The essay topic is clearly communicated in the first paragraph and the main points are developed in separate paragraphs.
However, there are a couple of slips in the register (I guess they’ll figure out; pretty exhausting). The conclusion restates the candidate’s own opinion about which way is better, after giving some examples to support their view.
Organisational patterns are used to generally good effect. In the latter part of the essay, failure is discussed (in my opinion, failing is normal and necessary) and then the effects of failure on young people are explored. The idea of failing is repeated in the final paragraph (Failures are crucial) to support the candidate’s conclusion.
Some grammatical forms are used with control, such as present tenses and modals, but there are errors when more complex forms or expressions are attempted.
Many parents, struggle with bringing up their child into be responsible adults and are unsure how to influence them. There are of course, many ways of influencing young adults, and I want to present and discuss two of them: giving rules to obey and offering your children advice.
First of all, it has to be said that advice is easy to ignore, and that children especially in their adolescent years, don’t even want advice, and will tell you so, too: ‘I don’t need your help’, they will say to you or even shout at you. Kids often feel misunderstood they think their parents can’t understand them, because they are ‘too old’. If your son or daughter has a problem, it is important to make him or her feel that you do understand and only want their best and are, therefore, offering some advice, hoping it will help them.
Then again, there are rules. Rules can be placed differently, they don’t need to be a stone-hard barrier to your child’s freedom. Adolescents will often bend rules or utterly break them all because they need this certain feeling of rebellion and freedom. Rules also help the maturing of the conscience. If a child doesn’t need to follow rules, it’s conscience will never mature and it will not know wrong from right. If, however you place rules, and punishments should they not be followed, your son or daughter will learn not to steal, to be home on time simply because he or she doesn’t want to be punished. Don’t overdo it, though. Placing too hard punishments could also lead to destruction of the conscience your child never being able to make it’s own decisions.
I think that giving rules to obey is the best way of influencing young people. Wherever you go, you find certain rules. Not every rule is absolutely sensible, but while growing older, your child will learn by itself which rules should be followed and will follow them of free choice.
5 | All content is relevant and the target reader is fully informed. The candidate chooses two of the ways adults can influence younger people Negative aspects of both choices are described and this is balanced with a more positive aspect of each option. In the conclusion, the candidate offers their own opinion on which way is more effective and explains why. | |
| 4 | Essay-writing conventions are used effectively to communicate ideas clearly. The register is mostly consistent despite the candidate offering advice. Overall the language of explanation, opinion and justification is appropriate for this essay and holds the reader’s attention. There is a mix of straightforward and complex ideas running through the paragraphs. |
4 | The text is well organised and coherent, and the candidate makes good use of a variety of cohesive devices to show connections between ideas across sentences and paragraphs, including referencing, punctuation and conjunctions. More complex organisational patterns are used to generally good effect, particularly when presenting positive and negative aspects of one topic. | |
4 | There is a range of vocabulary, including less common lexis which is used effectively. There is a range of simple and more complex grammatical forms which are used with control and flexibility. There are occasional errors but these do not impede communication and are sometimes due to ambition or are slips. |
You have watched a documentary about what causes young people to start committing crimes. You have made the notes below.
Some opinions expressed in the documentary: |
The documentary investigated what makes young people commit crimes. It seems to me that the most important reason is lack of appropriate control by parents.
To put the blame for youth crime on parents may seem rather unfair, but a lot of the interviews and information in the documentary backed up this belief. There is more than one reason why many parents fail to control their children. Some parents believe that it is wrong to discipline children in any way, and think that children should be free to do whatever they want. Some parents are simply too lazy and selfish to control their children, preferring to let them behave badly so that they can continue doing what they want. Another reason is that some parents did not grow up being disciplined by their parents and so they do not do that with their own children.
Factors such as economic position and influence from peers can of course play a major role in causing young people to turn to crime. However, it is my view that how children am brought up is more important than either of those. They need firm rules to be given to them by parents who they respect, and if they are not given firm guidance by parents, some of them are bound to behave badly. Some of this bad behaviour will be criminal. If you do something wrong and you get away with it, you will do it again or do worse things.
Your class has attended a panel discussion on the subject of TV shows that feature members of the public, such as reality TV shows and talent competitions. You have made the notes below.
Some opinions expressed in the discussion: |
The discussion focused on various issues connected with TV shows that feature members of the public. They have been a worldwide phenomenon for some time and views on them vary greatly.
One of the main aspects of these shows is the entertainment they provide for viewers. Obviously, they would not be watched by so many people if audiences didn’t find them entertaining. During the discussion. It was said that the shows are enjoyable to watch and do no harm. People enjoy watching ordinary members of the public living their lives, doing their jobs or taking part In talent competitions because they can relate to those people. I think that this 15 true. Although I don’t personally find them interesting and therefore seldom watch them, I agree that many people find them very entertaining.
However, a morn serious aspect was discussed and that Is the Influence these shows can have on people. especially young people. This, I think, Is the most Important aspect. Many young people are Influenced by these shows and the people on then They too want to appear on TV, to be ‘famousjust like the people they see. Rather than thinking realistically about their futures and about getting jobs and careers. they get the Impression that anyone can be famous. Instead of focusing on building a life in a practical way, they dream of being like those people on the shows. I think this 15 the most important consequence of these shows and It is a harmful one.
Your class has attended a panel discussion on facilities that should receive money from local authorities. You have made the notes below:
Some opinions expressed in the discussion: |
Facilities in need of funds
Having listened to today’s radio programme about facilities that need financial help, I realised that sports centers and public gardens have been neglected over the years by the local authorities.
There are few sports centers out there that meet the right characteristics that a good sports center must have. This is one of the many reasons that people avoid sport. We see lots of kids nowadays suffering from obesity and other health problems caused by the simple fact that they don’t do sport.
Another reason for this is that people have nowhere to go out for a walk or to run in a nice place. Public gardens, parks for example are also lacking in numbers. The ones that are already there are not very nice and they don’t look very good. I think that by improving this two facilities the population can benefit from this. By creating more sports centers, there will be some more jobs offered, and some kids might even follow a sports career. By making more public gardens people can get out more often and spend some good quality time relaxing.
I think that local authorities should invest money in both facilities because, this is a good way to increase the populations health.
3 | All content is relevant to the task and the target reader is on the whole informed. The candidate has not made a final selection between the two facilities. | |
| 4 | The conventions of essay writing are evident and the target reader’s attention is held throughout. The opening statement sets up the context of the essay, and the candidate chooses two of the facilities to discuss (parks and sports centres). The candidate links these two aspects throughout the essay, and this linking is effective in communicating more complex ideas which relate to both facilities. A consistent register is used, and the overall tone is suitably persuasive and objective. |
4 | The text is well organised and coherent. Fairly subtle organisational patterns and cohesive devices are used, rather than overt linking words: for example, relative clauses/pronouns, substitution and ellipsis. Some sentences are quite short and could have been connected to make the text more fluid at times. | |
3 | There is a range of vocabulary and some less common lexis, which is collocated appropriately. There is also a range of simple and more complex grammatical structures used |
In regard of a recent discussion about the facilities, which are financially supported by local authorities, I would like to write a few of my personal thoughts. Whether we are talking about sports centres or public gardens, there is no doubt that they are both a good thing to have in the city and should both be supported somehow. The only question then is which one of these is more important, what are the pros and cons of each one?
Let me start with the sport centres as I think these are a bit more problematic. Obviously, in our times where lots of people spend days sitting in their office staring at a computer, some sort of physical training is very important. We have to balance that shift in our lifestyles. The problem I see with supporting the sports centres is the number of activities that you can do at these days. There is almost countless list of either individual or team sports that we can think of, and each centre is usually designed for a specific type or at least a group of sports similar in its nature. Therefore I think that it is too difficult to support them equally and we can’t say which activity is better than the others either. Another reason for not financing sports as much as green parks is their commercial use. What I mean by that is that we usually pay for everything the centre offers us to do and therefore they are more able to last from their own money than gardens.
Regarding of the green spaces, the situation is much clearer I think. Every city needs gardens where people can sit and relax, but nobody is going to pay a tax for just walking around.
These factors lead me to my conclusion, that the public gardens are definitely a facility which should be financed from public money, whereas in the case of sports centres, the situation is questionable.
5 | All content is relevant to the task and the target reader would be fully informed. The candidate discusses two of the options (sports centres and green spaces). | |
| 4 | The conventions of the communicative task are used effectively, holding the target reader’s attention with ease. The register and tone are consistent and the language choices are sufficiently formal and appropriate throughout, particularly the opening and closing paragraphs. |
4 | The essay is well organised and coherent, and the different ideas are clearly signposted throughout. The target reader can easily follow the argument. The paragraphs are internally well constructed and are linked together appropriately. In terms of organisational patterns, the overall effect is generally good, rather than good throughout, due to the imbalance of length between the second and third paragraphs. | |
4 | A range of vocabulary, including less common lexis, is used effectively, although not always precisely. A wide range of simple and complex grammatical forms is used with control and flexibility, particularly in terms of sentence construction. Although there are occasional errors, these are often slips and do not impede communication. |
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Here's how to write a good introduction paragraph. 1. Hook the reader. The essay's opening sentence sets the tone for the entire piece; it should intrigue the readers and pull them in. Begin with a hook that will grab the reader's attention, hold their interest and make them want to read the rest of your work.
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In a technology essay, introduction, main body, and conclusion are the three core parts. To see how other people structure their work, browse examples of technology papers online. In particular, note how they used the first sentence to draw the readers' attention - this might help you with technology essay hooks. ... Below is the Advanced ...
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This is a vital step because it will affect the style in your essay. If you choose, for example, to write an argumentative essay, then your essay will argue out the main point established in your ...
Step 1: Hook your reader. Step 2: Give background information. Step 3: Present your thesis statement. Step 4: Map your essay's structure. Step 5: Check and revise. More examples of essay introductions. Other interesting articles. Frequently asked questions about the essay introduction.
Here are the key takeaways for how to write essay introduction: 3. Hook the Reader: Start with an engaging hook to grab the reader's attention. This could be a compelling question, a surprising fact, a relevant quote, or an anecdote. Provide Background: Give a brief overview of the topic, setting the context and stage for the discussion.
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Technology is all around us and part of our daily lives. We use a variety of technology from cell phones, computers, smart TVs, radio, etc, and in various fields such as healthcare, education, and productivity. Technology has transitioned from 1 year ago to even 5 years ago with advancement from 2G which launched in 1991 to 5G in 2019. WIth the ...
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The essay has a neutral tone and uses appropriate phrases to introduce and connect ideas through the text (On theone hand; On the other hand; In my opinion). The essay topic is clearly communicated in the first paragraph and the main points are developed in separate paragraphs.