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20 Hilarious Assignments Kids Have Turned in to Their Teachers

Too bad students aren't graded on hilarity.

Growing up, homework was probably not your idea of a good time. But now that you're years removed from take-home questionnaires, you may be able to crack a smile or two at the process—especially if you take a gander at the jokes kids are slipping into their assignments these days.

Whether it's a lazy case of bad math, a comically dark family portrait, or a too-literal interpretation of the assignment (see above…and below), some students just really know how to tickle our funny bones. And although these kids are certainly losing marks for such snarky answers, to be entirely honest, we find their, uh,  creative logical approach to be more educational than the real curriculum. Read on for a kick. And if you want even more kid-fueled laughs, check out 50 Funny Kid Photos That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud.

1 Tornado Safety

Whoever made the worksheet deserves a little of the blame for this one, because circling a tornado is definitely the most dangerous thing you could do. And if you're wondering what misinformation you picked up as a kid, discover 25 Life Lessons You Learned as a Kid That Are Wildly Outdated Today .

2 Family Portrait

The assignment was to write a sentence about a family member and draw a picture to accompany it, so this is spot on. There's just something in the mom's eyes, though…. Maybe she's just jazzed about the 80 Amazing Benefits of Wine!

3 Happy Easter

Buying a mansion and filling it with bacon is an honestly pretty reasonable plan for $100,000,000. And if you like a kid with a sense of humor, check out 50 Jokes From Children That Are Crazy Funny .

4 True Patriotism

How much time has this kid spent thinking about cooking an eagle that this is the first thing they come up with?

5 Grim Outlook

Some might correctly say this child's drawing of their future self in a coffin underground is morbid, but it is also very accurate. And if you admire this kid's holistic perspective, learn 15 Ways to Teach Your Children to Be More Mindful .

6 Alternative Biology

Drawing a plant in jail is a creative way to get around not remembering what cytoplasm is. And for more hilarity, check out 50 Puns So Bad They're Actually Funny .

7 Tough Love

If this is their response to injuries, this kid's got a bright future as a salty high school junior varsity coach.

8 Copy and Paste Job

To be fair, if this assignment were on a computer instead of a piece of paper, these keyboard shortcuts would have actually worked.

9 Going Places

This kid's not afraid to take help wherever they can get it.

10 Lofty Goals

If this kid accomplishes more than one of these goals in third grade, they have done an exceptional job.

11 Harsh Burn

In case you were wondering, here is confirmation that the "yo mama" joke is still alive and well with the kids today. To keep up, master the 50 Best "Yo Mama" Jokes Of All Time .

12 Honest Answer

What this kid lacks in remainders, they more than make up for with complete honesty.

13 Big Dreams

This kid's dreams take a heroically large leap.

14 Opinions Vary

Historically, this has not been true. But props for a creative answer!

15 Hard Questions

This is an interview between a girl and her (apparently very unamused) cat.

16 Not Entirely Wrong

You'd really have to meet Ray's cats to say for sure if they were odd or not is the only thing.

17 Technically Correct

This is indeed the past tense… if you take it way back to 1868, when Edo was renamed Tokyo.

18 Naming Conventions

It's no obtuse, acute, and right, but Sally, Bob, and Olivia are pretty good names for these angles.

19 Cantaloupe Cannibal

Hopefully this is just an assumption, and this kid isn't going around eating brains.

20 Literal Interpretation

If a picture is worth a thousand words, than this kid just wrote a brilliant essay. And if you'd like some humor from the other side of the age spectrum, check out 50 Dad Jokes So Bad They're Actually Hilarious .

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'A guy wrote "Superman" as his answer on all 10 questions': 30 Ridiculous school assignments that students actually turned in

These teachers were baffled by the papers they received from their students. 

A lot of kids really don't want to go to school. They don't want to wake up at the crack of dawn, don't want to sit still in class all day, and they certainly aren't keen to work on homework. Luckily, there are plenty of brilliant teachers who can motivate their students to want to be there. Some teachers try to make their lessons modern by implementing movies, while others can make any lesson interesting with their exceptional story-telling skills. 

There will always be students whom the teachers can't reach, though. They really don't care about homework or grades at all. Especially if parents don't make an effort to get their kiddo to look away from his phone and work on that history essay, that assignment may not get done. 

The teachers of Reddit shared what happened when their laziest students turned in their essays . While a lot of them were just formed from unabashed plagiarism, others got creative in order to do the least amount of work possible. You can check out all of the great stories below. 

Next, check out the foods people will absolutely never eat again , like one person who regretted ordering the "mackerel sushi… in a Midwest strip mall.'

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Follow The Laughs

15 of the most hilarious homework answers given by smart-ass students

It's a truth universally acknowledged by all current and former students that homework sucks. A lot.

After a long, grueling day of school, most kids have negative levels motivation left to do even more work. It's definitely not encouraging to hear that it may not even make us any smarter .

But some homework answers do show that students can get pretty clever — either out of laziness, misunderstanding, or just a great sense of humor. If you can't get your teacher to give you an A, you can try and eke out some points on a technicality. Or make them laugh.

Here are the best answers that, at the very least, get points for creativity.

1. I mean, same.

2. he loved it before it was cool.

Tweet may have been deleted

3. The academic equivalent of "talk to the hand."

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4. Are we humans, or are we wine moms?

5. he's not technically wrong., 6. ooh, sick burn., 7. all women are queens, so jot that down., 8. at least now we know who let the dogs out., 9. yeah get dunked on, tom, 10. why do teachers even bother asking these questions anyways, 11. i'd give him points for boldness., 12. well, i thought it was a nice name., 13. clever, and culturally relevant, 14. maybe not everyone ., 15. would it have counted if she traced her hand.

Everyone gets an A+ for effort.

Sage is the newest Culture writer on the block at Mashable NYC. They recently graduated from Sarah Lawrence College, and have previously worked for The Dr. Oz Show, NorthSouth Productions, and on Netflix's 'The OA Part II'. Off the clock, they can be found testing out cupcake recipes, collecting dolls, and watching Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure for the millionth time.

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53 hilarious homework answers from kids that are so wrong, they’re right.

by Megan Zander

Megan Zander

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Since the dawn of time, kids have hated homework. And can you blame them? It’s a total drag — but there are ways to keep things interesting.

Case in point: These hilarious homework answers. Whether the kids who completed these assignments are dead serious or just pulling their teacher’s leg, we can’t help but applaud their efforts.

Originally published June 2016. Updated June 2017.  

Technically correct

But really, they were just following the directions very, very closely.

Girl code is sacred

This child is a genius, and so is her mother.

A for effort

Even this sad stick figure knows this isn’t the best answer.

This kid clearly loved ‘The Lion King’

With such a clear setup, it’s kind of hard to resist this one… 

Animal lover

This student is 100 percent correct.

Captain obvious

If you’re going to try a cheeky answer, at least make sure you spell it correctly.

Stickler for details

Probably safe to assume this student will not end up being the teacher’s pet.

True or false

What takes longer, studying for the exam or practicing how to write “fruse”?

Math can solve anything

Short, sweet and sadly wrong.

Not very nice

Going to go out on a limb and assume this student isn’t in the marching band.

Environmentalist in the making

Give the kid an A for knowing at such a young age what so many adults can’t seem to comprehend. 

Funny, but wrong

If they can’t hack college, they’ve got a bright future as a stand-up comedian. 

The fierce female form

Failed the biology exam, nailed the tiger drawing.

Easier to spot than Waldo

All the single ladies

You just know that after she graded this paper that teacher had this song stuck in her head for the rest of the night.

Good book, bad answer

Great book, bad answer.

The metric system is tough

If only conversions really were this simple.

Now add the head bob

Haddaway approves.

When less isn’t more

It’s not technically wrong, but it sure isn’t correct either.

An expansive answer

Peter’s math teacher may not find it funny, but his philosophy teacher would likely approve.

This kid’s a survivor

If the zombies ever attack, this is the kid you want on your team.

Confidence is key

It may not be the answer the teacher was looking for , but that doesn’t mean it’s not true.

A hobbit-approved answer

Gollum would probably find this answer to be precious.

Be right back, putting Tedison and Cate on the list of potential baby names.

Minor clarification

Snow shovels are the new controversial topic.

Getting punny

A sad day for the birds of science community.

You didn’t specify which anagram

I’ll explain it when you’re older.

Literary critic in the making

It’s great to see a professional’s thought processes.

An etiquette lesson

Rumor has it, they also don’t poop or burp.

Drawing isn’t for everyone

A blob is whatever you want it to be.

A blast from the past

It doesn’t get more accurate than this.

The lesser known President Lincoln

Four score and seven years ago, our fathers invented sliced deli meat.

Celebrity guest appearance

Kids know the darndest things.

The loose change debate

You can’t blame her for not wanting to carry around pennies in this day and age.

School electives

What happened to taking home ec?

Slight spelling mistake

One letter can really change a word.

Sunday school blunder

The history books depict it a little differently.

Celebrity gossip

But he hides it so well!

Getting philosophical

The film industry begs to differ.

Homework wars

It’s impossible to avoid spoilers these days…

A little too creative

Weird questions deserve weird answers.

Angry confusion

Bubble letters don’t cushion the blow.

Homework reveals a lot

Dad probably won’t be putting this one on the fridge.

Learning more about the public school system

And Mrs. Edwards, too.

A+ imagination, D- following directions

With little studying comes great banana car.

The dark side of recess

Some children have different dreams.

Empty commands

Now if you had said brother…

The shape naming game

One-upping the teacher

Sometimes, answers are better left unsaid.

Freudian slip

Compliments to the president

This “Letter to Elected Official” assignment says it all: About your war against terrorism? I like what you did there.

Spelling bee fail

Apparently, there was more than one “correct” answer.

Best answer ever

By referencing the Wounded Warrior Project  the student just became the teacher.

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18 Funny Homework Answers from Kids Who Are Going Places

These snarky students are smart alecks at heart

• Holiday Humor

When you're a  student , homework is an unavoidable fact of life. Kids these days often face hours of homework assignments each week—it's no wonder that some of their answers turn out a little snarky. 

Lucky for us, the funniest homework answers often end up on the Internet, courtesy of amused parents or teachers . Some of these students are being deliberately funny; others may very well be trying ( and failing ) to find the right answer. We think every single one of them deserves a place in the  Smart Aleck Hall of Fame .

Extra Credit for the Snazzy Drawing

"Show your thinking?" 

Challenge accepted!

"What do you need to find?"

"The answer."

Thank you, Captain Obvious. That's really helpful .

Just Following the Directions

The assignment said to write "< or >" so that's exactly what this student did. What's the problem here?

You know what they say — never trust a fart. 

For those who may not know, "shart" is slang for what happens when you do trust a fart. Use your imagination.

That's Just Your Opinion

Some say Tony is disciplined and loves music. Others say Tony is probably a huge nerd. No shame in that game, Tony!

Seems Legit

Why do we know anything , Sharon? Because we're SMART!

Somebody give this kid a scholarship.

Don't Be Silly, Kid

Pssh. "Tedison" is not even a real name... but we totally wish it was.

Failing Biology and Acing Zoology

Sure, this student doesn't know the difference between an ovary and a fallopian tube, but check out that kick-butt tiger face! Points for creativity?

Find X? No problem, there it is. It was right there all along! How did you miss that, Teach?

The Metric System Is Confusing

We can partially blame the American system of measurement for this one, but this student also gets bonus points for the sheer genius of the  utterly sarcastic remark. 

So Wrong, Yet So Right

Again, this answer isn't even wrong. It's technically totally, 100% correct! Maybe the teacher needs to rethink those test questions.

(Nah, not really.)

"April Ham Lincoln."

Remember what the great former president April Ham Lincoln once said: "Four scones and seven beers ago."

Wait, that's not right. Or is it?

An Example of Being Too Honest

This sounds like something out of "Breaking Bad." We really, REALLY hope this is a little kid spelling error situation.

She Must Work at the School in #13

Some teachers will go above and beyond to bond with their students, but this is ridiculous. Get your act together, Mrs. Edwards!

I See How It Is at Your House...

This is an actual quote from a first grade student. How did the teacher not die laughing?!

Comedian Chris Rock once famously said, "As a father, you have only one job to do: Keep your daughter off the pole!"

Clearly, this kid's family has some work to do in that department.

Hold Up There, Buddy

From "I like to play football" to "I am a god" in just a few short sentences. That's quite a leap!

Tell the truth: this is Tom Brady 's homework from 30 years ago, isn't it?

That's Extremely Literal

The difference between six and eight IS that eight is more curly. That's not silly – it's just accurate.

Okay, so I never did that well in math class either. Sue me.

She Deserves Extra Credit

We'll end on a positive note. This student followed directions to the letter and did exactly what she was told to do:

"Write a story to go with this picture. Use capitals and punctuation."

She not only created a funny story about this really, really weird picture of a cat overseeing a pile of hot dogs, but she also used CAPITALS and lots of exclamation points. Who cares what the teacher thought — this kid deserves an A+!

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15 hilarious homework excuses, homework excuses you may have heard before.

Students will tell you just about anything to get out of trouble for not having their homework. This situation can be fodder to some great teacher stories as students can come up with the most hilarious homework excuses. Have you ever had students come up with homework excuses like these?

1. It just slipped out of my hands and blew away. That’s why I am late. I ran after it. Oops, the wind was so strong that I just couldn’t help it. *Sad face*

2. I was not able to hold the pencil because my finger hurt. You realize how difficult it is to hold a pencil when your finger hurts “really,” “really” bad?

3. I let somebody take it and did not get it back. That little bugger told me he was in urgent need of my homework copy, and I fell in the trap. *Grim face*

4. My dad wasn’t well, and my mom wasn’t home. Oh so common reason. But it works every time, doesn’t it?

5. You told us to do all the questions. Were we supposed to bring them too? I did them as you said but I did them on my rough copy at home. I did not know that I was supposed to bring it too. I will bring that tomorrow, ma’am! I have already done it. *Sincere mode on*

6. I left it in my shirt, and my mother washed it. And I had a fight with my mother. I didn’t do anything wrong. Trust me, I did the homework. *Poor face*

7. My dad accidentally put it in his office bag and took it to work. My dad is always in a hurry like that.

8. My younger sibling ripped it apart. That stupid brother does not understand the difference between food and papers. He chewed my homework. *Angry face*

9. We had an electricity cut off in our house, and I had to ignite it to get enough light to see the fuse box. It was such a sad day for me. I put so much hard work doing it. *Helpless face*

10. I got soap in my eyes, and it blinded me for the rest of the night. I have a good habit of bathing every day after school, and it cost me my homework. Seems like good habits ain’t that good.

11. I got a solar powered calculator, and the weather was cloudy. Advanced math without a calculator? No way.

12. I left my homework on your desk before you came but it’s just not here. I had handwritten it, took me ages!” Somebody must have stolen it. *Clueless face*

13. I left my homework on the table and my angry dog got hold of it. Rest is history. Angry dogs are dangerous, I tell you. I couldn’t try to pacify him.

14. My father went through a nervous breakdown, and he used the pages of my assignment to make paper boats. I wonder how he behaved. Like a kid, you know! I was, in fact, not coming today but mom forced me to stay out of dad's way or else he would tear all my books!

15. I tried so hard to understand the chapter but I couldn’t. Can you please explain it to me again, ma’am? I will give it another try. I am such a sincere boy; I just can’t leave my homework undone. I will definitely do it once I understand it.

Have some more interesting excuses you have heard of?

Or perhaps you invented them!

Share with us in the comments below and let the laughter begin!

About the Author: Aditya Singhal is the co-founder of Transtutors.com a leading online tutoring assistance program for college students. Having graduated from the prestigious Indian Institute of Technology (IIT), he worked briefly with the American consulting firm, Kurt Salmon Associates before taking the entrepreneurial route. Outside of the work arena, Aditya has a personal interest in helping MBA students. He is also actively involved in giving back to the society by contributing a part of the revenue towards education of poor students.

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35 Most Ridiculous Excuses Teachers Have Heard from Students This Year

by Rachael Moshman

“The dog ate my homework” is old news. We asked actual teachers for the worst/best excuses they’ve heard from students this school year.

Weird happenings:

Most teachers agree the best excuses (or worst?) are often the most bizarre.

• “Marker accidentally got all over my camera, so that’s why you can’t see on my screen.”
• “My math book caught on fire.”
• “This email is to inform you that I didn’t do my homework and can’t log on to class because I have no Wi-Fi.”
• “There’s a hair in my belly button and I won’t be able to concentrate until I get it out.”
• “We just found out a homeless man is living in our basement and keeps unplugging the Wi-Fi right when it’s time for Zoom school!”
• “I went fishing and was chased by a shark, so I didn’t have time to do my assignment.”
• “A squirrel stole my reading log.”
• “I don’t know how to take a picture with my phone.”
• “I’m still learning how to use my superpowers and accidentally burned my computer with my laser beam vision so all my assignments will be late.”
• “I left my backpack outside and our new goats ate all of my books and assignments.”

Family matters

School may be the student’s responsibility, but that doesn’t stop them from spreading the blame! Here are some of the best excuses involving mom, dad, grandma, siblings,…and even spouses!

• “My mom forgot to pray for me this morning, so that’s why I’m not following directions.”
• “The app on my mom’s phone glitched and she couldn’t find the actual key to start her car.”
• “My husband will do the work for me.” – Kindergartener
• “I wasn’t able to do my homework last night because my grandma needed the computer to chat with her boyfriend.”
• “Sorry I’m late. It was my turn to walk the horses and it took longer than I expected.”
• “I was busy helping my aunt make a Tinder profile.”
• “I’m grounded, so I couldn’t do my homework.”
• “My dad said we need to cut our budget, so I’m going to cut down on school.”
• “My little sister peed on my Chromebook.”

Hamster problems

Hamsters seem to be the new problem pet.

• “My hamster is missing.”
• “The hamster jumped out the window!”
• “My dog ate my hamster.”
• “I couldn’t log on because my hamster pooped on my keyboard and now my Chromebook isn’t working.”
• “My hamster chewed through my power cord.”

Mysterious ailments

Some of the worst/best excuses are when kids diagnose their own medical conditions

• “I need to be excused from the test because my menopause is making it hard to concentrate today” – 4th grade boy
• “My gout is really acting up so I wasn’t able to do the homework last night.”
• “I sprained my ankle, so I can’t come to Zoom class.”
• “My grandma says I have come down with a serious case of sass mouth. I think I’m too sick to work today.”
• “I got a flu shot last week and my arm hurts too much to write.”
• “I’m only nine. That’s way too young for homework.”

The truth of the matter

No, they didn’t do the work, but at least they were honest, right?

• “I got distracted looking at pictures of dogs.”
• “I’m not prepared for this assessment because I didn’t do the virtual lessons.”
• “I lost track of time watching TikToks and didn’t do my assignment.”

Keeping it short and simple

Because it’s hard constantly thinking up the best excuses…

• “No, thank you.”

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18 Teachers Shared The Most Ridiculous Excuse A Student Has Used To Get Out Of Homework, And Y'all Tried It

"My student said his grandmother stole his textbook in retaliation for him stealing her wooden leg."

BuzzFeed Staff

Let's face it — teachers hear their share of wild excuses from students who didn't complete their assignments.

Well, reddit user u/xplosion101 asked teachers to share the most ridiculous excuse a student has used for not turning in their homework, and i laughed, i cried, i shook my damn head:, 1. "my high school student claimed he couldn't do his homework because his grandmother wouldn't give him back his textbook...which she had taken in retaliation for his theft of her wooden leg.".

— TrufflesDuVall

2. "One of my classmates said their dog ate their homework. The homework was online ."

— Cap_Ultimate

3. "My student's excuse was that his pet parrot flew into the fireplace and caught on fire. Then the parrot proceeded to fly around the sitting room with the dad chasing it trying to hit it with a frying pan because he was afraid the curtains would go up in flames if the parrot got too close to them..."

"The dad finally hit it and then threw the flaming bird under the faucet, and in all the drama, the kid had forgotten to do his homework. Of course, I let him off the hook — it was the most creative story he'd come up with all year!"

— geoffraffe

4. "My cat ate my laptop."

— SmilingPoopie

5. "A student once told me that he decided not to do his homework because the Mayans had predicted that the world was going to end, and he figured he couldn't get in trouble if the world ended."

— Michelle513

6. "I had a student in my online class tell me his grandma died twice. Yes, some people have two grandmothers die, but he actually pasted the same exact story in an email twice, the first time saying that his grandmother had been sick with cancer and 'this week, she finally succumbed to the disease...'"

"I told him I was so sorry and that he could have extra time on the assignment. But then when it came time for the final paper to be due, that dude sent me THE SAME CUT AND PASTED EMAIL! When I got to the part where his grandma 'finally succumbed to the disease', I was like, 'wait a minute, I've read this before!' Made me wonder how many classes this kid had done this in."

— Ask_me_4_a_story

7. "One kid said he couldn't do his homework because his mom's blender was too loud."

— available-_-username

8. "One of my students told me their cat gave birth on their homework...then proceeded to share a picture of a whole litter of slimy kittens on a pile of sheets."

— Joelymolee

9. "I once heard, 'I cut off my thumb while trying to copy something I saw on the Cooking Channel.'"

"It wasn't a lie."

10. "Once, one of my 12th graders didn't bring in his paper. Rather than embarrass him, I took him outside to ask why. Well, he got shifty and said, 'You always say to be honest, right? So, umm...I lost my virginity last night and passed out at the girl's house — and I left my backpack there when her dad was chasing me out of the house this morning.'"

"I told him to just let me know when he got his stuff back, and we'd sort it out then."

— thedeafeningcolors

11. "My student told me five separate times that he lost his homework running from a dog that was chasing him on the way home."

— Longjumping_Highway7

12. "One of my students claimed he put his homework in a room in his house...and then forgot the room existed."

"It seemed like nonsense, but it turns out he had an operation to remove a tumor from his brain when he was 10, and one of the side effects was that for a short period, he could completely forget a room in his house. True story, confirmed by his mother and sister."

— ledgerdemaine

13. "One of my classmates told an elaborate story of how he couldn't do his homework because his dad was being deployed overseas the night before on short notice, so he had to help pack and all. His story was so good that he wasted 10 minutes of class and even got the teacher to say, 'Thank you to your father for his service.'"

"Well, towards the end of class, the kid got a call from the front office. His dad was there to pick him up for a doctor's appointment."

— Notyouraverage-joe

14. "Mine is the opposite — one of my teachers lost my graded homework, saying he left it in his shed and it got eaten by slugs. But he showed me the slug-eaten paper and gave me full marks for it!"

— kindsoberfullydressed

15. "One student told me they ran out of pencil ink."

— PossiblyTrueInfo

16. "One of my students told me he did his homework a week early in an old notebook, but then his dad sold all his stationery for petty cash, and he was so mad he didn't do it over to teach his dad a lesson."

"I couldn't help but laugh, then I called his dad and told him to get his kid a chess set because this guy could think."

— the_angshu_man

17. "I had given my music students a theory sheet to complete, and one of my trombone players said, 'My grandma stole my homework in Mexico and wouldn't give it back.' Turns out they were visiting his grandparents across the border and his grandmother wanted something of his to hang on the refrigerator, so she took his homework and put it up!"

"He protested, but she wouldn't relent, so he took a picture of it as proof he completed it, and I graded the sheet from the picture. The kid got an 'A.' I got a story."

— BlooooContra

And lastly, a true story that is so hilariously bizarre you'll totally understand why the teacher didn't believe the student:

18. "my son couldn't turn in his homework once because a duck flew into our kitchen, panicked, and landed on the kitchen table. but despite her panic, the duck spotted some rice krispies and started to eat them out of the bowl, splashing milk and cereal all over my son's homework before grabbing the homework page — which was covered in cereal — and flying off with it i don't think the teacher ever believed us.".

— suddenthing

What about you? Are you a teacher whose student came up with a wild, hilarious excuse to get out of an assignment? Tell us about it in the comments section, and you could be featured in an upcoming BuzzFeed Community post!

Some responses have been edited for length and clarity.

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100 Last-Day-of-School Activities Your Students Will Love!

Teachers Share the Most Outrageous Requests They’ve Received From Parents

Some of these might sound a little too familiar.

Most of the time, parents and teachers work as a team to help students. But from time to time, a parent’s request goes way beyond a teacher’s job description. Enjoy these stories from teachers about the most outrageous requests they’ve received from parents!

“I had a parent request that I come out to her child’s extracurricular event on a Friday night to fix his computer. I taught his Literature class!”—B.M.

Me and my ridiculous rules.

“I had a parent (and her son) refuse to sign my rules and expectations sheet at the beginning of the year because one of my expectations in class was that students are awake and attentive. She argued that her HIGH SCHOOL aged son should be able to nap whenever he feels the need to. LOL”—C.A.

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We wouldn’t want them to get dishpan hands.

“I was teaching home ec and a parent told me I was unreasonable to expect the students to wash the dishes they used…that was my job and he was going to report me to the Ministry of Education!”—S.I.

Your mission, should you choose to accept…

“A high school student was skipping classes and not turning in his work. His mother wanted us to follow him in the hall to his next class (“Follow him, but stay far enough away so he’s not embarrassed!”) and then make sure he went in to his next class (“But don’t confront him because he doesn’t like that!”) she also demanded that since he couldn’t keep track of his binder that his teachers should carry the binder to the next class for him. She also emailed and called the school throughout the day to check on him. It was horrible.”—EM

Links to higher ups?

“I had a principal tell our faculty to change the grades of kids cause there weren’t enough Bs or As in a cohort. He was quite powerful and had links to lots of higher ups so the union in that school wouldn’t touch him. In the next two years about 10 people left that faculty.”—L.S.

‘Cause yeah, that’s the hardest part of the job.

“One parent wanted keys to all of the tests and quizzes I gave my class to make sure I was grading correctly.”—R.S.

“A mother asked if her daughter could have an excused absence for the day because she had lost her virginity the night before.”—L.O.

Could you just go ahead and tell her it’s dinnertime?

“One parent called me because she was concerned about the hours her daughter was playing video games at home. She wanted me to talk to her [daughter] about how she should be working on her homework at home and not sitting in front of a screen.” — A.J.

We didn’t learn that in teacher college.

“A mom called me one time and asked why I hadn’t taught her kindergarten child how to get dressed. Because if I had taught him right, she said, he wouldn’t need so much of her help getting ready in the morning.” — P.F.

Just Google it.

“I had a parent who said kids should be able to use their smartphones on tests because ‘as grown ups, when we don’t know something, we Google it.’ He was also one of our admin.”  —W.F.

Is reading really necessary?

“I teach high school English. And to be clear, reading is an essential part of any high school English class. It’s often the only homework I assign, and often our classroom discussions and work are based on the assigned reading. But that didn’t stop one mother from scheduling a conference to ask if her daughter could skip the reading because she had signed up for too many after-school activities and didn’t have time to read.” — L.P.

You’re not getting paid to sit there and file your nails, teach.

“A parent emailed me once and told me she had heard that I had asked her six-year-old son to teach the other kids. She went on to explain that teaching wasn’t her son’s job, it was my job. And if I wanted to keep getting paid, I needed to start working for my paycheck.” — S.B.

Should I chew it for you, too?

“A fourth grader’s mother told our school secretary she needed to blow on her daughter’s soup at lunch in case it was too hot.” —R.W.W.

Everyone does it.

“I emailed a parent about her child name-calling another student as an ongoing issue. Parent wrote back and said that was a normal part of growing up. Every child does it.” —J.W.

Lower those expectations. 

“I had a parent tell me to stop praising her son for good work (when he did it!) because I was setting up ‘impossible demands’ for him to continue!” — C.R.

He’s going to go to college, teacher.

“A parent emailed and asked me to send her a text message every day with her son’s homework assignment (he’s in ninth grade) because he had a hard time keeping track of his assignments. In the same email, she also requested that her ‘very gifted’ son never work with a partner or in groups because her child was going to college and she wasn’t so sure about the other students.” — R.H.

Could you talk to him about dry shampoo as well?

“A mom called and asked me to teach her ninth grader about hygiene. She recommended a crash course on brushing teeth, using deodorant, and even table manners.” — V.H.

Math is definitely the saddest subject.

“I had a mom tell me that there was NO WAY I could teach math every day. Once or twice a week was already overwhelming for her son. Math makes him sad.” —C.S.A.

Shall I pick you up some milk from the grocery store, too?

“A parent called and asked if I would order a teacher’s edition of our math book for her. She was unable to order it from the publisher because she wasn’t a teacher. The best part? She calmly suggested that I order it with my credit card and she would pay me back.” — V.S.

But Disneyland is a learning experience.

“A mother called to let me know that she had to take her daughter out of school for a week because [they were] going on a trip. She wanted her sixth grade daughter to be able to write a paper about the trip instead of do the work that would be assigned in class. When I told her that [her daughter] had to follow our district’s curricular standards and complete the work that she missed, [the mother] threatened to sue me because I wasn’t making necessary adaptations for her daughter.”

If you have some biscuits lying around, those would be nice as well.

“I got a note from a mom telling me that her son had a sore throat. She asked if I could make him hot tea throughout the day. She sent in a fist full of tea bags in his bag. At the bottom of the note she told me that if I had any honey laying around, I should add that to the hot tea to soothe his throat more.” — M.B.

Oh, and definitely stay away from snakes.

“I had a mom call and ask me to ask her son (who was in the eighth grade at the time) to stop picking up frogs on his way home because they could be poisonous.” —J.W.

Remind her to flush, too! 

“A mom asked me last week if I would remind her daughter, a second grader, to wipe front to back really well each time she [went] to the bathroom during the day.” — S.H.

I said only  one apple a day.

“I was asked by a parent to follow her daughter around to make sure she didn’t eat too many apples. In writing.” —K.A.

He will be a CEO someday.

“After a struggling student of mine stood me up for three study sessions, his father called and asked to schedule a conference. When I arrived at the conference, the dad stood there in his business suit, glared, and told me he owned a $30 million company, his son would succeed in school, and that I would change the grade to 100 percent regardless of his previous scores.” — N.C.

She also likes sashimi.

“We were going on a full-day field trip, and one of my students came to school without a lunch. I called her mom to see if she could bring something to the school before we left. Her response? She asked me if I could just drive through and pick her [daughter] up some sushi on the way to the farm.” — L.B.

Could we just call it an open-hand test?

“I caught a student cheating on a test. His dad called that night and explained to me that it would be unfair for me to take points off of his grade for cheating because that would lower his grade .” — K.H.

There must be something in the water.

“A mom emailed me that her ninth grade son had a condition where if he got dehydrated, his brain stopped functioning, which explained his failing grades. Her solution? She wanted me to make sure he had a water bottle with him at all times and that he was drinking from it regularly.” — T.O.

Do you have one to add? Come and share in  our WeAreTeachers HELPLINE group  on Facebook.

Plus, check out  “Dear Helicopter Parents, Please Stop .” 

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Worst Assignment Ever

Should students be forced to share personal loss on a poster.

Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. In addition to our traditional advice, every Thursday we feature an assortment of teachers from across the country answering your education questions. Have a question for our teachers? Email [email protected] or post it in the Slate Parenting Facebook group .

This week’s Ask a Teacher panel: Carrie Bauer , middle and high school, New York Amy Scott, eighth grade, North Carolina Brandon Hersey, second grade, Washington Cassy Sarnell, preschool special education, New York

My daughter is a freshman in high school, and she recently got an assignment in life sciences that seems inappropriate. I’m wondering whether I should intervene with the teacher or leave it alone. The assignment is for the kids to identify someone in their family who died of cancer, and then students are supposed to research that kind of cancer. They’re supposed to create a poster presentation to display for the entire school.

The teacher also told them that the assignment requires them to use the story of their relative’s death as the “attention-grabbing” part of the poster and presentation. This means sharing details of how cancer affected their relative and how the person died. The goals of the project are to learn about cancer and to advocate for more research funding to fight cancer.

It seems inappropriate to me to ask kids to share memories (some very recent) of their relatives’ deaths with the entire school, and to grade them on how well they do it. My daughter told the teacher she thought this wasn’t a great assignment, especially since two classmates lost a close relative to cancer earlier in the school year and are still grieving. The teacher’s response was to tell the kids that the best way to do the assignment was to use a relative’s story but that she would permit the kids to use a celebrity’s story if they didn’t want to use a personal story. Given that my child has already attempted to resolve this herself, I’m wondering if I should step in or if my sense that this is inappropriate is off-base. Thanks.

—Wanting Some Boundaries

Dear Wanting,

Oh, LORD! I gasped aloud! The goals of this project are reasonable enough (although “learn about cancer” is such a broad objective that even a student teacher could see it needs refinement), but the execution is absurdly tone-deaf at best and cruel at worst. I guess I can sympathize with what I surmise is the teacher’s desire to make her curriculum feel visceral and relevant, but “Building Engagement by Retraumatizing Grieving Adolescents” is not a professional development workshop anyone is going to deliver on staff development day.

Normally, I’d advise you to start with the teacher, but as you said, your daughter has already advocated to the teacher once. My prediction is that going to her again won’t yield much of a result—I think she’ll likely say she has already accommodated the concern by offering the celebrity alternative. Technically, that’s true, but in my opinion, it’s not a great workaround when the overall project has such clear potential to be hurtful. In this case, I might start by emailing the guidance counselor and cc-ing the principal. If your daughter has a copy of the directions for the project, I’d quote the language directly from that, then spell out your concerns as clearly and neutrally as you have here. I wouldn’t frame the issue around the two classmates who have suffered a loss; because you aren’t their parent, it’s a bit of an overstep to advocate on their behalf. You can just as compellingly express that the general task seems insensitive and ill-considered. I certainly hope they’ll press the teacher to adjust the assignment. (Also, I have so many lingering questions! Has the teacher ever assigned this project before? If so, how is it possible that no one has complained previously?! Please feel free to write back and give me the full run-down and an update!) Good luck.

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My kiddo is a very bright third grader who loves to read. If the book involves unicorns or rainbows, she will not stop talking! Getting her to put those ideas in writing is a different struggle, however. It often results in tears, tantrums, and, yesterday, torn assignment pages. I’ve thought about asking my child’s teacher for strategies to encourage her to put her thoughts together coherently. What do you think of that? Is there anything else I could do at home to help reinforce the concepts of, say, expository writing and narrative writing? I don’t need her to be doing five-paragraph essays or anything, but I do want to help coach her through these tantrums.

—Turn a Reader Into a Writer?

Dear TRIW ,

Your letter is music to an English teacher’s ears! Any time I hear a student loves to read, I bloom.

Frankly, I don’t think you should worry too much about the other part right now. Generating ideas is a huge part of writing, and from what you’ve said, she’s got that part down. While it’s true that many third graders can physically write stories, letters, and reports, for others it takes longer, and the best thing you can do is not push too hard .

Let me draw a parallel. I’m a member of several online parent groups, and at least once a week, a parent will post: How should I potty-train my 20-month-old? The seasoned parents will reply, practically in chorus: don’t. Wait until the kid is ready. Because the fact is, while some 2-year-olds will want to use the toilet that early, many just can’t do it at that age. And while you can train some who don’t want to, it’ll probably involve tears from both parties.

I’m not saying your daughter can’t do it, but it doesn’t seem like she wants to right now. The worst thing that could happen is that your daughter could decide now that she “doesn’t like writing” or she’s “bad at writing.” So let her do what she’s comfortable doing, what she likes, what she’s good at. If that’s talking, let her talk. Help her develop her ideas by asking clarifying questions. Restate what she says in a more organized way: “Let me see if I understand. You’re saying … ” Praise her creativity or whatever part of idea generation she is doing well.

One question: Does she give you any indication that the physical part of writing is a chore? Some kids at that age still have fine motor challenges, which can manifest as resistance to writing. If that’s the case, there are a few things you can do. First, she could try dictation software. Second, you could ask to scribe for her (then let her reread and edit the piece). Last, see if she’s ready to learn to type. There are a bunch of online typing programs that kids love.

And to answer your question, yes, definitely consult with her teacher. They will know your daughter as a reader, a writer, and a whole person, so their feedback will be the most valuable.

My son is in his first year of kindergarten. While his year has generally been fine, I’ve been disappointed with the setup of his class. He has two teachers who job-share the single position (i.e., one works Monday and Wednesday and Friday, while the other is in class on Tuesday and Thursday), and from what I see, this setup hasn’t provided the consistency and stability needed by kindergartners starting out in school. In particular, it seems like it has contributed to some ongoing behavioral problems in the classroom. Moreover, the class is very boy-heavy (something like 75 percent of the students are boys), which I assume further complicated this classroom setup.

I want to contact the principal regarding my dissatisfaction, but I’m not sure if this is appropriate on my part. I don’t necessarily have an issue with job-sharing in general, but I think it should be restricted to older students who are already accustomed to the social and behavioral demands of school. Is this worth contacting the principal over, even though my son made it through relatively unscathed, or do I leave that to parents of classmates with more significant problems? I’m certain he would have had a better year with a more consistent environment, like his older sister had when she was in kindergarten.

—Not Usually a Complainer

Dear Not Usually a Complainer,

I generally give the advice to parents that you shouldn’t complain to principals (because they should talk to their teachers first), but I think this circumstance is rather unique. I’ve never been to a school where kindergarten teachers job-shared for exactly the reasons you mention. It creates inconsistency at an age when kids thrive off consistency and familiarity. It seems like a strange policy to me, not to mention bad for the teachers. Furthermore, you’re not complaining in a school district where job-sharing in kindergarten has been the norm, since the older sister had a more consistent environment.

There’s nothing the school can do about the gender ratio, unfortunately, but you can certainly mention to an administrator that you have concerns. I wouldn’t storm the principal’s office, guns blazing, and start demanding a single kindergarten teacher, but if the principal is someone you know, and you happen to see them at a school event, I don’t see the harm in mentioning this to them. As with all situations where you’re telling someone you would like them to do their job differently, a big part about whether you should say anything is in how you say it. Like you said, your son is relatively unscathed, and there are parents with worse problems. But if the principal asks, “How was this year for your son?” there’s nothing wrong with responding, “It was OK, but I think having one consistent teacher, like his sister did, would have made XYZ easier.”

It’s entirely possible that the school was trialing the job-sharing and secretly hoping for feedback from the parents on how well it went. It’s also entirely possible they’re trying job-sharing out for budget reasons. (Hiring a bunch of people part time is cheaper than hiring a few people full time—a workaround that I don’t like because it tends to take advantage of teachers.) Whatever the case, the school administration should probably be informed if it isn’t working well, and as long as you present it as feedback rather than as a demand or complaint, I think it’s fine to speak up and advocate for your son and any kiddos whose parents aren’t able to do so.

—Ms. Sarnell

My family and I are American expats in an Anglophone country, and our daughter is almost 3. It’s really hard to find good preschools where we are, and my daughter has ended up in a bilingual class at the German international school. We love it and she loves it, so all is great currently.

The challenge comes in planning for the future. I have the sort of job where we have to move every few years, and we expect our next move to be when my daughter is 6. I have no idea where we’ll end up going and won’t know for several years.

The American International School here starts at 4 years old, and we were initially planning to move her over there then, as the German school doesn’t start really focusing on academics until about 7 years old. We also figure that she’ll move to an American or British school when we move (and she’s 6), so the American International School would help keep her from being behind her peers when that move happens.

But now the German school is asking if we want to put her in the full German class starting next term, or if we want to keep her in the bilingual program. I am a big believer in the benefits of knowing other languages. My daughter has this great opportunity to master German, but she probably won’t have much chance to use German past the age of 6.

Do we keep her in the bilingual program and then switch her to the American school at 4? Put her in the full German class and keep her there until she’s 6, when we’ll move again? Put her in the bilingual class but keep her at the school ’til she’s 6? Put her in the full German class but move her to the American school when she’s 4?

Or am I overthinking this and any option will be fine since she’s so young and a quick learner?

— Deutsch Lernen Oder Nicht ?

Hey there, Deutsch!

What an amazing opportunity for your daughter and family! I don’t think you’re overthinking it. Decisions like these can be tricky, and approaching them thoughtfully is important. Kids at this age are quite resilient, so let me start by saying that I believe whatever you choose will benefit your daughter greatly.

That said, my recommendation is that you place her in the full German class next term and consider moving her when she’s 4. At your daughter’s age, school is less about teaching content and more about learning skills. Placing your daughter in a linguistically challenging learning environment, even if the content isn’t academically rigorous, will give her skills like problem-solving, reasoning, and making connections. These skills will serve her well during any transition your family makes. Also, it’s important to keep in mind that most American children don’t begin school ’til age 5, so I wouldn’t worry much about her falling behind her peers.

After one year in the full German class, you’ll be able to see how she likes it, and reassess. If she really enjoys it, you could consider keeping her there ’til your move, and if not, the American school will still be there. I hope this helps. Viel Glück !

—Mr. Hersey

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Should You Be Funny In Your College Essay + Examples

What’s Covered:

Why are college essays important, should you be funny in your college essay, tips for adding humor to your college essays, essay examples, how to make sure your humor is effective.

College essays are an important part of your application profile. They humanize you and provide you with the opportunity to prove that you’re an interesting individual beyond your grades and test scores. 

Some ways students humanize themselves include reflecting on their values, clueing readers into their backstory, showing off their personalities, or any combination of these. 

One question that may come up with regards to showing off your personality is: can I be funny in my college essay?

Read along to hear our expert opinion on the subject and tips for writing a funny essay, the right way. You can also check out a few examples of essays that have successfully included humor to give you a good idea of what’s appropriate for your writing.

To put it simply, college essays are needed because top colleges have lots of qualified candidates and, to get accepted, you need to stand out. It is estimated that, at top schools, there are at least four academically-qualified applicants for every open spot. This means that students hoping to gain admission to top schools must supplement outstanding grades with other outstanding qualities.

Ways to make yourself stand out include extracurriculars, recommendations and interviews, and essays. At the nation’s top schools, reports tell us that these non-academic factors are weighted respectively as accounting for 30%, 10%, and 25% of your overall admissions chances. The fact that essays account for 25% of your admissions chances means that they could be your key to acceptance at your dream school.

If you are interested in the specific factors that determine how important essays are for individual candidates at individual schools, check out this post .

Essays are heavily weighted in the admissions process because they are the only place where admissions officers get to hear directly from you. An individual’s voice says a lot about them—how mature they are, how comfortable they are with their experiences, and even how likable they are. These are important factors for admissions officers who are trying to see how you would fit in on their campus!

The gist of our answer: if your personality is funny, feel free to be funny! As we’ve said, an important opportunity provided to you by the college essay is the opportunity to show your personality. Humor, if done correctly, can be an important part of that.

That said, if you are only attempting humor because you think it is what admissions officers want to hear or because you think it will help you stand out, abandon ship and find a way to shape your essay that is true to your personality. Try writing down how you view your personality or ask friends and family for adjectives that describe your personality, then show that personality through your voice. It will be more natural this way!

Some elements of personality that could define your voice, if humor isn’t for you:

• Thoughtful/reflective
• Extroverted/social
• Charismatic
• Clever/witty
• Honest/authentic
• Considerate
• Practical/rational

Additionally, if you cannot follow some basic guidelines (listed below) for how to incorporate humor into your essay, you might want to change your course.

1. Be Appropriate

First things first: be appropriate. Humor is, of course, subjective, but make sure your subject matter would be considered appropriate by absolutely anyone reading it. Think about the most traditional person you know and make sure they would be okay with it. No jokes about sex, drugs, lying, crimes, or anything inappropriate—even if the joke is “obviously” against the inappropriate thing you are mentioning.

2. Don’t Be Overly Informal

You want your essay to position you as mature and intelligent, and the way you control language is a sign of maturity and intellect. That said, lots of humor—particularly the humor of young people and internet humor—are based on informality, intentional grammatical errors, and slang. These types of humor, while arguably funny, should be excluded from college essays!

As you write, remember that you know nothing about your admissions officer. Of course, you do not know their age, race, or gender, but you also don’t know their sense of humor. The last thing you want to do is make a joke with an intentional grammatical error and be perceived as unintelligent or make a joke with slang that confuses your reader and makes them think you don’t have a firm grasp of the English language.

3. Avoid Appearing Disrespectful or Inconsiderate

Humor often involves making fun of someone or something. It is very important that you do not make fun of the wrong things! In the last example, the student made fun of themself and their failed cooking experience. That is totally acceptable.

Things that you should not make fun of:

• Other people (particularly those in positions of authority)
• Political ideas
• Religious ideas
• Anything involving ethics, morals, or values

When you make fun of others, you risk sounding cold or unsympathetic. Admissions officers want to admit candidates who are mature and understand that they can never understand the struggles of others. That means you shouldn’t make a cutting joke about your old boss or an unintelligent politician who was running for your city mayor, even if they are the villain in your anecdote.

Similarly, avoid jokes about types of people. Avoid stereotypes in your jokes. 

In general, it is hard to write a humorous essay about a controversial subject. Controversial issues are typically issues that require deep thought and conversation, so if you intend to engage with them, you should consider a more reflective approach, or consider integrating reflection with your humor.

Here is an example of a student successfully poking fun at themself with their humor, while alluding to controversy:

My teenage rebellion started at age twelve. Though not yet technically a teenager, I dedicated myself to the cause: I wore tee shirts with bands on them that made my parents cringe, shopped exclusively at stores with eyebrow-pierced employees, and met every comforting idea the world offered me with hostility. Darkness was in my soul! Happiness was a construct meant for sheep! Optimism was for fools! My cynicism was a product of a world that gave birth to the War in Afghanistan around the same time it gave birth to me, that shot and killed my peers in school, that irreversibly melted ice caps and polluted oceans and destroyed forests. 

I was angry. I fought with my parents, my peers, and strangers. It was me versus the world. 

However, there’s a fundamental flaw in perpetual antagonism: it’s exhausting. My personal relationships suffered as my cynicism turned friends and family into bad guys in my eyes. As I kept up the fight, I found myself always tired, emotionally and physically. The tipping point came one morning standing at the bathroom sink before school.

This student engages with controversial subject matter, but the humorous parts are the parts where she makes fun of herself and her beliefs— “ Darkness was in my soul! Happiness was a construct meant for sheep! Optimism was for fools!” Additionally, the student follows up their humor with reflection: “ However, there’s a fundamental flaw in perpetual antagonism: it’s exhausting. My personal relationships suffered as my cynicism turned friends and family into bad guys in my eyes.”

This student is both funny and mature, witty and reflective, and, above all, a good writer with firm control of language.

4. Don’t Force It

We have already mentioned not to force humor, but we are mentioning it again because it is very important! 

Here is an example of a student whose forced humor detracts from the point of their essay:

To say I have always remained in my comfort zone is an understatement. Did I always order chicken fingers and fries at a restaurant? Yup! Sounds like me. Did I always create a color-coded itinerary just for a day trip? Guilty as charged. Did I always carry a first-aid kit at all times? Of course! I would make even an ambulance look unprepared. And yet here I was, choosing 1,000 miles of misery from Las Vegas to Seattle despite every bone in my body telling me not to.

The sunlight blinded my eyes and a wave of nausea swept over me. Was it too late to say I forgot my calculator? It was only ten minutes in, and I was certain that the trip was going to be a disaster. I simply hoped that our pre-drive prayer was not stuck in God’s voicemail box. 

As this student attempts to characterize themself as stuck in their ways (to eventually describe how they overcame this desire for comfort), their humor feels gimmicky. They describe their preparedness in a way that comes off as inauthentic. It’s funny to imagine them carrying around a first aid kit everywhere they go, but does the reader believe it? Then, when they write “ Was it too late to say I forgot my calculator? ” they create an image of themself as that goofy, overprepared kit in a sitcom. Sitcom characters don’t feel real and the point of a college essay is to make yourself seem like a real person to admissions officers. Don’t sacrifice your essay to humor.

5. Make Sure Your Humor Is Clear

Humor is subjective, so run your essay by people—lots and lots of people—to see if they are confused, offended, or distracted. Ask people to read your essay for content and see if they mention the humor (positively or negatively), but also specifically ask people what they think about the humor. Peer feedback is always important but becomes particularly useful when attempting a humorous essay.

Essay Example #1

Prompt: Tell us an interesting or amusing story about yourself from your high school years. (350 words)

Cooking is one of those activities at which people are either extremely talented or completely inept. Personally, I’ve found that I fall right in the middle, with neither prodigal nor abhorrent talents. After all, it’s just following instructions, right? Unfortunately, one disastrous night in my kitchen has me questioning that logic.

The task was simple enough: cook a turkey stir fry. In theory, it’s an extremely simple dish. However, almost immediately, things went awry. While I was cutting onions, I absentmindedly rubbed at my eyes and smeared my mascara. (Keep this in mind; it’ll come into play later.) I then proceeded to add the raw turkey to the vegetable pot. Now, as any good chef knows, this means that either the vegetables will burn or the turkey will be raw. I am admittedly not a good chef.

After a taste test, I decided to take a page out of the Spice Girls’ book and “spice up my life”, adding some red chili paste. This was my fatal mistake. The bottle spilled everywhere. Pot, counter, floor, I mean everywhere . While trying to clean up the mess, my hands ended up covered in sauce.

Foolishly, I decided to taste my ruined meal anyway. My tongue felt like it was on fire and I sprinted to the bathroom to rinse my mouth. I looked in the mirror and, noticing the raccoon eyes formed by my mascara, grabbed a tissue. What I had neglected to realize was that chili paste had transferred to the tissue—the tissue which I was using to wipe my eyes. I don’t know if you’ve ever put chili paste anywhere near your eyes, but here’s a word of advice: don’t. Seriously, don’t .

I fumbled blindly for the sink handle, mouth still on fire, eyes burning, presumably looking like a character out of a Tim Burton film. After I rinsed my face, I sat down and stared at my bowl of still-too-spicy and probably-somewhat-raw stir fry, wondering what ancient god had decided to take their anger out on me that night, and hoping I would never incur their wrath ever again.

What the Essay Did Well

This essay is an excellent example of how to successfully execute humor. The student’s informal tone helps to bridge the gap between them and the reader, making us feel like we are sitting across the table from them and laughing along. Speaking directly to the reader in sentences like, “ Keep this in mind; it’ll come into play later, ” and “ I don’t know if you’ve ever put chili paste anywhere near your eyes, but here’s a word of advice: don’t. Seriously, don’t,”  is a great tactic to downplay the formality of the essay.

The student’s humor comes through phrases like “ Now, as any good chef knows, this means that either the vegetables will burn or the turkey will be raw. I am admittedly not a good chef.” As this student plays on the common structure of “As any good (insert profession here) knows,” then subverts expectations, they make an easy-to-understand, casual but not flippant joke.

Similarly, the sentence “ I decided to take a page out of the Spice Girls’ book ,” reads in a light-hearted, funny tone. And, importantly, even if a reader had no idea who the Spice Girls were, they would recognize this as a pop-culture joke and would not be confused or lost in any way. The phrase “ raccoon eyes”  is another humorous inclusion—even if the reader doesn’t know what it’s like to rub their eyes while wearing mascara they can picture the rings around a raccoon and imagine the spectacle.

As you can see from this essay, humor works well when you engage universal and inoffensive concepts in ways that are casual enough to be funny, but still comprehensible.

Essay Example #2

Prompt: Due to a series of clerical errors, there is exactly one typo (an extra letter, a removed letter, or an altered letter) in the name of every department at the University of Chicago. Oops! Describe your new intended major. Why are you interested in it and what courses or areas of focus within it might you want to explore? Potential options include Commuter Science, Bromance Languages and Literatures, Pundamentals: Issues and Texts, Ant History… a full list of unmodified majors ready for your editor’s eye is available here. —Inspired by Josh Kaufman, AB’18

When I shared the video of me eating fried insects in Thailand, my friends were seriously offended. Some stopped talking to me, while the rest thought I had lost my mind and recommended me the names of a few psychologists. 

A major in Gastrophysics at UChicago is not for the faint hearted. You have to have a stomach for it! I do hope I am accepted to it as it is the only University in the U.S. with this unique major. My passion for trying unique food such as fish eye has made me want to understand the complexities of how it affects our digestive system. I understand that Gastrophysics started with a big pang of food, which quickly expanded to famish. Bite years are used to measure the amount of food ingested. I look forward to asking, “How many bite years can the stomach hold?” and “How do different enzymes react with the farticles?” 

Gastrophysics truly unravels the physics of food. At UChicago I will understand the intricacies of what time to eat, how to eat and how food will be digested. Do we need to take antiparticle acid if we feel acidity is becoming a matter of concern? At what angle should the mouth be, for the best possible tasting experience? When I tried crocodile meat, I found that at a 0 degree tilt, it tasted like fish and chicken at the same time. But the same tasted more like fish at a negative angle and like chicken at a positive angle. I want to unravel these mysteries in a class by Professor Daniel Holz in gravitational gastrophysics, understanding the unseen strong and weak forces at play which attract food to our stomachs. 

I find that Gastrophysics is also important for fastronomy. I want to learn the physics of fasting. How should we fast? Hubble bubble is a good chewing gum; an appetite suppressant in case you feel pangs of hunger. I have read how the UChicago Fastronauts are stepping up to test uncharted territories. Intermittent fasting is a new method being researched, and UChicago offers the opportunity for furthering this research. Which is better: fasting for 16 hours and eating for 8, or fasting for 24 hours twice a week? It is just one of the problems that UChicago offers a chance to solve. 

I can also study the new branch it offers that uses farticle physics. It is the science of tracking farticles and how they interact with each other and chemicals in the stomach space. It could give rise to supernovae explosions, turning people into gas giants. It would also teach about the best ways to expel gas and clean the system and prevent stomach space expansion. 

I want to take Fluid dynamics 101, another important course in Gastrophysics; teaching about the importance of water and other fluids in the body, and the most important question: what happens if you try to drink superfluids? 

I hope to do interdisciplinary courses with observational gastrophysicists and work with environmental science majors to track how much methane is given by the human and animal gastrointestinal tract in the atmosphere and how much it contributes to the global climate change. I believe, with the help of courses in date science, they have been able to keep a track of how much methane is entering each day, and they found that during Dec 24-Jan 3 period, a spike in the methane and ethane levels could be seen. Accordingly, algorithms are being programmed to predict the changes all year round. I would love to use my strong mathematical background to explore these algorithms. 

These courses are specially designed by the distinguished faculty of UChicago. Doing interdisciplinary research in collaboration with biological science students to determine what aliens may eat, with fart historians to know more about the intestinal structure of medieval Italians, Japanese, Chinese, Swedish and French people to better their lives is what I look forward to. The Paris study abroad program is an immersion course into fastronomy, where I will have the opportunity to test my self-control with all the amazing French food and desserts around! 

My stomach rumbles now, so I am going out to try out new food – hopefully it will be in Chicago a few months later. 

This is a fun essay! This student’s voice is present and their goofy personality is especially evident. Not only did they change the name of their major, but this student incorporated word play throughout the essay to showcase their imagination. Phrases like “ the big pang of food ”, “ bite years ”, “ fastronauts ”, and “ farticle physics ” keep the tone lighthearted and amusing.

Incorporating this style of humor takes a lot of creativity to be able to still convey your main idea while also earning a chuckle from your readers. While some jokes are a bit more low-brow—” farticles ” or “ fart historians ” for example—they are balanced out by some that are more clever and require a bit of thinking to get the A-ha moment (referencing the Hubble telescope as “ Hubble bubble chewing gum “). You might not feel comfortable including less sophisticated jokes in your essay at all, but if you do want to go down that path, having more intellectual sources of humor is important to provide balance.

Another positive of the essay is the continued thread of humor throughout. Sometimes humor is used as a tool in the introduction and abandoned in favor of practical information about the student. This essay manages to tell us about the student and their interests without sacrificing the laugh factor. Weaving humor throughout the essay like this makes the humor feel more genuine and helps us better understand this student’s personality.  

Essay Example #3

Prompt:   Describe a topic, idea, or concept you find so engaging that it makes you lose all track of time. Why does it captivate you? What or who do you turn to when you want to learn more? (650 words)

Scalding hot water cascades over me, crashing to the ground in a familiar, soothing rhythm. Steam rises to the ceiling as dried sweat and soap suds swirl down the drain. The water hisses as it hits my skin, far above the safe temperature for a shower. The pressure is perfect on my tired muscles, easing the aches and bruises from a rough bout of sparring and the tension from a long, stressful day. The noise from my overactive mind dies away, fading into music, lyrics floating through my head. Black streaks stripe the inside of my left arm, remnants of the penned reminders of homework, money owed and forms due. 

It lacks the same dynamism and controlled intensity of sparring on the mat at taekwondo or the warm tenderness of a tight hug from my father, but it’s still a cocoon of safety as the water washes away the day’s burdens. As long as the hot water is running, the rest of the world ceases to exist, shrinking to me, myself and I. The shower curtain closes me off from the hectic world spinning around me. 

Much like the baths of Blanche DuBois, my hot showers are a means of cleansing and purifying (though I’m mostly just ridding myself of the germs from children at work sneezing on me). In the midst of a hot shower, there is no impending exam to study for, no newspaper deadline to meet, no paycheck to deposit. It is simply complete and utter peace, a safe haven. The steam clears my mind even as it clouds my mirror. 

Creativity thrives in the tub, breathing life into tales of dragons and warrior princesses that evolve only in my head, never making their way to paper but appeasing the childlike dreamer and wannabe author in me all the same. That one calculus problem that has seemed unsolvable since second period clicks into place as I realize the obvious solution. The perfect concluding sentence to my literary analysis essay writes itself (causing me to abruptly end my shower in a mad dash to the computer before I forget it entirely).  

Ever since I was old enough to start taking showers unaided, I began hogging all the hot water in the house, a source of great frustration to my parents. Many of my early showers were rudely cut short by an unholy banging on the bathroom door and an order to “stop wasting water and come eat dinner before it gets cold.” After a decade of trudging up the stairs every evening to put an end to my water-wasting, my parents finally gave in, leaving me to my (expensive) showers. I imagine someday, when paying the water bill is in my hands, my showers will be shorter, but today is not that day (nor, hopefully, will the next four years be that day). 

Showers are better than any ibuprofen, the perfect panacea for life’s daily ailments. Headaches magically disappear as long as the water runs, though they typically return in full force afterward. The runny nose and itchy eyes courtesy of summertime allergies recede. Showers alleviate even the stomachache from a guacamole-induced lack of self-control. 

Honestly though, the best part about a hot shower is neither its medicinal abilities nor its blissful temporary isolation or even the heavenly warmth seeped deep into my bones. The best part is that these little moments of pure, uninhibited contentedness are a daily occurrence. No matter how stressful the day, showers ensure I always have something to look forward to. They are small moments, true, but important nonetheless, because it is the little things in life that matter; the big moments are too rare, too fleeting to make anyone truly happy. Wherever I am in the world, whatever fate chooses to throw at me, I know I can always find my peace at the end of the day behind the shower curtain.

While the humor in this essay isn’t as direct as the others, the subtle inclusion of little phrases in parentheses throughout the essay bring some comedy without feeling overbearing. 

The contrast of elegant and posh Blanche DuBois and “ germs from children at work sneezing on me ” paints an ironic picture that you can’t help but laugh at. The ability to describe universal experiences also brings a level of humor to the essay. For example, the reader might laugh at the line, “ abruptly end my shower in a mad dash to the computer before I forget it entirely,”  because it brings to mind moments when they have done the same.

This student also achieves a humorous tone by poking fun at themselves. Admitting that they were “ hogging all the hot water, ” leading to “ (expensive) showers, ” as well as describing their stomachache as a “ guacamole-induced lack of self-control, ” keeps the tone casual and easy-going. Everybody has their flaws, and in this case long showers and guacamole are the downfall of this student.

While the tips and tricks we’ve given you will be extremely helpful when writing, it’s often not that simple. Feedback is ultimately any writer’s best source of improvement—especially when it comes to an element like humor which, naturally, can be hit-or-miss! 

To get your college essay edited for free, use our Peer Review Essay Tool . With this tool, other students can tell you if your humor is effective/appropriate and help you improve your essay so that you can have the best chances of admission to your dream schools.

If you want a college admissions expert to review your essay, advisors on CollegeVine have helped students refine their writing and submit successful applications to top schools. Find the right advisor for you to improve your chances of getting into your dream school!

Related CollegeVine Blog Posts

Watch this caring teacher become an instant dad to four siblings

When Justin Padgett began tutoring 5th grader Jayden, he had no idea it would lead to acquiring an instant family.

“I would do one-on-one tutoring to make sure his work was completed and caught up,” Justin said. “So we got to develop a relationship early on that year.” As the months passed, Jayden not only excelled in his studies but also came to see Justin as a father figure. Then, one day, with a mix of hope and courage, Jayden asked Justin to adopt him.

Justin rushed home to share the news with his wife, Kasey. She had always dreamed of having a big family and was thrilled at the thought of welcoming Jayden into their lives. But there was a twist - Jayden had three siblings who also needed a home.

“That was something to think about because it would be four kiddos that need to be adopted,” said Justin.

After a deep discussion, the couple made their decision - they would adopt all four children through the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption . And for Jayden, it was a dream come true. "I was really happy because he was going to adopt all four of us, and we could all stay together!" he says.

Watch the video above to hear from the Padgett family about their incredible journey

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• Introduction to the First-Year Seminar Program and Summer Reading Assignment
• Current Students
• Welcome New Students
• Messages to New Students

As director of the First-Year Seminar (FSEM) program and dean for administrative advising, we are excited to welcome you to the Colgate community. Please read this letter carefully, as it contains important information about the FSEM program, the Colgate Community Reads Program (i.e., “Summer Reading,”) and your first academic assignment as a Colgate student.

The FSEM program is an integral part of the first-year student experience. Each incoming student will be assigned to a First-Year Seminar, and the faculty member teaching that course will serve as your academic adviser during your first two years at Colgate, or until you declare your academic concentration (i.e., major).

Students from each FSEM will be housed together in one of Colgate’s Residential Commons. Your FSEM instructor, administrative dean, the commons leadership team, community leaders (CLs), and peer mentor (Link) will help you navigate your transition to Colgate and build strong connections within these diverse and inclusive communities. For many of our students, the connections they establish through the FSEM and their commons are the starting points for the most enduring and meaningful relationships they forge at Colgate. 

First-year students will also be enrolled in a section of the Living and Learning Workshop (LLW). The LLW is a required element of Colgate’s Core Curriculum, and it aims to provide ongoing orientation for new students, enabling them to thrive throughout their time on campus. The LLW curriculum comprises five class sessions (60 minutes each) that students attend during the first half of the fall semester. These modules offer students opportunities for self-reflection, personal growth, and a thoughtful introduction to the challenges and benefits of being a responsible and involved member of the Colgate community. Though the LLW modules will not appear on your course schedule for the fall semester, you should block off the following five dates/times on your calendar : Sept. 6, 13, 20, 27, and Oct. 4, each from 2:15 to 3:15 p.m.

Your first Colgate assignment consists of two short writing exercises. While these will not be graded, your responses will be shared with your FSEM instructor, administrative adviser (i.e., dean), and LLW facilitator, so you will want to use this opportunity to make a positive first impression. You may use a spelling/grammar check tool for these exercises, but you may not use ChatGPT or other generative AI technologies. The writing you do for this assignment should be your own.

• What would you like Colgate faculty and administrators to know about you as a person and as a learner?
• How prepared do you feel to take on a transformative education over the next four years?
• What will you need from the Colgate community to ensure your success?
• The second part of your assignment is to read Poverty, by America by Matthew Desmond and then craft a written response (750–1000 words) to the prompt below. If you wish, you can write your response in the form of a letter addressed directly to the author, i.e., “Dear Professor Desmond …” Poverty, by America will mean different things to different readers, depending on their life experiences, personal values, and political commitments.
• What were the book's two biggest takeaways from your perspective, and if you had a chance to talk with the author about these takeaways, what questions would you ask, and what observations, analysis, or ideas of your own would you share in response?
• If you found particular lines, passages, or arguments in the book especially memorable or provocative, be sure to incorporate them in your answer and explain why they grabbed your attention.

You can access your free digital copy of Poverty, by America on Colgate’s Summer Reading website. You will also receive an email from Vital Source with a unique code to access your free e-book. We hope that this text becomes a point of intellectual contact and common interest among members of the Class of 2028. You should submit your writing assignment via the submission form which is linked to the Summer Reading page . We recommend that you write your responses in a separate document and then copy-paste them into the form. If you have trouble accessing the form, please contact ITS ( [email protected] ; 315-228-7111). If you have other logistical questions about the assignment, please contact Laura Billings, academic department coordinator for the FSEM program and the Division of University Studies ( [email protected] ; 315-228-7807).  The deadline for completing this assignment is Wednesday, Aug. 7. Once you have submitted the assignment, your responses will be distributed to your FSEM instructor, your administrative dean, and your LLW facilitator. You should also keep a copy of this assignment, as you may wish to refer back to it during the upcoming academic year.  You and your peers in the Class of 2028 are the foundation of our inclusive community — a community rooted in understanding, appreciation, and acceptance of differences. We thank you for your engagement with your first reading and writing assignments, and we warmly welcome you to our intellectual community.  Sincerely,  Alexander (Xan) Karn Associate Professor of History University Professor, First-Year Seminar Program

Kimberly Taylor Dean for Administrative Advising and Student Conduct

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DePaul University dismisses biology professor after assignment tied to Israel-Hamas war

DePaul University adjunct professor Anne d’Aquino speaks to reporters with pro-Palestinian demonstrators standing behind her outside the North Side university’s quad, Thursday, June 6, 2024. (Jessica Ma/Chicago Sun-Times via AP)

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CHICAGO (AP) — DePaul University said it dismissed a part-time biology instructor after she gave an optional assignment related to the Israel-Hamas war.

Anne d’Aquino told students in May that they could write about the impact of “genocide in Gaza on human health and biology.” The theme of the spring class at the Chicago school was how microorganisms cause disease.

DePaul said some students “expressed significant concern” about politics in a science class.

“We investigated the matter, spoke with the faculty member, and found it had negatively affected the learning environment by introducing extraneous political material that was outside the scope of the academic subject as outlined in the curriculum,” DePaul said Friday in a statement.

The school noted an email with the assignment expressed support for people “resisting the normalization of ethnic cleansing.”

“The class was provided a new instructor, and the faculty member has been released from their appointment as a part-time faculty member,” DePaul said.

D’Aquino is appealing her dismissal.

About 50 people protested last Thursday in support of her, waving Palestinian flags, the Chicago Sun-Times reported.

“My termination was a breach of my academic freedom and another example of this administration’s efforts to twist any discussions of Palestine and Palestinian liberation language into false claims of antisemitism,” d’Aquino said at the demonstration.

She said the assignment was relevant, noting that scientists have warned about the spread of disease in Gaza due to malnutrition and a lack of water and adequate sanitation.

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Reigning AL Cy Young Winner Set To Make Season Debut Against Baltimore Orioles

Brad wakai | 4 hours ago.

• Baltimore Orioles

It has been an incredible battle for the top of the AL East standings so far this season as the Baltimore Orioles have shrunk the gap between themselves and the New York Yankees to 1.5 games entering Tuesday's huge series.

Based on the strength of these two rosters, the race for the division title will likely come down to the final part of the year.

However, while the Orioles continue to lose arms with Kyle Bradish now hitting the injured list , the Yankees are getting their best arm back into the mix.

According to Talkin' Yanks , their manager Aaron Boone announced that reigning AL Cy Young winner Gerrit Cole will be activated on Wednesday and make his season debut against Baltimore.

The superstar has been on the shelf since Spring Training when he his throwing elbow was having issues in between starts. There was concern he might need surgery, but he was able to rehab without a procedure to get back onto the field this year.

Cole was sent on a rehab assignment June 4 to New York's Double-A affiliate, where he started two games and allowed just one earned run on four hits across eight innings pitched before getting moved to their Triple-A team.

There, he put in a completely ridiculous outing by pitching 4.1 shoutout innings where he gave up only two hits and struck out 10 batters.

The Orioles are going to have a battle on their hands to win back-to-back division crowns for the first time since the 1970s.

Without Cole, the Yankees have still had the best ERA in the MLB with a 3.02 and fifth-best among starting rotations with a 3.31.

Baltimore will have their hands full as they are dealing with injury fallout from John Means and Tyler Wells going down for the year and there being major concern Bradish could suffer the same fate with his second UCL sprain.

They added some pitching depth via waivers to help with that, but there's a chance they'll have to be a lot more aggressive around the deadline if they want to keep up with their division rivals in this race and to make a deep playoff run.

Brad Wakai graduated from Penn State University with a degree in Journalism. While an undergrad, he did work at the student radio station covering different Penn State athletic programs like football, basketball, volleyball, soccer and other sports. Brad currently covers the Philadelphia Phillies, Chicago Cubs and Houston Astros for Sports Illustrated/FanNation. He is also the Lead Contributor for Nittany Lions Wire of Gannett Media where he continues to cover Penn State athletics. Brad is the host of the sports podcast I Said What I Said, discussing topics across the NFL, College Football, the NBA and other sports. You can follow him on Twitter: @bwakai

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What to do about ridiculous assignments?

So I'm a masters student in a computer science program, nearly finished with my degree and getting ready to have my research published.

However, my 3.9 GPA has been getting wrecked in the most ridiculous (to me) way this semester and I am just wondering if this is something that other academics agree with. The class that I'm taking now has been a constant firehose of time wasting assignments, to the point where I don't understand how the professor is capable of grading them. As an example:

Over the next 8 days (4 of which are fall break) we have been assigned to:

- read all 10 chapters of a 367 page textbook and write essays for each chapter for a total of 8 pages

- complete a small group project from start to finish, I estimate 4-8 hours for each group member

- come up with a topic and write a 1/2 page to 1 page proposal for an individual research project

Is it just me, or is this completely insane? If so, what should I do about this? I have to be at a wedding over the break, and I don't feel like this is possible. And I don't feel that its fair for the professor to be asking this of her students.

edit: this is the book

Anouk Aimée, French star of ‘A Man and a Woman’ and ‘La Dolce Vita,’ dies at 92

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Anouk Aimée, the French film icon known for “A Man and a Woman,” “La Dolce Vita” and “Lola,” has died. She was 92.

The actor’s daughter, Manuela Papatakis, confirmed the news on Instagram , writing that she was at her mother’s bedside in Paris when Aimée died Tuesday morning. No cause of death was given.

Aimée was born Nicole Françoise Florence Dreyfus in Paris April 27, 1932, to actors Geneviève Sorya and Henry Murray. She made her film debut at age 14 in “The House Under the Sea” (La maison sous la mer) as a character named Anouk, which she adopted for herself afterward. She added the last name “Aimée,” which means “beloved,” in the late 1940s to cement her identity with her on-screen roles.

Renowned as an emblem of “cool, sophisticated beauty,” the actor appeared in nearly 90 films across seven decades. Her most notable roles include recent widow Anne, who falls for a widower at her daughter’s school before deciding that her heartbreak is too fresh to continue the romance, in “A Man and a Woman,” for which she was Oscar-nominated in the lead actress category — an incredible feat for a non-American star in 1967. She also won the Golden Globe that year in the same category.

Françoise Hardy, French pop star and fashion icon, dies at 80

Yé-yé singer, fashion muse and author Françoise Hardy spent the final months of her life advocating for the right to die after being diagnosed with terminal cancer.

June 12, 2024

Her other most notable films include “La Dolce Vita” (1960) and “8½” (1963), which were directed by Federico Fellini, in addition to “Lola” (1961), “Justine” (1969), “Tragedy of a Ridiculous Man“(1981) and “Ready to Wear” (1994).

The international success of “A Man and a Woman” completely mystified Aimee at the time.

“When we went to the Golden Globes, I remember I saw Fred Astaire,” Aimee told The Times in 2002. “John Wayne came over to talk to me. Groucho Marx. These are people I admired when I was a kid and here they are applauding me. I don’t understand. It’s wrong.”

Even so, she expressed profound gratitude for her adoring reception in the States.

Janis Paige, enduring ‘Silk Stockings’ star from Hollywood’s Golden Age, dies at 101

Janis Paige, a performer from Hollywood’s Golden Age, died Sunday of natural causes in her Los Angeles home. The scene-stealing star of ‘Silk Stockings’ was 101.

June 3, 2024

“It was unbelievable. It was an incredible adventure,” she said. “I must say I owe a lot to American films because I have always been received very well here. People behave very well with me in America — that’s true. I am one of the Europeans who love it [in America].

Aimée was married four times — first to Edouard Zimmermann from 1949 to 1950, then to film writer and director Nikos Papatakis — with whom she had daughter Manuela — from 1951to 1954 Her third husband was Pierre Barouh, who played her deceased husband in “A Man and a Woman,” from 1966 to 1969. Her final marriage was to British actor Albert Finney from 1970 to 1978. Finney died in 2019, Papatakis in 2010, and Barouh in 2016.

Aimée is survived by her daughter, who also had a brief acting career , granddaughter Galaad and great-granddaughter Mila.

More to Read

Sean Baker’s ‘Anora’ wins Palme d’Or at Cannes Film Festival

May 25, 2024

Susan Buckner, ‘Grease’ actor who played cheerleader Patty Simcox, dies at 72

May 7, 2024

Documentary filmmaker and social activist Lourdes Portillo dies at 80

April 22, 2024

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