrics can be especially helpful for writing a good self evaluation.

Jessica Powers contributed reporting to this story.

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Home — Essay Samples — Life — Making The World a Better Place — Self-Improvement and Changing the World

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From Solo Efforts to Global Ventures: A Path of Personal Growth

MAcc student Brenna Doyle is always looking for ways to learn and improve. “I never want to feel stagnant in my career,” Doyle says. “I want to be in places where I can grow, both as a professional and as a person.” Today, Doyle knows that working collaboratively fosters the growth she is striving for—but she didn’t always see it that way.

As she entered the junior core in the School of Accountancy (SOA) at the BYU Marriott School of Business, Doyle was skeptical about working with her team. “I felt school work was easier to do on my own,” she recalls. But her experience in the junior core changed her perspective: “Things that were hard for me, other people could help me on—things that were hard for them, I could help with. I’ve been able to learn how to interact in a team environment and to learn the necessary accounting skills at the same time.”

Doyle finished her undergraduate coursework in accounting alongside her cohort in the SOA. Now in the MAcc program, she enjoys building connections with her professors. “I’ve appreciated professors who have been open and candid, who shared the good and hard things in their lives to help advise us,” Doyle says. “I’ve learned a lot from the things my professors have shared from their careers in accounting, their relationships with their family, and all the other aspects of their lives.”

In Doyle’s experience, faculty were willing to share not only life and career experience but also their networks. “I love the connections I have access to from BYU Marriott,” she shares. “Everyone’s so willing to help you find a job or connect with people—even the alumni.”

Through BYU Marriott alumni and faculty connections, Doyle learned that US-based companies often have offices around the world. The idea of living abroad, experiencing different places, and collaborating with new people intrigued Doyle. She decided to kick-start her international experience by going on the International Accounting Study Abroad in the spring of 2023.

“A big part of going abroad is learning about different cultures in addition to how they do accounting,” Doyle says. “The way their culture impacts people’s businesses and personal lives is so interesting.”

Following her study abroad, Doyle was one of 120 international students chosen to attend the KPMG Global Advantage program, an accounting conference where Doyle learned about key professional skills like interpersonal impact and leadership.

Doyle’s international experiences enabled her to gain perspective on international accounting practices and build her own global network. “The things I’m most grateful for are the people I’ve met and the connections I’ve made,” Doyle says. “I love learning about how other people live their lives and the things they care about.” As she works through the last year of the MAcc program, Doyle looks forward to a life full of working and learning from new experiences, places, and people.

Written by Melissa Een

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Community Essay Examples

When crafting your college applications, writing strong essays is essential. Through your essays, you demonstrate who you are–from your values and passions to your lived experiences. Indeed the personal statement is the most common college essay. However, you will also likely have to write some supplemental essays as part of your college application requirements. One of the most common supplemental essay types is the community essay. This essay type is also known as a describe the community you live in essay, cultural diversity essay, or community service essay.

In this article, we will introduce several community essay examples. Most importantly, we’ll describe why they are considered college essays that worked. Specifically, we will share community essay examples from the two schools:

• Princeton University
• Columbia University

By studying these admissions essay samples, you can see what makes these college community essay examples strong and apply those same principles to your writing.

Reviewing Types of College Essays

Each school has different supplemental essay prompts for their college application requirements. However, there are a few types of essays that are most common. By becoming familiar with these essay types, you can begin to brainstorm and strategize what you will write about early on. You might start as early as sophomore or junior year in high school. 

Now, let’s take a look at the most common supplementary essay questions.

Common Supplementary Essay Questions

1. why school.

A Why School essay is, as it sounds, about why you wish to attend a specific institution. The key to answering this prompt well is to be specific. You should identify examples of what you like about a school. Avoid general comments such as “it is a top school” or “it is diverse.” Share specific programs, professors, teaching approaches, cultural elements, or unique opportunities such as research or study abroad.

2. Why Major

The Why Major essay asks you to share specific reasons behind your choice of major and how it relates to your future goals. A strong response to a Why Major essay will highlight your specific motivations. But it will also connect those motivations to a school’s unique opportunities. For example, perhaps you wish to be a pre-law history major, and the school you are applying to offers law-related internships. By highlighting these specific connections, you draw a compelling connection between yourself and the school.

3. Extracurricular Activity

Many schools ask you to describe an extracurricular activity that is particularly meaningful for you. When responding to this question, do not feel limited to only talk about the most popular extracurricular activities for college applications, like clubs or sports. Consider all of the activities you do outside of school. Then choose the one that is most meaningful to you. Also, give specific examples of how you grew or made an impact within your extracurricular activities for college.

4. Community Essay

The Community Essay can have slightly different angles to it. But, the uniting factor is that the school wants to know how you engage with others around you. Some types of community essays are a describe the community you live in essay or a cultural diversity essay. In recent years, the cultural diversity essay has been a more common college application requirement.

Coming up, we will share a bit more about how to break down community essay prompts. We’ll also take a look at college essays that worked. By reading these examples, you’ll know how to approach these common prompts.

How to identify a community essay?

While community essays can have slightly different focuses, they all share the goal of learning about where you come from. A supplemental essay prompt might ask you to share more about your background via a group you are part of. This is likely a community essay. Indeed, a community essay can also be called a describe the community you live in essay, or a cultural diversity essay. Other college community essay examples focus on how you will contribute to a college campus. Finally, in a describe a community you belong to essay example, you will see that students highlight any community that is meaningful to them.

You may be wondering why so many colleges have community essays as a college application requirement. For one, many colleges use a holistic admissions process. This means they care about all aspects of who you are, not simply your grades and test scores. How you engage with your communities shows them your character and values. For example, a describe the community you live in essay example about visiting church every Sunday demonstrates your commitment to religion. Similarly, a cultural diversity essay helps colleges learn more about your cultural background. 

Additionally, colleges want to learn more about how you will engage with their on-campus community. You’ll notice this important factor in the college community essay examples we will share. To some degree, how you have engaged with previous communities can be an indicator of how you will show up on their campus.

How is a community essay different?

As we mentioned, community essays can have slightly different focuses. Some prompts ask you to write a describe the community you live in essay. These types of community essays are more like cultural diversity essays. 

Keep in mind that the word “community” can have many different meanings. A community can be your school, church, or neighborhood. It could also stem from your interests. For example, your dance or robotics team can form your community.

Some community essay prompts want to know specifically how you help strengthen your communities. These types of essays are considered a community service essay. Another term for community service is “civic engagement.” An example of civic engagement might be getting people in your cultural community to sign up to vote. Or, another could be helping with church fundraisers to ensure that your local community has the resources it needs to thrive. 

In sum, the keywords you might see in a community essay prompt are “civic engagement,” “community service,” “serve your community,” “contribute to your community,” or “diversity.” No matter how it’s phrased, your essay should demonstrate the impact you’ve had on your community–whichever one you choose to highlight. 

What are some examples of community essays?

In this article, we will share several community essay examples. Specifically, we will highlight Princeton essay examples and Columbia essays examples. Let’s look at these two colleges’ essay prompts. 

The first Princeton supplemental essay prompt is a part of our college community essay examples and our cultural diversity essay examples. Here is the prompt:

Princeton Community Essay Prompt #1: Cultural Diversity Essay and College Community Essay Examples

Princeton values community and encourages students, faculty, staff and leadership to engage in respectful conversations that can expand their perspectives and challenge their ideas and beliefs. as a prospective member of this community, reflect on how your lived experiences will impact the conversations you will have in the classroom, the dining hall or other campus spaces. what lessons have you learned in life thus far what will your classmates learn from you in short, how has your lived experience shaped you  (please respond in 500 words or fewer.).

In this cultural diversity essay prompt, Princeton wants to know about your lived experiences. By this, they refer to any experiences that have shaped you profoundly. A lived experience can be a specific event, such as experiencing a car crash or winning an award. Or, it could be a set of experiences that resulted from life circumstances, such as being a first-generation college student or having taken a gap year .

This essay prompt will also lead to college community essay examples. Indeed Princeton wants to read about your lived experiences and how they impacted you. But, they also want to know how you will bring those lessons to the Princeton community, should you enroll . Also, note that this prompt mentions challenging ideas and beliefs via conversation. As you respond, look for ways to highlight how you have engaged in fruitful dialogue and how you would do so at Princeton.

To answer this prompt effectively, share specific examples. Additionally, be sure to answer all parts of the prompt. 

Princeton has a second supplemental essay prompt that focuses on how you engage with your community outside of the classroom. The prompt is as follows: 

Princeton Community Essay Prompt #2: Civic Engagement

Princeton has a longstanding commitment to understanding our responsibility to society through service and civic engagement. how does your own story intersect with these ideals (250 words or fewer) .

To answer this prompt well, you must highlight specific examples of how you have positively impacted your community. As a starting point, consider which of your communities you have most engaged with. How have you done so and what results did you have?

The Columbia Community Essay Prompt is another of our college community essay examples. It is a cultural diversity essay, as well. Here is the prompt: 

Columbia Community Essay Prompt: A Cultural Diversity Essay

A hallmark of the columbia experience is being able to learn and thrive in an equitable and inclusive community with a wide range of perspectives. tell us about an aspect of your own perspective, viewpoint or lived experience that is important to you, and describe how it has shaped the way you would learn from and contribute to columbia’s diverse and collaborative community. (150 words or fewer).

While this prompt is similar to Princeton’s, it also references perspectives and viewpoints. In doing so, the prompt opens you up to share opinions or values that are important to you. You might consider highlighting values in your family or community that you either hold close or disagree with. 

Note that Columbia also highlights the word “collaborative” in this prompt. This indicates that your cultural diversity essay should also show how you collaborate with others.

Which schools require a community essay?

In addition to Princeton and Columbia, many other schools have community essays as part of their college application requirements. Here are some other examples of community essay prompts:

In this UNC-Chapel Hill prompt , you must describe a specific example of how you made an impact on a community. The prompt reads:

The University of North Carolina – Chapel Hill: A Community Service Essay Prompt

Discuss one of your personal qualities and share a story, anecdote, or memory of how it helped you make a positive impact on a community. this could be your current community or another community you have engaged. (250-word limit).

In responding, be sure to highlight what community you are referencing, the specific impact you made, and what personal quality helped you do so.

This prompt from UMichigan is a describe a community you belong to essay example, as well as a cultural diversity essay:

The University of Michigan: Describe a Community You Belong to Essay Example

Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by (among other things) shared geography, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest, race, ideology, or intellectual heritage. choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it. (required for all applicants. 1,500 character limit.).

In addition to describing the community, make sure to share how you engage with it and what it has taught you. Remember that community is a broad term. So, for this prompt you can respond with any type of community in mind, whether physical or cultural. In contrast to the describe the community you live in essay, you do not have to be geographically close to the community you describe here.

Duke University: Cultural Diversity Essay Prompts

Duke offers students five supplemental prompts to choose from, of which they can reply to two. Of these supplemental prompts, four are examples of cultural diversity essays:

1. We believe a wide range of viewpoints, beliefs, and lived experiences are essential to maintaining Duke as a vibrant and meaningful living and learning community. Feel free to share with us anything in this context that might help us better understand you and what you might bring to our community.

2. we believe there is benefit in sharing or questioning our beliefs or values; who do you agree with on the big important things, or who do you have your most interesting disagreements with what are you agreeing or disagreeing about, 3. duke’s commitment to inclusion and belonging includes sexual orientation, gender identity, and gender expression. feel free to share with us more about how your identity in this context has meaning for you as an individual or as a member of a community., 4. we recognize that not fully “fitting in” a community or place can sometimes be difficult. duke values the effort, resilience, and independence that may require. feel free to share with us circumstances where something about you is different and how that’s influenced your experiences or identity..

Each of these prompts is a slightly different type of cultural diversity essay, from sharing a range of opinions to not fitting in within a community. Choose the essay prompts that most resonate with you. And share specific examples that bring your cultural diversity essay to life.

In this Yale University supplemental prompt , you must choose a community that you feel connected to and describe why it is meaningful. Here’s the prompt:

Yale University: Describe a Community You Belong to Essay Example

Reflect on your membership in a community to which you feel connected. why is this community meaningful to you you may define community however you like. (400-word limit).

When responding, be sure to highlight what you have learned or how you have grown from this community. In contrast to a describe the community you live in essay, this essay can be about any community, near or far, that resonates with you. Indeed, the prompt gives you plenty of leeway in what you consider community. 

When responding to the UC system prompts , you must choose four of the eight available personal insight questions. One of the PIQs is a community service essay prompt:

The University of California Personal Insight Question: A Community Service Prompt

What have you done to make your school or your community a better place, things to consider: think of community as a term that can encompass a group, team or a place like your high school, hometown or home. you can define community as you see fit, just make sure you talk about your role in that community. was there a problem that you wanted to fix in your community, why were you inspired to act what did you learn from your effort how did your actions benefit others, the wider community or both did you work alone or with others to initiate change in your community.

Similar to many of the other prompts, when answering this question, be sure to identify the specific impact you made on your community.

Now that we have looked at various examples of community essay prompts, we can explore community essay examples. Reading essay examples is a great way to get inspired to write your own college essays. 

In each of the highlighted college essays that worked, note what the author did expertly. Rather than trying to copy their responses, topics, or ideas, consider how you can apply those same skills to your writing. 

Princeton Community Essay Examples

In this section, we will highlight Princeton essay examples that respond to their two community essay prompts: a cultural diversity essay and a community service essay. 

The first of our Princeton essay examples responds to the following Princeton prompt: 

Princeton Essay Examples #1: Cultural Diversity Essay

Now, let’s take a look at a student’s response to this prompt focusing on lived experiences. 

Princeton Essay Examples #1 Student Response

I have spent most of my life living in a 41% minority town of 1.8 square miles called Highland Park, NJ. This typically overlooked town has introduced me to a diverse array of people, and it has been the main influence on my life experiences and core values.

In the face of distinct cultures and customs, we forge a single identity as Highland Parkers and come together to organize large community events. The most prevalent example is our highly touted annual Memorial Day parade, where we join together with neighboring New Brunswick to invite military service members, family members of our fallen war heroes, our legislative and congressional representatives, and our townspeople. Moreover, as our high school band’s vice president, I help organize and lead our ensemble into these performances with a positive and uplifting spirit. We communicate with the town government and arrange the performances every year to perform at the parade. The parade is an example of many of our large community events that serve as a unifying force for our diverse community, reminding us that we are fundamentally connected as one cohesive group, despite our differences. 

As someone deeply interested in historical and political matters, I am well aware of the consequences that arise from dictatorial protocols that limit the freedom of speech and diversity of voices. From my experiences debating in Model UN conferences, I have grown accustomed to being able to present viewpoints from both sides of the argument, and I have learned to incorporate and respect the viewpoints of all sides of an issue before making up my own mind. For example, in a Model Congress debate, I found myself advocating for the interests of a state heavily reliant on traditional fossil fuels. While researching and articulating that perspective, I gained insights into the economic challenges faced by the states that are reliant on these resources. This experience not only broadened my understanding of the complexities surrounding environmental policies but also highlighted the necessity of considering diverse viewpoints for comprehensive decision-making. 

My background and experiences have fostered in me a profound appreciation for the value of diversity, inclusivity, and the pursuit of knowledge. At Princeton University, I will seek to contribute as an active participant in the community, actively provide unique perspectives and insights, and respect and learn from others’ perspectives even if there are disagreements. I wish to partake in student government, which has like-minded peers who want to make a substantive impact, and also participate in service programs like the Civic Leadership Council. Also, I hope to increase my impact from the leadership positions I currently hold on the Red Cross club and teen mayoral advisory council using the platforms in Princeton. I look forward to making a positive impact on both the campus and the broader community. 

Why This Cultural Diversity Essay Worked

In the first of our Princeton essay examples, the student successfully responds to all parts of the Princeton prompt. They begin by describing their community and sharing some details about its makeup. Indeed, the first sentence hooks the reader–it is unique and compelling. 

Then, the student illustrates how they specifically contribute to their community each year by leading the high school band in the Memorial Day parade. They also highlight how their experience in Model UN shaped their appreciation for diverse perspectives. In sharing these two examples, the student demonstrates their leadership and open-minded thinking. Finally, the student ends by highlighting how they would use these values to contribute to Princeton’s community– by partaking in student government and Civic Leadership Council, among other activities.

In the second of our Princeton essay examples, the student responds to the second Princeton prompt which is: 

Princeton Essay Examples #2: A Community Service Essay

Princeton has a longstanding commitment to understanding our responsibility to society through service and civic engagement. how does your own story intersect with these ideals (250 words or fewer).

And, here is a student’s response:

Princeton Essay Examples #2 Student Response

My first experience with the Red Cross was when my older sister was desperately trying to recruit people to join the club during the harsh COVID year. Things were so bad for the club that I, as a freshman, ran for the position of treasurer unopposed. My first blood drive experience was marked by masks, social distancing, and low turnout among blood donors. Even many donors who showed up ended up being turned away due to health-related issues. Needless to say, it was not the greatest first high school service experience, and I admittedly started to doubt if the time I spent on this front was worth it. 

However, as we returned in person, things quickly turned around. As the vice president of the club, I helped recruit more than twice the club membership compared to the previous year, and our blood drives started to regain momentum; our blood targets have been exceeded every time since. Organizing and participating in blood drives has become a passion. It’s fulfilling, especially when I personally donate, to know that I’m actively serving the community and saving lives. I have realized that, despite my relatively young age, I am capable of making an impact through public service. I plan to continue my commitment to the Red Cross’s adult program and participate in service programs like Community Action at Princeton to serve the Princeton community and abroad.

Why This Essay Worked

In this admissions essay sample, we learn about a student’s volunteerism with the Red Cross as an example of civic engagement. This essay works for several reasons. First, it provides a specific example of the student’s civic engagement and demonstrates their impact by becoming vice president and increasing membership. Secondly, the essay provides an honest take on the struggles of this service experience, which lends credibility and authenticity to the story. 

The student also demonstrates an important lesson learned. This aligns with Princeton’s values– that students can have a positive impact on society. 

Columbia University Essay Examples

In this section, we will highlight Columbia essays examples that landed students admission to the prestigious Ivy League university. The first of our Columbia essays examples is written by the same student who responded to the first Princeton prompt above. Here’s a reminder of the Columbia prompt: 

As you read the example below, notice how the student edited their Princeton cultural diversity essay to meet the prompt and lower word count for Columbia:

I have spent most of my life living in a 41% minority town called Highland Park, NJ. This typically overlooked town has introduced me to a diverse array of people, and it has been the main influence on my life experiences and core values. 

HP has convinced me that we can build institutions that are strong and united while embracing a wide variety of voices and perspectives. It has shaped my core values of diversity and inclusion. An English teacher used to encourage me to talk in front of the class by saying even if I believed my thoughts were “dumb,” I could only enrich the conversation.

At Columbia University, I will seek to continue my contributions as an active participant in the community and look to actively provide unique perspectives and insights. Actively engaging in student groups such as ColumbiaVotes will be a big part of my experience. 

The Columbia essay prompt only allows for a 150-word response. This could pose a challenge for many students. What makes this essay among the Columbia essays examples that worked is how succinctly it completely answers the prompt. 

The response begins by hooking the reader with a relevant detail of the student’s community. Then, the student shares how this community shaped them by influencing their values of diversity and inclusion. Finally, the student shares how they would engage with a Columbia organization that also supports diverse viewpoints. Though short and sweet, this response clearly answers all parts of the Columbia prompt. 

More Community Essay Examples

The final of our community essay examples is a community service essay. Let’s look at how student framed their service experience:

“I don’t believe that’s the best way to do this.” 

The moment I thought this the first time I volunteered at my local soup kitchen was one that resulted in a drastic change. When I was informed of the way the food was being served to the public, the initial excitement that I had felt diminished. We were told that the plates would be served before anyone arrived and would remain in an area where people could pick it up and seat themselves. I felt that this method was impersonal and inconsiderate, and disappointment washed over me. 

I turned to the people that were around me and discovered that they shared the same disapproval I felt. When we agreed that a change must be made, we exchanged ideas on how to present this to the woman in charge of the program. I suggested that we should serve each person one-by-one, and only give them the food if they wanted to/could eat it. They suggested multiple ideas, including that we should offer to seat them, hold their plates for them, continue to check in on them, and dispose of their plates once they finish their meal. We believed that this way would genuinely make them feel better and would allow us to get to know some of them personally. A simple smile and conversation could be enough to improve their day. 

From this day on, the way in which the local soup kitchen serves our community has changed dramatically. This experience taught me the importance of speaking up for what you believe in. In a group setting, it is likely that there will be others who share the same end goal and are willing to contribute different ideas to achieve the goal. These different perspectives can allow you to see situations in ways that you previously hadn’t, and can result in better outcomes. It also showed me the importance of leadership.

If I had never spoken up about the way the food was being served, a change might have never happened. When you work in the group, the end goal may not be for the benefit of anyone in the group, but for others who are in need. This experience also showed me the beauty in doing good for others and making others happy, even through small things such as serving them food to their liking.

In this community service essay, the student shares their experience volunteering at a soup kitchen. Volunteering at a soup kitchen is not necessarily unique in the list of extracurricular activities for college applications. However, the student highlights several aspects of the experience that make it meaningful to them. 

To start, the student shares their experience challenging the way that food was served. The student suggested that food be served directly to attendees in order to better connect with community members. Through this experience, the student learns about leadership and working with others to achieve a common goal. This specific example demonstrates the student’s collaborative values and compassionate way of thinking, both of which are great attributes to highlight in college applications.

How To Write A Community Essay

As we saw in the community essay examples, there are several hallmarks of college essays that worked. To write a good community essay, whether it be a community service essay, a cultural diversity essay, or a describe the community you live in essay, you must start by understanding the prompt. Once you have carefully read through the prompt, brainstorm examples from your own life that relate to it. Sharing specific details and examples will make your response stronger and more unique. 

Additionally, showcase how you grew throughout your response. In each of the community essay examples we shared, the student discussed a skill or perspective they developed through their experiences. Finally, connect your response to the school you are applying to. If you are writing a cultural diversity essay, for example, demonstrate how you would contribute to the cultural diversity at that school, both inside the classroom and in your extracurricular activities for college.  

Topics To Avoid In Your Community Essay

When writing community essays, there is technically no topic that you cannot discuss. However, how you discuss certain topics is important. 

For example, in a community service essay, it is important to not come off as a savior of a community with less privilege than yourself. Similarly, if you are writing a describe the community you live in essay or a cultural diversity essay, you will want to avoid stereotyping any community. Speaking from your own personal experience as a member of a community is fine. However, generalizing your experience to the community at large can come across as insensitive to that community’s diversity. To avoid these pitfalls, have a variety of people read your community essay examples and look for these dynamics.

Additional Tips for Community Essays

We’ve highlighted the strengths in the community essay examples above. Now we will now share some more tips for making your community essays a strong part of your college applications:

Tips for Writing Community Essays

1. research the college.

When reviewing our college community essay examples, you will notice that students highlight specific clubs, programs, or groups on campus to which they will contribute. If you are specific, you demonstrate real interest in the school which adds strength to your college applications.

2. Tell a story

In each of the college essays that worked, students gave details that told a full story . This story incorporated where they come from and what they learned through their experiences. Rather than telling us who they were, the students used this particular story to show us.

As the college admissions landscape gets ever more competitive, students are sometimes tempted to read other students’ essays and copy ideas. Or, more recently, they may even want to use artificial intelligence to write their essays. However, AI and other students’ experiences won’t show admissions who you really are. Don’t worry about whether you have the best extracurricular activities for college or the most unique cultural diversity essay. Instead, talk about the experiences that truly matter to you. By being honest, you are more likely to come across as convincing and interesting. In each of our college community essay examples, students presented a true and well-thought-out response to the prompts.

Other CollegeAdvisor Essay Resources to Explore 

As you work on your college applications, you might be in search of additional resources. CollegeAdvisor has a wealth of webinars and articles that can help you navigate writing your essays. Here are a few:

More CollegeAdvisor Resources for Essays

1. short essay examples.

Some of the cultural diversity essays you may write will be short, meaning that they are 150 words or less. This article with short essay examples can help you understand how to write short and sweet cultural diversity essays.

2. Cultural Diversity Essay Examples

In this article , you will find additional examples of cultural diversity essays. Many community essays are also cultural diversity essays. As such, becoming familiar with how students write about their cultures is useful.

3. The Ultimate Guide to Supplemental Essays

In this webinar , CollegeAdvisor experts provide a rundown of how to write strong supplemental essays for your college applications. In particular, this webinar will help you decode essay prompts and make sure you answer each prompt fully.

4. Editing Your Supplemental Essays

Once you have read up on college community essay examples and written your cultural diversity essays, you might need help editing them. This webinar will provide tips for how to edit your supplemental essays effectively.

Community Essay Examples – Final Thoughts

Completing your college applications can be a daunting task, especially when you must write multiple essays. For some students, writing cultural diversity essays is challenging. These prompts ask you to dig deep and reflect upon your life influences.

In this guide to community essays, we provided an overview of what a community essay is and how to respond to the different types of community essay prompts. We shared cultural diversity essay examples and describe the community you live in essay examples. We also described what makes these essays strong and how they meet college application requirements. 

In short, the key to writing stand-out essays is to be authentic and thorough in your responses. If you need additional help writing your cultural diversity essay, seek out the support of a trusted resource like CollegeAdvisor. We are here to help you craft the best college applications that could gain you admissions to the school of your dreams!

This article was written by Courtney Ng. Looking for more admissions support? Click here to schedule a free meeting with one of our Admissions Specialists. During your meeting, our team will discuss your profile and help you find targeted ways to increase your admissions odds at top schools. We’ll also answer any questions and discuss how CollegeAdvisor.com can support you in the college application process.

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Home > Blog > Thesis Statement Essays Examples

Thesis Statement Essays Examples

• Smodin Editorial Team
• Updated: August 30, 2024
• General Guide About Content and Writing
• Step-by-Step Instructions for Writing

Writing an essay can seem challenging, but a solid thesis statement can make it easier. A thesis statement is a crucial part of any essay. It gives your reader a clear understanding of your main idea. The goal should be to deliver a strong, concise, yet compelling statement that immerses the reader in your writing. A strong thesis statement means a strong start to your essay !

We’ve developed this comprehensive guide to explore what makes a good thesis statement. We’ll discuss different thesis statement essay examples and show you steps on how to write a strong statement. Whether you’re writing a research paper, argumentative essay, or policy proposal, a solid thesis statement is key.

What Is a Thesis Statement?

To put it simply, a thesis statement summarizes your entire paper. It usually appears at the end of the first paragraph, known as the essay introduction. Your thesis should be specific, concise, and clear.

It should express one main idea and guide your writing. For example, if your paper explains climate change, your thesis might assert that “Climate change poses a significant threat to global ecosystems.”

How To Write a Thesis Statement: Example and What To Include

In this section, we include how to write a thesis statement with an example to help you out in the process. Below, we have listed some of the steps involved, while compiling a thesis statement.

Start With a Question

Every good thesis statement starts with a question. Think about what you want to explore or decide about your topic. For example, “Has the internet had a positive or negative impact on education?”

Write Your Initial Answer

After some research, write a simple, tentative answer to your question. This will guide your research and writing process. For example, “The internet has had a positive impact on education.”

Refine Your Thesis Statement

Your final thesis should ultimately tell the reader why you hold this position. You can elaborate and explain what they’ll learn from your essay and the key points of your argument.

For example, “The internet’s positive impact on education outweighs its negatives by providing easier access to information. Exposure to different perspectives and a flexible learning environment for students and teachers contributes to this”.

A Good Thesis Statement Example

A good thesis statement is concise, coherent, and contentious. It should clearly state your main idea and be backed up by specific evidence. Take a look at the following good thesis statement example:

“While many people believe climate change is a natural phenomenon, evidence shows that human activities significantly contribute to its acceleration.”

This statement is clear, concise, and debatable. It presents a strong position that can be supported with evidence.

Types of Thesis Statements

Your thesis should match the type of essay you’re writing. Here are some examples of different types of thesis statements.

Argumentative Thesis Statement

In an argumentative essay , your thesis should take a strong position.

For example:

“The government should implement stricter regulations on carbon emissions to combat climate change.”

An argumentative paper makes a clear, debatable claim that requires evidence and reasoning. This thesis presents a clear argument that will be supported with evidence throughout the essay.

Expository Thesis Statement

In an expository essay , your thesis should explain the facts of a topic or process.

“The invention of braille improved the lives of blind people by allowing them to read and write independently.”

This statement explains the impact of braille without taking a position.

Thesis Statement Essay Examples for Different Types of Papers

Let’s look at some thesis statement essay examples to understand how to craft one effectively.

Example 1: Argumentative Paper

Topic: The impact of surveillance on society

Thesis statement: “Although surveillance is often viewed negatively, its positive effects on public safety outweigh its downsides.”

This thesis presents a clear argument that will be supported with evidence throughout the essay.

Example 2: Expository Paper

Topic: The history of the internet

Thesis statement: “The internet revolutionized communication by allowing instant access to information and connecting people globally.”

This statement explains how the internet has changed communication without presenting an argument.

In both examples, the thesis statements are clear and concise, and provide a roadmap for the essay.

Example 3: Analytical Paper

Topic: The impact of social media on mental health

Thesis statement: “Social media influences mental health by increasing anxiety, promoting unrealistic body images, and enhancing social connections.”

An analytical thesis statement breaks down an idea into parts to examine and interpret. This example shows the impact of social media into specific components for detailed analysis. An analytical paper breaks complex subjects into components for detailed examination and analysis.

Characteristics of a Good Thesis Statement

An effective thesis statement is the backbone of a well-structured essay. Thesis statement examples help illustrate the differences between strong and weak thesis statements. Here are the essential characteristics of a good thesis statement.

Concise Summary

The best thesis statements should be brief and to the point. Avoid unnecessary words. For instance, instead of saying, “In this essay, I will discuss the reasons why climate change is a critical issue that needs urgent attention,” you can say, “Climate change demands urgent attention due to its severe impact on global ecosystems.” This keeps your thesis clear and focused.

The aim is to bring the statement to the concluding point as effectively as possible.

Specific Evidence

In academic writing, your thesis statement should be backed up by specific evidence. It should not just make a claim but also provide a hint of the evidence that supports it. For example, “Human activities, such as deforestation and fossil fuel consumption, significantly contribute to climate change,” indicates that the essay will discuss these specific activities.

A strong thesis statement clearly states your main idea. It should convey the central point of your essay in a way that is easy to understand. For example, “Renewable energy sources are essential for reducing carbon emissions and combating climate change,” clearly states the essay’s main idea.

3 Common Mistakes to Avoid

According to the Guardian , teachers are observing that students are continuously having issues with writing essays. This may be due to various reasons like a lack of foundational skills in writing or the likelihood of them making specific mistakes when compiling their essays and thesis statements.

Below we have listed some of the common errors students can make when writing a thesis statement for their paper.

1. Being Too Broad

A thesis statement that is too broad lacks focus and fails to provide a clear argument. For example: “Climate change is bad,” is too broad. Instead, narrow your focus to something more specific, like, “Climate change significantly impacts coastal cities by increasing the frequency of flooding.”

2. Not Getting Into Specifics

A vague thesis statement doesn’t give specific details, making it difficult for the reader to understand your argument. For example, “Climate change affects the environment,” is too vague. A more precise thesis would be, “Climate change accelerates the melting of polar ice caps, leading to rising sea levels.”

3. Just Stating a Fact

In a great research paper, a thesis statement that states a fact rather than an argument is not debatable. For example, “Climate change exists,” is a statement of fact and not arguable. A more debatable thesis would be, “Immediate action is required to mitigate climate change impacts on future generations.”

How To Strengthen a Weak Thesis Statement

If your thesis statement is weak, here is how you can strengthen it:

• Contextualize your topic: Understand the broader context of your topic. This helps in narrowing down the focus and making it more specific.
• Make it arguable: Ensure your thesis is something that can be debated. A strong thesis often takes a clear stance on an issue.
• Support with evidence: Be prepared to back up your thesis with specific evidence. This adds credibility and strength to your statement.

Example of a Weak Thesis

A weak thesis statement, such as “The internet is useful,” is too general and lacks specificity. It doesn’t provide any direction for the essay, leaving readers unclear about what the essay will address. A weak thesis statement:

• Lacks focus: The statement “The internet is useful” doesn’t specify how or why the internet is useful. This lack of focus can confuse readers and make it challenging to develop supporting arguments.
• Is not honing in on a specific topic: This thesis is overly broad, covering too many potential topics without honing in on a specific aspect.
• Doesn’t leave room for a debate: It doesn’t present a debatable claim. A strong thesis should make a claim that others might dispute, providing a basis for argumentation and discussion.

For instance, an essay based on the weak thesis “The internet is useful” could meander through various topics like online shopping, social media, and research, without a clear structure or argument. This makes it difficult for readers to grasp the main point or purpose of the essay.

Example of a Strong Thesis

A strong thesis statement, like “The internet is useful for education because it provides access to a wealth of information and resources,” is specific and provides a clear argument supported by evidence. It also indicates what the essay will discuss, which helps guide the reader.

Therefore, a strong thesis statement should:

• Have a clear focus: This thesis specifies that the essay will focus on the educational benefits of the internet. This clarity helps readers understand the essay’s purpose from the beginning.
• Be to the point: The thesis mentions “access to a wealth of information and resources.” So, it provides a specific angle on how the internet is useful, which helps to narrow the scope of the essay.
• Include a debatable claim: The statement makes a claim that could be argued. It posits that the internet is beneficial for education. But, it also implies that there are specific ways in which this is true. Thus, the statement opens the door for discussion and analysis.
• Guide the essay: This strong thesis provides a roadmap for the essay. It suggests that the following paragraphs will explore how the internet facilitates education through information access and resource availability.

Frequently Asked Questions

What is included in a thesis statement.

A thesis statement is a sentence that summarizes the main point of your essay. It usually appears at the end of the first paragraph.

Can a thesis statement be more than one sentence?

Ideally, a thesis statement should be one or two sentences long.

Where should I place my thesis statement?

Your thesis statement should be at the end of the first paragraph, known as the essay introduction.

Improve Your Thesis Statements With Smodin.io

A good thesis statement is the backbone of your essay. It guides your writing and tells your reader what to expect. By following the steps we’ve outlined in these examples, you can write a strong thesis statement.

Ready to improve your writing skills and create compelling essays? Enhance your writing with Smodin’s AI writing tool. Whether you’re writing a research paper or an argumentative essay, Smodin can help you craft a strong thesis statement. Join us now at Smodin.io and take your writing to the next level.

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