personal statement examples ucla

18 UCLA Essays That Worked (and Why) for 2024

Do you want to write strong essays that'll help get you into UCLA?

In this article, you'll read and learn from 18 essays written by students who got recently accepted into UCLA and see how they did it.

If you're trying to get into the University of California, Los Angeles, these essays are a valuable resource and give you a peek into UCLA admissions.

Whether you're a student or parent of an applicant, you'll see what to do—and what not to do—when writing your UC essays.

How important are the UCLA essays?

And as of 2022, the UC system no longer uses your SAT and ACT scores to decide whether or not to admit students.

With no more test scores, that means your UC essays are even more important for your application. Besides your grades (GPA) and coursework, your essays are the most influential factor for your UC admissions.

Plus, UCLA is the most applied to school in the world, with well over 100,000 applicants each year. The University of California-Los Angeles acceptance rate is lower each year, which makes your essays even more important.

Since your UC essays matter so much, it's important to get them right.

What are the UC Personal Insight Question Prompts for 2022-23?

It's a mistake to think of the UC Personal Insight Questions (PIQs) as typical essays you'd write for a class.

Rather, the PIQs are a set of eight open-ended questions asked by the UC app. You must choose exactly four questions to respond to, and each response should be no more than 350 words.

Let's go over the UC Personal Insight Question prompts:

• Describe an example of your leadership experience in which you have positively influenced others, helped resolve disputes or contributed to group efforts over time.
• Every person has a creative side, and it can be expressed in many ways: problem solving, original and innovative thinking, and artistically, to name a few. Describe how you express your creative side.
• What would you say is your greatest talent or skill? How have you developed and demonstrated that talent over time?
• Describe how you have taken advantage of a significant educational opportunity or worked to overcome an educational barrier you have faced.
• Describe the most significant challenge you have faced and the steps you have taken to overcome this challenge. How has this challenge affected your academic achievement?
• Think about an academic subject that inspires you. Describe how you have furthered this interest inside and/or outside of the classroom.
• What have you done to make your school or your community a better place?
• Beyond what has already been shared in your application, what do you believe makes you stand out as a strong candidate for admissions to the University of California?

It can be helpful to see how other students responded to the UC Personal Insight Questions.

And since UCLA is one of the hardest UC's to get into, along with UC Berkeley , students that get accepted tend to write outstanding essay responses to the PIQs.

18 UCLA Personal Insight Question Examples

Here are the 18 best UCLA accepted essays that worked written by accepted students for each Personal Insight Question prompt #1-8.

• UCLA Example Essay #1
• UCLA Example Essay #2
• UCLA Example Essay #3: Violin
• UCLA Example Essay #4

UCLA Example Essay #5: Team Player

• UCLA Example Essay #6: Flute
• UCLA Example Essay #7: Optimism
• UCLA Example Essay #8
• UCLA Example Essay #9
• UCLA Example Essay #10
• UCLA Example Essay #11
• UCLA Example Essay #12

UCLA Example Essay #13: Computer Science

Ucla example essay #14: korean big toes.

• UCLA Example Essay #15

UCLA Example Essay #16: LGBT

• UCLA Example Essay #17

UCLA Example Essay #18: Being Short

Ucla example essay #1: orchestra leadership.

UC PIQ #1: Describe an example of your leadership experience in which you have positively influenced others, helped resolve disputes or contributed to group efforts over time. (350 words max)

In my freshman year of high school, I had enrolled in the String Orchestra Advanced Class which was mixed in with the Beginning class. I was the only person with experience, seven years in the Violin at the time, while most of the students in the class were beginners. I got class elected, then re-elected as President my Freshman and Sophomore years, and was First Violin, then First Viola Chair.

My first year consisted of myself and the instructor teaching the basics of each instrument. Learning a new instrument is frustrating, and there were times where older students in the class would get frustrated and unhappy that a Freshman knew more than they did.

As a leader I had to make sure I did not keep a separation between myself and my classmates. Therefore, my Sophomore year, I changed my instrument to the Viola.

By showing my classmates that I too was a beginner, and that I too had to learn because I had a new instrument -inspired the class to learn as well. My classmates no longer saw me as someone who told people to practice and not give up, yet did not have to practice or struggle themselves, but instead, as someone who was there practicing, and struggling along with them.

The Orchestra program at my school started my Freshman year as an experimental class, but the school ended the class after my Sophomore year. Though unfortunate, in the two years of its existence, my classmates went from being novices, to performers, where in the last year of the program, we performed many times for school events and finally in an orchestra conference in my Sophomore year, where judges praised our Orchestra's technique and cohesiveness.

After the class got cut, many of my classmates continued to pursue music independently, or in the District Orchestra. It is a wonderful feeling for me to see my former classmates -to this day- performing, and even teaching others, knowing that I was there when their journeys in music first began, and I look forward to seeing their musical pursuits in the future.

Why This Essay Works:

• Tells a Story: Gives context and explains how you got this leadership position. By explaining a backstory, it reveals your motivations and what drives you.
• Shows Takeaways and Lessons Learned: It's not enough to just talk about your achievements. Admissions officers are more interested in why they matter to you, and how you had an impact on others.

What They Might Improve:

• Fix Capitalization: It's not necessary to capitalize improper nouns like "violin", "viola", and "orchestra".
• Sentence Flow: Make sure your sentences aren't too long and don't have unnecessary breaks, which can interrupt the flow.

UCLA Example Essay #2: Volunteer Leadership

My group and I spent a total of seven hours preparing five hundred bagged lunches for the extensive homeless community at Oakland. Out of all the obstacles that could have halted our progress, rain was the last thing on our minds. We were lucky enough to distribute three hundred lunches before the rain began to relentlessly pour down on us. There were a few hours left of daylight before we would be able to eat Iftar for Ramadan, so, an overwhelming majority of our group wanted to call it a day. However, there was still a large number of unsheltered and hungry homeless people throughout the city, and I could not bear to let all that food go to waste. So, I raced to one of our nearest vans, grabbed a bullhorn, and yelled to gather the attention of as many people as possible. I instructed them to form lines in front of our eleven vans in order to take everybody to the nearest homeless shelters with the promise of food and entertainment. We went to six other heavily concentrated areas to do the same thing, and within just five hours, nearly five hundred homeless individuals were transported.

This event is one of the dozens of community service projects I’ve performed in my role as vice-president of the youth faction of the Sudanese Association of Northern California (SANC). This Oakland food drive has left me with a sense of clarity of what it takes to get a project, event, or any other endeavor accomplished. The food drive was obviously a success, but what made this particularly memorable is the email the president of SANC sent me the following day: “You have a keen ability to synthesize and communicate anything quickly and effectively.” I realized the explicit connection between my forensics (speech and debate) career and my community service: the power that I carry in my voice can motivate others to do good. I have tried to apply this insight into each new endeavor since.

• Specific with Numbers: Use exact numbers whenever you can to create authenticity and make it realistic. In this essay, saying "three hundred" lunches makes things concrete.
• Connects to Academic Interests: Show how your past leadership achievements relate to what you want to do in college.
• Stronger Conclusion: Make sure your conclusion isn't vague and has a concrete takeaway. Don't just use words like "this insight". Rather, rephrase that insight or draw a new idea from it.
• Sentence Structure: Having too long of sentences is a common mistake students make. Instead, splitting up complex sentences can make it easier to read.

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UCLA Example Essay #3: Violin Creative Side

UC PIQ #2: Every person has a creative side, and it can be expressed in many ways: problem solving, original and innovative thinking, and artistically, to name a few. Describe how you express your creative side. (350 words max)

I express my creative side by playing the violin and other musical instruments. Ever since I was a younger child, music had always been a part of my life. The first instrument I remember playing is the piano when I was four years old. My school had a music program, so I went and learned how to read music and play the Recorder. Though it was a simple instrument, it was to prepare us students for the more complex instruments that we could choose to play after completing the Recorder lessons.

I took this class all of first grade, and in second grade I was ready to choose the instrument I wanted to specialize in. I chose the Violin, and now -ten years later- I am still playing it. Throughout the years I have learned to play other instruments as well, such as the Piano, Trumpet, Viola, and more. During that time I have also been able to play those instruments in different styles of music.

From second to seventh grade, I played the Violin and sung in my elementary school district's Mariachi and my middle school's Mariachi even when I did not know how to speak Spanish. I have been playing the Violin at my church's choir almost every Sunday since Seventh grade. I played the Violin and Viola in my high school's Orchestra class in Freshman and Sophomore year, and since my Junior year I have played the trumpet in my school's Jazz Band and Trumpet Choir.

My siblings have also been inspired to be creative musically, and together we perform at our church and other places, and music has become an important part in their lives as well.

Throughout my life I have been able to express my love for music in many different ways. Whether through playing with a group, doing a solo in front of an audience, composing my own music, or teaching my younger siblings how to read and play music the way I was taught many years ago, music has always been a large way that I could express my creative side.

• Clearly Answers Prompt: For UC essays, being straightforward is not a bad thing. This essay starts off by clearly answering the prompt, before elaborating further.
• Fix Capitalization: It's not necessary to capitalize improper nouns like "freshman" and "sophomore". An easy fix is to only capitalize proper nouns, like names of people and places.
• Explain What's Meaningful: Admissions officers want to know more than just "what you did," but also why it was meaningful to you. Try to focus on the impact of your achievements more than just what you did.

UCLA Example Essay #4: Improvised Comedy Creative Side

I was brought into this world with an overactive imagination and an absence of siblings. My abundance of boredom and lack of playmates was solved by creating multiple characters, drawing them, and pretending to be them. When I joined theater my freshman year, I quickly fell in love because it brought me back to that childhood innocence of carelessly being someone else It was an opportunity to evaluate how I could incorporate my personality, experiences, and charisma into a character and to turn my visual concepts into a reality through doing makeup.

I was also introduced to improvised comedy. where I presented my witty and quirky side. On the other hand, working with a cast and crew was something I was unaccustomed to. but I soon saw myself becoming inspired by the surrounding creativity of others. Whether we were doing a dramatic or comedic play, we worked together to evoke an emotional response from the audience. It’s an honor to see people laugh and cry during our performances because I've connected with hundreds of people by putting my heart on a stage. In contrast, painting has been a private indulgence. Every feeling and thought trapped inside becomes free on that canvas into a beautiful visual creation. Like my mood, my paintings aren't uniform and consistent; they range from iridescent beaches to scattered splotches, yet every stroke, color. and mistake had a reason.

As my only patron, my mom couldn't always afford painting supplies, so occasionally I had to improvise with tools like spoons, paper towels, and erasers. Regardless of the tools I was using, my paintings were reflection of myself. The progression of my work is an exhibit of my struggles, success, and how I became who I am today. Painting is not about the finished product; it's about the journey and the lessons I've learned to get there. My creativity is not limited to the arts, but is embedded my appearance, mindset, and career path in solving mental health issues. Creativity, to me, is putting bits and pieces of myself into doing what I love.

• Strong First Sentence: Starting off with interesting ideas is the best way to get the reader hooked. It doesn't need to be complicated, but find your most interesting idea and start there.
• Connects Multiple Extracurriculars: Finding multiple examples in your life to explain your answer can make your essay stronger. Rather than focusing on just one activity, how do your activites relate with a common theme?
• Great Conclusion: A strong conclusion is often one that expands on your ideas or connects to something more universal. Try restating your main idea and add a twist or expand on it.
• Make Each Paragraph Distinct: Each paragraph should have one central idea or topic. It's better to split up your essay into many paragraphs because it makes it easier for the reader and better organized.

UC PIQ #3: What would you say is your greatest talent or skill? How have you developed and demonstrated that talent over time? (350 words max)

My greatest talent would be relating to and inspiring others. Throughout my time in school I have demonstrated that talent by becoming a leader where I was trusted by my teachers and peers. It began in 5th grade when I was voted to become Student Council for my class, where my peers knew that I related well with them and that I would do my best to use my position to fix their issues.

In middle school, I became the Knowledge Bowl team Captain. There was a new coach, so the program was small, about five students. There were many students who wanted to join the team but felt that they were not "smart enough" to join. I recognized this and encouraged those students to join and they succeeded. By the end of the year, our team was 3rd in the district overall statistically standing, our highest ranking in a while.

In high school I joined JROTC as a Freshman, and I became a Platoon Sergeant my Junior year. My job for the semester was to teach and motivate cadets in the program. Some cadets did not do well with authority, and felt attacked when other class leaders would be assertive. As a leader I took a different approach, and related to my cadets. My platoon was constantly noted as being a well-rounded platoon by our instructors, and I received the Non-Commisioned Officer Leadership Award.

In Academic League, motivation was key to our team's success. Sometimes personal problems would affect a member of the team, so I showed them I could relate to their struggles and still believe in their ability to help the team. In times when we would be losing in a match, I would inspire the team to keep pushing on, and to remain positive. That year our team placed 5th in the district -again a highest ranking in a while- and I was voted as "Most Inspirational" by the team.

Throughout the years, relating to and inspiring others has been a skill that has allowed me to make great connections with so many people.

• Uses Multiple Examples: Backing up your answer with various examples from your life makes your case stronger.
• Unique Take: Rather than thinking of a skill in the literal sense, this author uses a more abstract skill. Sharing your unique perspective is key to having interesting ideas.
• Show Why It Matters: In addition to explaining your greatest skill or talent, you should tell why it is meaningful. What are the takeaways and how will you use this skill going forward in college?

UCLA Example Essay #6: Flute Greatest Talent

Just when we think we figured things out, the universe throws us a curveball. So, we have to improvise. The universe is funny like that. Sometimes it just has a way of making sure we wind up exactly where we belong.

When I first started playing flute, I probably looked like a pufferfish choking on a clump of wasabi, but that didn't matter. Blasting deep breaths into my flute, I blew voraciously as I tried to produce a B-flat; but all I could muster was a raspy whistle.

6 years later, I was filled with pride knowing that I had worked hard enough to be selected as the concert soloist for the Youth Orchestra of Bucks County. My moment had arrived; I stand center-stage and begin Chaminade's Concertino Op. 107. Recognizing the minor scales and arpeggios, my fingers glide through the measures with absolute certainty; and with each successive measure, my breathing, tone, and articulation seemed to increasingly synchronize. Before long, the piece came to an end. Holding the D-natural farmada as long I could, I let the note fade into submission and lowered my flute. Taking a bow, I reveled in the magnitude of my hard work.

As I grew older, it became evident that I would need orthodontics and jaw reduction surgeries. With my face full of rubber and metal, I couldn't form a tight enough valve to sustain notes. I was officially back to square one. The following months were brutal, I had to put away Tchaikovsky and go back to the basics; but my effort was genuine and I gradually regained my ability to play.

Today, I consider playing flute my greatest skill. Not because I can play complex scales or win competitions, but, instead, because through the horrors of braces, learning how to double-tongue, and impossibly fast measures, I never gave up. Playing flute had crafted in me the relentless determination which I've exhibited over the past 8 years. I may not know what curveballs life will pitch to me next, but I have confidence knowing I will persevere regardless of the circumstances.

• Strong Hook: Use your best idea at the start to immediately make the reader interested. First impressions matter, and by having a compelling first paragraph, the tone of your essay is immediately better.
• Specific in Naming Things: Say the names of groups, places, and other things whenever you can. Being specific whenever possible makes you seem more relatable and makes your essay more interesting.

UCLA Example Essay #7: Optimism Greatest Skill

Life can be an overwhelming obstacle course, but my ability to get over any bump with a smile on my face has been my greatest strength. Maintaining an optimistic outlook has introduced me to new opportunities, made me a better leader, and helped me get through everyday life. Although my determination to get back up was built by a couple scrapes and falls. I learned about the impact of a positive attitude on others through my experience on the tennis team.

The motivation and bond my team had because of the encouragement and support from our captains has influenced my approach to interacting with others. For instance, while working with my peers, I always praise them for the effort that they put in and patiently help them. When applying this to class projects and theater productions, I saw an improvement on our performance and our accomplishments felt more satisfying and meaningful. My positive attitude is also influential during my job at a convalescent home. As an activities assistant, my objective is to get residents to participate in activities and to make them fun.

At times, it’s difficult to convince residents that a macaroni necklace is worth getting out of bed for, but I am always that friendly face that cheers them on and picks them up. Knowing that my happiness is brightening someone else's day is extremely valuable and is the fuel to my enthusiasm.

Preserving my optimism is not always easy; however, my excitement for the future retains my drive to overcome any challenge. Every opportunity given to me is taken advantage of, and if something doesn't go as planned. I am confident another door will open. Even though I enjoy focusing on the bright side of life, I'm aware that some people feel like they cant overcome their challenges alone. I recognized that I can be a hand to help people up, someone to believe in them, and a friend to conquer obstacles with. Using this positive influence is the very reason why I am looking forward to a career in psychology.

• Shows Impact of Your Skill: Whenever possible, try to show how your skill/talent has impacted others. Why is your skill important? And how will you use it going forward in life?
• Uses Humor: Having small moments of natural humor, when appropriate, makes for a more enjoyable essay. Even a small remark like "it’s difficult to convince residents that a macaroni necklace is worth getting out of bed for" is powerful.
• Recognizes Challenges: Nobody is perfect, and even with your greatest skill or talent there are likely still shortcomings. Recognizing your challenges is important to humanize yourself and shows self-awareness.

UCLA Example Essay #8: Significant Educational Opportunity

UC PIQ #4: Describe how you have taken advantage of a significant educational opportunity or worked to overcome an educational barrier you have faced. (350 words max)

I was going to University of Southern California for three weeks, and that was all I could think about as the school year came to a close. After finding out that I had been accepted into the Bovard Scholars program, along with one of my best friends, I could not wait for the upcoming summer. As July 16th neared, I became more and more anxious,as I did not know what to expect, but I was looking forward to this new opportunity.

The program had just been launched this year and 49 of around 500 applicants were accepted. Over the course of three weeks, the 48 other people from all over the country would be my new friends. During my time there, I would be assigned a coach who would help with the college process, whether it be working on the college application as a group or having one-on-one sessions to work on personal statements. Outside of working on college applications and essays, we had guest speakers from admissions offices, student panels where we could ask questions, career panels, and workplace visits. We also had many presentations on financial aid, fields of major, jobs, and interviews which, most of it, I did not know beforehand.

Along with all this help, we also dormed at one of the residence halls, which allowed us to experience what college life might be like. I was amazed by the diversity of people that were attending the program, and I was shocked to find out that my roommate from New York was Egyptian. We even had Resident Assistants who planned evening activities for us to further stimulate college life. However, they were not just our Resident Assistants; as we grew closer we were able to gather information from them about college.

As the program came to its end, I did not want it to stop. I had such an incredible experience and learned so much about college. I knew that the program will never truly end, though, as our coaches will continue to work with us until Spring when we are accepted into colleges.

• Specific in Achievements: Being specific and saying "49 of around 500 applicants were accepted" creates credibility. It also helps admissions officers have context about your achievements and be able to infer how significant they really were.
• Stronger First Sentence: Try starting your essay with ideas, rather than retelling events. Starting off with interesting ideas helps hook your reader, and you can later support those ideas with your experiences and achievements.
• Focus on Meaning: Emphasize what your takeaways were from this educational opportunity or barrier. Admissions officers are looking for what you learned, how it affected others, and how you'll use those lessons moving forward.

UCLA Example Essay #9: Working at Health Clinic

I worked in a health clinic in the impoverished village of Amara in Sudan this summer, expecting to be assigned general administrative duties during my internship. However, those expectations were tossed out the window within the first week. I consider myself a pretty squeamish person, so the thought of blood oozing from any injury disgusts me in ways that I cannot describe in words. So naturally, I was shocked when I didn’t flinch or faint as I held the retractors of a ravaged knee during surgery. I can’t say that I confronted the daunting tasks I was given with complete confidence, but I learned from the experiences nonetheless. At times, I would question the challenging orders given to me by the faculty, but I later realized that it was due to the lack of qualified doctors and nurses at the village.

I observed eleven surgeries, ranging from liver disease to a gruesome foot infection. The clinic worked under severe pressure, as basic resources and equipment were scarce, which ended badly for some patients. There was one particular patient who did not survive a disastrous bus crash due to the unavailability of ambulances. He was laying on the floor in agonizing pain for a lingering six hours. As the viscous blood stained the white cloth that covered him when he was brought to the clinic, I felt a surge of sorrow, anger, and helplessness. It was difficult for me to come to grips with the reality that some things cannot be undone. The emotions I felt that day slowly faded, but never completely receded. I left this internship satisfied with the invaluable knowledge I obtained, but I still feel like I needed to do more. I live a relatively privileged life, and don’t have to spend each day worrying about a measly injury that could end my life. At the time, even though I thought I was worked too hard for a high school student, I now know I didn't do enough. I’m eager to return to the clinic soon, and have hopes of gaining more experience and knowledge.

• Emphasizes the Impact: After talking about what opportunity you had or what barrier you overcame, focusing on the impact of that experience is what matters. Describing your emotions and lessons learned makes the significance of those events more clear.
• Strong Hook: Focus on finding your best idea and using that as your first sentence. Often, starting off with a story or retelling what you did can come later and isn't as important.

UCLA Example Essay #10: Most Significant Challenge

UC PIQ #5: Describe the most significant challenge you have faced and the steps you have taken to overcome this challenge. How has this challenge affected your academic achievement? (350 words max)

Education has always been important in my household, but never paramount. We were always taught to put familial needs first—even before our own. My parents always emphasized the lesson that selfishness leads to bitterness and loneliness. That value is why six new members were added to my family when my father’s brother died two years ago. I did what was expected and shifted my focus from school to helping my kin.

I remember feeling a mosaic of emotions—apprehension, prudence, and displacement—as I greeted them at the airport. The five-hour-long ride back home was awkward and somber, and the complete silence said so much more than words could. We were all just afraid of what the future had in store for us. My step aunt, my two older cousins and the three younger ones were all compassionate, loving people. Yet, I couldn't seem to shed this foreboding feeling the first time we all entered our house. Every passing week made our financial situation more tenuous. So, my brother and I volunteered to help our dad at his small pharmaceutical wholesale business after he laid off two employees. We worked after school three days a week and would return home around 8:30.

That year of juggling school with my new obligations at home and my father’s business was emotionally and physically wrenching. However, I don't pity myself and I wouldn't go back to change anything because I learned so much about my character in that year. I realized that my parent’s belief in selflessness had shaped me into a more capable person because I was able to sacrifice time from socializing and classes to contribute, in some way, to my family. And even though I was concerned that I would hurt my academic performance, I stuck to my promises. That inexplicable sense of uneasiness I felt at the airport was caused by anxiety in anticipating the new demands that could potentially exhaust me. Thankfully, the challenges prepared me for the academic rigor for my junior year, my senior year, and hopefully, for university.

• Vulnerable and Authentic: Talking about personal stories can be difficult, but often your vulnerable experiences have a lot of meaning. Being vulnerable also makes you more personable and relatable.
• Explains Realizations: Rather than focusing on what happened, focus on the impact of it and why it's meaningful. How will these past experiences and academic challenges affect you going forward?
• Stronger Conclusion: Try to connect your ending back to the beginning while expanding on it or connecting it to a universal idea. Alternatively, leave your conclusion more open ended.

UCLA Example Essay #11: Educational Challenge

Growing up, I tackled the challenge of school without much guidance from anyone other than my older sister, who is one grade higher. When I was at the young age of just five, my parents divorced and my sister and I were left with our dad, who we did not see often. Because our time with him was limited to driving us to school and home and dinner, we could not ask him for much help with homework or projects. Most of the time, we did the work ourselves or asked our uncle and aunt for help when they came on Saturdays. By the time we reached middle school, I was in more advanced classes, and although my dad had received an Associate’s Degree, he did not take advanced classes like I did, so he was unable to provide much help. My dad only took math up to geometry, and his English was not as fluent as mine, preventing him from providing much help.

Once I enrolled in high school, I was able to get help from teachers, programs, and even my sister. With this newfound help, I overcame the struggle of not knowing what to do in school and life, and I learned that help is always there, but I just needed to ask. Throughout my time in high school, I became more motivated than I was before to do the best I can and overcome anything that comes my way. I was able to do this with help from others, and I will continue to strive for greatness, overcoming any obstacles. Without the help of others, I would not have had the success that I have had in school. My good grades are a testament to the help that I have received in order for me to be where I am now. Although I can say that I have overcome this challenge, there is still one last hurdle, which is to graduate from high school, attend college, and apply everything I have learned to the real world.

• Honesty: Authenticity is most important for your essays. By revealing personal details such as your family life and struggles, you can bring admissions officers into your world.
• Sense of Gratitude: Showing a sense of appreciation and self-awareness makes you immediately more likeable. Nobody succeeds alone, so how did others in your life help you overcome difficulties?
• Provide Clarification: Some parts could be given more context, such as "why is your dad not as fluent in English?". You could use this as an opportunity to talk about your cultural background and create a more clear picture of yourself for the reader.

UCLA Example Essay #12: Self-Improvement Challenge

The saying "you can be your own worst enemy" was the embodiment of the time I hit lowest point. Finishing my 22-hour days, I expected to lay down in bed close my eyes, and smile: thinking about all my accomplishments. Instead, I was sleep deprived, rapidly losing and gaining weight, and unhappy.

As a result, I stopped being able to focus and my grades began to fall. I lost motivation and the only reason I did anything was because of my obsession with completion. In this vulnerable state, I would tell myself I was useless and shy away from taking opportunities. I started to question if could get out of the hole I dug. Ironically, I have always been an optimist. I thought about the many things I wanted to do and I wouldn't be able to do any of them from a hospital bed.

Seeing the bright light ahead of me, I moved forward to a journey of self-improvement. First, I isolated myself from things that were affecting my happiness through finding a place where I could peacefully think about why I was enduring so much pain, regularly eat, and get some sleep. When I came back from my retreat, I continued my routine which improved my health and performance in school. The greatest outcome was my realization that I was compensating for my lack of self-esteem, I've been trying to get validation from my parents and peers by trying to be perfect, but when my friends left me and my parents didn't notice my efforts I overworked myself.

It was hard to stop searching for approval, yet the support of close friends and acknowledging that I'm doing everything I'm capable of, revealed to me what its like to love yourself. From then on, I determined my self worth, no one else. Now that I found my own drive and am confident, I don't have to beg for friends. struggle to maintain grades, skip meals, or lose sleep. Presently, I can say I am no longer my worst enemy: we're like friends that get closer every day.

• Vulnerability: Showing your shortcomings and difficulties is important to reveal how you've grown and changed. Revealing your perspective and emotions also shows that you have self-awareness.
• Provide More Explanation: Don't assume that the reader will remember everything about you. For essays like this, give more context. Answer questions that will come up in the reader's mind, like "Why did you have 22-hour days?".

UC PIQ #6: Think about an academic subject that inspires you. Describe how you have furthered this interest inside and/or outside of the classroom. (350 words max)

An academic subject that inspires me is Computer Science. Computers have fascinated me ever since a young age. I used my first computer when I was 4 years old- the Apple Macintosh Performa. I began learning about how computers worked in first grade, where I had my own Windows XP computer. I did not know what I was doing when I clicked through the thousands of files that made the computer run, but it was fascinating, and almost seemed like magic. I knew that a career with computers had to be in my future.

My fascination with computers took a new meaning in freshman year, when I decided to learn how to program. I did not know where to start, so I just typed in the search browser, "how to start programming". That day, I started with the Processing Language. It was a simple language to learn, but it built the foundation for my furthered interest in the computer programming aspect of Computer Science. After a couple months of using Processing, I learned HTML/CSS and JavaScript. These languages would allow me to program a wider range of applications. Soon enough, I became bilingual in the languages of computers. As time went on throughout my freshman and sophomore years I exposed myself to more languages like SQL, Batch Scripting, and in junior year, Java.

In my junior year I took AP Computer Science A, and finally after all the years of loving computers, I was able to take Computer Science as a class where I learned the Java language. I also furthered my interest in Computer Science by integrating it with the Engineering club on campus, using the Arduino and Raspberry Pi.

This year I am in Computer Integrated Manufacturing, where I can implement my knowledge of Computer Programming into Engineering, through the use of Corel Draw with the Laser Cutter Printer and AutoDesk Inventor and OpenGL C++ Code with the CAD 3-D Printing machine.

Computer Science has always been a part of my life inside and outside of the classroom, and I seek to continue pursuing it as my major.

• Connects Interests to Extracurriculars: Showing how your activities relate to your passions reveals your motivations and what drives you. By connecting to extracurriculars, it also creates a more complete picture of your application.
• Specific In Naming Things: Whenever you are able to, being specific is better than being vague. By naming programming languages and classes, the story becomes more compelling.
• Explain Why These Things Interest You: What is the root aspect of your interests that intrigue you? Try explaining how you feel when doing these activities and what motivates you. Admissions officers want to know how these interests developed, and more importantly, why they developed.

UC PIQ #7: What have you done to make your school or your community a better place? (350 words max)

I am "Korean big toes", "a water panda in disguise", and "Mr. Sweatface" - these are the nicknames I happily accepted over the years. My life was a buoyant bubble, full of gratification, funny nicknames, and simple pleasures; but that changed when I was confronted with the inhumane conditions of the LGBT centers around my town.

Stepping into the stone-house building, a few things immediately caught my attention. The rooms were small, full of broken furniture, smelled of mold, and had poor lighting; moreover, there was no privacy and extremely limited resources. It was obvious that the facility didn't have the funds to sustain itself, let alone help anyone trying to assimilate back into society. My heart ached as I realized the advantages I had been taking for granted; the idealistic mirage of reality I previously held, was now replaced by an overwhelming truth: Life isn't fair. Everyone in that facility had been criminalized for their sexuality, and I was going to do something about it!

Over the next few weeks, I brainstormed ideas and eventually decided on creating a blog where I would share the stories of anyone who was willing to speak up for change. The clickety-clack of my keyboard filled the common rooms of LGBT centers around my city. I slowly-but-surely interviewed the residents of these homes, recording stories of inequality and discrimination. As I uploaded each story to my blog, I felt a sense of accomplishment knowing that I was breaking down barriers and fulfilling my passions. Furthermore, reading the comments flooding my inbox, I realized that although the LGBT centers in my area still remain underfunded, I had made an impact on individuals through my blog and did something for a community I genuinely cared about. It was more than I could have ever hoped for.

In my quest to create change, I forged a new nickname for myself -- "advocate"; except, unlike the titles I was bestowed as a kid, this nickname represented my creativity, ingenuity, and passion, and for those reasons, it is more precious than anyone will ever know.

• Vivid Descriptions: Painting a picture can make your stories immediately more interesting. By using descriptive language and word choice, your stories have more life to them.
• Conclusion That Connects to Beginning: Try connecting your ending back to the beginning, but with a new perspective or take. By bringing your essay full circle, it creates a sense of cohesiveness.
• Name Things Specifically: Rather than being general and saying "LGBT centers", the author could name one specifically. Since not everyone may be faimilar with the concept of "LGBT centers", it helps make your essay more concrete and easier to interpret.

UCLA Example Essay #15: Empowering Others Through Peer Tutoring

I never thought that I would tutor other people after school, but that was what I did my junior year and now in my senior year. During my freshman and sophomore years, I was the one being tutored by upperclassmen who had taken my classes before. Receiving help from others inspired me to become a tutor my junior year so I could give back and share the opportunity that I had. At first, I was not sure if I would be up to the task, as I did not feel confident in my teaching abilities in various subjects. As time went on, however, I became at ease and comfortable tutoring anyone the more I tutored along with my peers.

Every day from Monday through Thursday, I went to library as much as I could to help tutor with others from 3 to 4 o’clock, and it slowly became a part of my daily schedule. To begin with, I was not the greatest teacher, but as I helped more and more, I gradually became better at it due to teaching the same concepts repeatedly. Not only was I helping the person I was tutoring understand the subject, but I also was becoming better at the subject by teaching it. Teaching a subject allowed me to relearn concepts and ideas that I had forgotten, as well as studying for a subject if I was tutoring a classmate.

Motivated by wanting to help other students, I was able to be at tutoring most days, and this led to me receiving a tutoring award at my school’s California Scholarship Federation banquet at the end of the year. It was a surprise to me as I was not expecting to be honored. To me, the best award was the satisfaction of helping others understand how to do homework questions and them being grateful for the help. Although this year tutoring is not being held in the library yet, I joined another club that tutors after school for the time being so I can continue helping others and spread my knowledge.

• Shows Their Realizations: Realizations and new understanding are how people change. That's why its important to look for what lessons you learned, and what you took away from your activities.
• Explain Why: Try to predict what questions will arise in the reader's mind, and answer those questions. For this essay, one question that is unanswered is "Why did you never think you would tutor other people?".

UC PIQ #8: Beyond what has already been shared in your application, what do you believe makes you stand out as a strong candidate for admissions to the University of California? (350 words max)

This was the night. Clenching my fists, I called my dad over. Maybe it was the adrenaline coursing through my veins or maybe just suspense, but time seemed to freeze as anxiety washed over my consciousness. A million doubts flooded my mind as I dreaded what would come next. The pitter-patter of his feet hitting the tile floor brought me back to reality. My dad had always loved and supported me, I just had to trust that things would be alright.

In a quivering voice, my hands shaking, I explained to my dad that I was gay. After a brief moment of silence, my dad said ten words that completely changed my life: "I raised you completely wrong, get out of my house". I was devastated, but I wasn't surprised. This was the same person physically forced pork down my throat when I told him I wanted to become a vegetarian; who would hit me and my mom if either of us voiced dissenting opinions; and the same person who would come home drunk and threaten to kill us. With tears running down my cheeks, I packed my belongings and drove my 98' Nissan Pathfinder away from my home. From that night on I learned to be brave, to follow my dreams, and to fight for what I believe in.

The next few years were tough. In my community, being gay was unacceptable and embracing my identity meant enduring the consequences. I will never forget being dragged into a storage room and choked or hiding the bruises I got from being pelted by textbooks. But looking back, I realize that the lessons I learned drove me towards success. They inspired me to be relentless and graduate early, to surpass expectations by doing college-credit classes, and remain strong in the face of oppression and adversity. Moving forward, as I look to broaden my education horizons, I know that I have the emotional vitality to success wherever I go. So I want to dedicate this essay to my dad and to everyone who made me strong, thank you.

• Honest and Vulnerable: Talking about personal stories can be impactful. Often the most difficult stories are the ones that need to be shared.
• Explains Your Perspective and Emotions: Sharing how you felt in a certain moment can allow the reader to "be in your shoes." By telling your perspective, you allow admissions officers to better understand your experience.
• Focus On Takeaways: Although stories are important, what matters more is the lessons and takeaways from those stories. The majority of your essay should be focused on those ideas, with a smaller portion where you talk about what actually happened.

UCLA Example Essay #17: Fostering Inclusive Leadership

All around us, the world is dominated by big voices, people who can present themselves positively and effectively elaborate on their opinions. Many of our most successful politicians carve their paths to the top through their charisma and articulate language. Unfortunately, while many of them possess a strong voice, many of them don’t possess that same strength in listening. While their job is to represent the people, there is a large disconnect between their perspective and the perspectives of their citizens. Even in Congress, civilized debate has transformed into a shouting battle, where both parties attempt to push their ideas, but neither side is willing to listen.

In contrast, a leader with an open ear, an open mind, and an open heart is exactly what I bring to the table. I believe that everyone has a unique story to share. From the most flamboyant billionaires to the people living on the streets, every single person possesses their own unique set of skills, perspective, and knowledge that can be useful to learn from. Because of this, I make it my priority to listen to and understand the human behind each team member I work with. In recognizing each person’s strengths and weaknesses, I’m able to build a positive environment in which every person is able to reach their maximum potential.

For example, when it comes to group projects, I always make sure to know the personalities of those I’m working with and create a transparent and inclusive environment that is conducive to productivity. Rather than dishing out assignments and deadlines, I make sure everyone is able to contribute in a way that matches their strengths and skills. Furthermore, by creating such a transparent atmosphere, group members are able to understand each other’s situations and help each other out like an actual team, allowing everyone to be both productive and pleased.

With all the divisiveness that is taking place in the country today, it is more necessary than ever to have open-minded leaders such as myself to help bring this campus and this nation together.

• Strong Hook Sentence: Using a thought-provoking idea to start your sentence immediately draws the reader in. By having a unique take on the world, people want to read more and are interested by your thoughts.
• Using Examples to Explain: For abstract ideas and concepts, try using a real life example to make things more clear. Capture the essence of your ideas and find what is at the core of them.

Stepping foot in public has been like opening a floodgate to questions and comments about the one thing that I've been looked down upon my entire life for - my height. Standing out because I was 4'9" wasn't something I was proud of; I was picked last for sports, not taken seriously, and often used as a human arm rest. My mom warned me life was going to be hard if I didn't drink my milk. However, people aren't aware that my appearance is a deception and what makes me extraordinary is that I've outgrown myself. People should be asking me how a person so "big" can fit into a girl so tiny. I have a huge personality, dreams, goals, and a plethora of talent. My achievements earned me such a high standing that I do know what the weather is like up there, yet, my head is never in the clouds because my distance from the ground makes me down to earth.

My only oddity is that my anatomy has grown out of proportion. It's hard to believe that with such short arms, I can extend them long enough to touch hearts with my art and performances. I have been devoted to helping people and educating myself ever since I was young, but who knew that my brain and heart would become so gigantic? Despite my how big my brain is, I keep my head as small as my body because I value letting others know that I'll never overlook them.

Although I haven't hit as many significant growth spurts as the average person. I grow with ambition every day, considering every moment a step closer to success. Being able to pursue my passions at a university will allow me to continue maturing into a person who will one day be looked up to by many. The reader of my response cannot see the facade that has been the subject of many peoples first impressions of me. instead, they will observe that even though I can't reach the top shelf, I can still reach my goals in life.

• Using Metaphors: Explaining something ordinary (like being short) in an unusual or not-so-common way can show your unique take on it. By using metaphors, you can connect seemingly unrelated ideas together.

What can you learn from these UCLA essays?

These UC essays are not perfect—nor should they be—but each has interesting ideas and a unique perspective.

Compared to some private university essays , UC essays are relatively straightforward.

So focus on making each UC essay express one interesting idea as your answer.

Here's my top 4 lessons for UCLA essays:

• Avoid too much storytelling and descriptions. You only have 350 words, so focus on ideas.
• Answer every part of the prompt, clearly. Avoid implying your answer. Make sure your idea is crystal clear and relevant.
• Showcase a different aspect of yourself with each essay. Avoid re-using topics, unless you're taking a very different angle.
• Show your thinking. As with all successful essays, your thinking is most important.

Also applying to UC Berkeley?

I've collected additional essays from admitted Cal students that are completely unique from these UCLA essays.

If you're interested, check out these our essays that worked for UC Berkeley .

Which UCLA essay that worked was your favorite? Let me know!

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People love to ask why. Why do you wear a turban? Why do you have long hair? Why are you playing a guitar with only 3 strings and watching TV at 3 A.M.—where did you get that cat? Why won’t you go back to your country, you terrorist? My answer is... uncomfortable. Many truths of the world are uncomfortable...

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UCLA Personal Statement: FAQ, Examples & Insider Tips

UCLA is part of the University of California system, which is comprised of nine campuses throughout the state. Students applying to UCLA must use the UC application — the University of California system does not use the Common App or Coalition Application. The application process includes several personal statement prompts, or what UC refers to as personal insight questions. Keep reading to learn more about these prompts and tips for responding to them.   

Does UCLA Need a Personal Statement? 

For admission to any of the University of California schools, including UCLA, you are required to respond to the personal statement prompts, which becomes part of the holistic review. What does holistic review really mean?  

IvyWise counselor Tiffany explains, “holistic review really means and acknowledges that there are multiple parts of your personality, your talents, and your application — and the admissions office is willing to consider each of those areas.” The UCLA essays provide insight into who you are beyond how you perform in the classroom. It helps the admissions committee picture how you will contribute to the campus community. 

UCLA Personal Statement 2023 

Well-crafted essay responses may give you an edge over another strong candidate with comparable academic performance. Taking the time to research how to get into UCLA and including specific and relevant details in your responses will make your personal statements much stronger. According to the University of California, your responses to the personal insight  questions “provide context for the rest of your application.”  

How Long Is the UCLA Personal Statement? 

The UC system provides eight personal insight questions for the 2023-24 admissions cycle. You are required to respond to four of them. Each response should be 250 to 350 words. Review the questions carefully and choose the four that you feel are the most relevant to your circumstances and life experience.  

Why Is UCLA So Hard to Get Into? 

UCLA receives more applications than any other college or university in the U.S., making it highly competitive. The UCLA acceptance rate is less than 9%, making it one of the most selective schools in the UC system. And because it’s state-funded, admissions preference is given to California residents. Therefore, it’s even more challenging for non-California residents to gain admission. For the class of 2027, the acceptance rate was 9.46% for in-state students, 8.62% for out-of-state students, and 6.09% for international students.  

To be competitive, your application should emphasize the three most important factors for UCLA admissions officers: the rigor of your high school coursework, your GPA, and your personal insight essays. Other factors — such as extracurriculars, volunteer/work experience, personal qualities, and talents/skills — are also important but not given as much weight.  

What Does a Good Personal Statement Look Like? 

It takes time and practice to learn how to write a personal statement that’s compelling and competitive. Your essays should demonstrate your intellectual curiosity, a positive attitude, and the personal characteristics that make you a good fit for UCLA. It’s an opportunity to highlight the educational and personal experiences that shaped you as well as your talents and skills — all of which demonstrate how you will contribute to the campus community both inside and outside of the classroom.  

Examples of Personal Statements for UCLA 

Below are the personal insight questions for the 2023-24 admissions cycle — these are the prompts for UCLA and all other schools in the UC system. There is no right or wrong way to respond to these prompts, but these examples can help you think about how to approach your own essays. Since the UC application can go to multiple University of California schools, these responses don’t specifically mention UCLA.   

1. Describe an example of your leadership experience in which you have positively influenced others, helped resolve disputes, or contributed to group efforts over time.

Leadership is about empathy, understanding, and finding common ground. My leadership style has been defined by these principles, especially after an experience I had during my sophomore year.  

I joined the student council, serving as a liaison between my peers and the faculty. That year, our school’s annual talent show was in jeopardy due to a heated dispute among the planning committee. I organized a meeting for the committee members to address their concerns and find common ground. I listened to each person’s perspective and soon understood that the arguments stemmed from a lack of clarity about roles and responsibilities.  

To resolve the issue, I proposed a clear division of tasks and responsibilities, which was agreed upon by the committee. I also suggested regular check-ins to ensure everyone was on the same page. The show was soon back on track!  

I continued to lead the team, ensuring everyone felt heard and valued, and reminded them of the positive impact our efforts would have on the school community. We worked together tirelessly to make the talent show a success, and the entire experience was a testament to the power of collaboration and empathy.  

This leadership experience highlighted the importance of active listening and empathy in resolving disputes and fostering a positive group dynamic. It also reinforced the idea that leadership isn’t about being in the spotlight but about facilitating teamwork and collaboration. By focusing on the needs and concerns of everyone on the team, I was able to bring about a harmonious resolution and contribute to the success of the talent show.  

As I embark on my college journey, I carry with me the valuable lessons I learned during this experience. I’m excited to continue developing my leadership experience and making a positive impact on the world.  

2. Every person has a creative side, and it can be expressed in many ways: problem solving, original and innovative thinking, and artistically, to name a few. Describe how you express your creative side.

Creativity makes life more vibrant and full of endless possibilities. It’s in how I approach problems, the stories I write, and the visions I bring to life through photography.  

Problem-solving has always been my playground for creativity. When faced with a challenge, I don’t just take the conventional path—I twist, turn, and reshape it. Once in math class, we had to figure out a complex probability problem. I designed a colorful, interactive game to help solve it. The teacher loved it, and my peers started seeing math in a new light.  

Through storytelling, I can craft worlds, characters, and emotions. I write short stories, poetry, and even started working on a novel. I take pride in sharing my thoughts and ideas through my writing, hoping to inspire others to explore their creative sides.  

Photography is my way of capturing the world’s magic. Whether it’s the rusty old bike leaning against a graffiti-covered wall or a breathtaking sunset over the ocean, I strive to capture the extraordinary in the ordinary. It’s my hope that my photos ignite a sense of wonder in others and encourage them to view the world with a fresh perspective.  

My creativity isn’t confined to just one box—it’s constantly meandering into different channels. Whether I’m solving problems, spinning tales, or snapping pictures, my creative side is an ever-evolving, kaleidoscopic expression of who I am. It’s about breathing life into the mundane, stirring curiosity, and letting my imagination roam free.  

As I look ahead to college, I envision myself exploring new horizons, meeting fellow artists and thinkers, and discovering fresh ways to express my creativity. My creativity is always evolving, ready to burst with the new colors and patterns of campus life. I’m excited to see where my creative journey will lead me.  

3. What would you say is your greatest talent or skill? How have you developed and demonstrated that talent over time?

I’ve known since childhood that I’m meant to be an animator. Over the years, I’ve nurtured this talent, honed it, and painted my imagination into vibrant, moving pictures.  

My journey into animation started with doodles in the margins of my notebooks. I couldn’t help but bring life to those still images. It was a spark of magic, and I was hooked. I began teaching myself the basics of animation, poring over online tutorials and practicing relentlessly.  

In high school, I joined the art club, where I had the chance to work on collaborative projects and learn from other passionate artists. But what truly set my journey in motion was an independent project creating an animated short film for a school competition. It was a daunting task, but I was determined to give it my all.  

For weeks, I sketched frames, adjusted details, and tweaked animations until they felt just right. My story was about a young astronaut exploring a distant planet, a reflection of my own sense of adventure and curiosity. The process was grueling but incredibly rewarding.  

The final product played on the screen during the competition to applause and positive feedback. I was overwhelmed with a sense of accomplishment, and I realized that this was what I wanted to pursue in life.  

As I reflect on my journey, I see the growth in my abilities. I’ve developed a keen eye for detail, a better understanding of storytelling, and a deep appreciation for the art of animation. What started as doodles in my notebook transformed into a passionate pursuit of a craft that allows me to express my creativity in unimaginable ways.  

The University of California represents the next step in my animation adventure. I’m excited about the opportunity to study animation in a structured and collaborative environment, where I can learn from experienced professionals and immerse myself in this art form. My dream is to work in the animation industry, creating stories that touch hearts, inspire minds, and make people believe in the magic of animation.  

4. Describe how you have taken advantage of a significant educational opportunity or worked to overcome an educational barrier you have faced.

One of the most significant educational barriers I’ve faced is my struggle with dyslexia. Reading and writing doesn’t come naturally to me, and for a long time, I felt like I was lagging behind my peers. The education system seemed designed for students who could effortlessly absorb information from textbooks, while I had to fight for every word.  

I was determined not to let dyslexia define me and sought out opportunities to overcome it. I reached out to a school counselor who connected me with Learning Ally, a specialized reading program. Through countless hours of hard work and dedication, I began to make progress. It was slow, but it was progress—and that’s what mattered most to me.  

I also tapped into tools like text-to-speech software and speech recognition. These resources allowed me to engage with the material in a way that accommodated my unique learning style. They transformed my educational experience, giving me a sense of empowerment and independence.  

Soon, I began to realize the power of resilience. My struggle with dyslexia taught me that it’s not the challenges we encounter, but how we confront them, that truly matters. I became more proactive about advocating for my educational needs and helping other students with similar challenges.  

By taking advantage of the educational opportunities available to me and embracing the tools that could help me succeed, I learned that every obstacle is an opportunity in disguise. I may not be the fastest reader or have the strongest writing skills, but I’ve developed a unique perspective and a tenacity that will serve me well in the future.  

I aim to carry this spirit of determination with me to the University of California. Overcoming my educational barriers made me ready to face any challenge that comes my way. I hope to inspire others who face similar hurdles to believe in their own ability to overcome obstacles.  

5. Describe the most significant challenge you have faced and the steps you have taken to overcome this challenge. How has this challenge affected your academic achievement?

Childhood cancer. These two words don’t just represent a medical condition—they carry emotional weight.  

My younger sister’s leukemia diagnosis was gut-wrenching for our family. Then came a whirlwind of doctor’s appointments, hospital stays, and endless uncertainty into our lives. My parents were consumed by the daily fight for my sister’s life. The stress and emotional toll of the situation were immense, and it inevitably impacted my academic performance.  

Eventually, I learned to manage my time effectively, squeezing in study sessions during hospital visits and late nights. I explained my situation to teachers and my school counselor, and they provided the necessary support and accommodations to help me stay on track academically.  

I became involved in initiatives to raise awareness and funds for leukemia research. I organized fundraisers, volunteered at children’s hospitals, and participated in awareness campaigns. These actions not only provided a sense of purpose during a challenging time but also allowed me to make a difference in the lives of other families facing similar battles.  

Academically, it’s been a rollercoaster ride. I’ve had periods of academic excellence, followed by moments where I struggled to keep up. But I’ve come to realize that true success isn’t defined by grades; it’s about rising to a challenge and finding strength in the face of adversity. My sister taught me that.  

My sister faced a life-threatening illness, but she rose to the challenge and has been cancer-free now for a year. Her strength inspires me. I now aspire to become a pediatric oncologist, using my knowledge and passion to help children like my sister.  

This challenging time affected my academic achievement, but it also transformed me into a stronger, more compassionate individual. I hope to use what I learned from this experience as fuel for my academic journey and my future mission to help children and families facing childhood cancer.  

6. Think about an academic subject that inspires you. Describe how you have furthered this interest inside and/or outside of the classroom.

Stars, galaxies, and black holes have always fascinated me. This cosmic curiosity isn’t limited to just the classroom.  

I’m that kid who can’t get enough of astrophysics: the theories of Einstein, the mysteries of dark matter, and the birth and death of stars—these are the puzzles I love to ponder. My teachers say I’m a space geek, and I wear that title proudly. I’ve aced my AP Physics and astronomy courses. When it comes to space, I can talk your ear off about everything from the Big Bang to wormholes.  

I founded an astronomy club at my school, and every stargazing night is a chance to explore the universe. Armed with telescopes, we scan the night sky, trying to spot distant galaxies and nebulae. There’s something magical about watching a meteor shower or the phases of the moon. I’m connecting with the cosmos, and it’s mesmerizing.  

I’ve also helped organize public telescope viewings at a park near my house. Sharing my passion with others is as thrilling as uncovering the secrets of the universe. Watching the wonder in a child’s eyes as they see Saturn’s rings for the first time is a feeling like no other.  

Outside of school, I follow the latest discoveries, read scientific journals, and even tune into space exploration missions. When NASA’s Perseverance rover touched down on Mars, I was glued to the live feed, dreaming of the day I might work on such missions myself.  

I’m excited to meet other space geeks in college, joining them in exploring the mysteries of the cosmos and contributing to humanity’s understanding of the universe. I’m looking forward to taking the next step toward making my dream of becoming an astrophysicist a reality.

7. What have you done to make your school or your community a better place?

I believe that even small gestures can create ripples of change, and that’s what I’ve set out to do in my school and in my community.  

I helped make my school a better place by starting a kindness club. It all began with a simple idea: to spread positivity and create a more inclusive environment. We organize events like “Compliment Day” and “Kindness Challenges” to encourage students, teachers, and staff to uplift one another. Through these activities, I’ve seen smiles, laughter, and friendships bloom. It’s been heartwarming to witness the impact of kindness on our school culture.  

Mentoring younger students has also been incredibly rewarding. I volunteer as a tutor at an after-school program, helping the students with their homework and providing academic support. It’s not just about assisting them with their schoolwork—I offer encouragement and help them develop confidence in their abilities.   

Beyond these organized efforts, I’m a firm believer in leading by example. I try to be a source of positivity and support for my peers. Whether it’s offering a listening ear or helping someone who’s struggling, I want to be someone others can lean on.  

These experiences have not only enriched my school and community but have also taught me the power of compassion, empathy, and the importance of giving back. As I look ahead to college, I hope to continue making a positive impact. Whether it’s through joining service-oriented clubs or starting new initiatives, I’m excited to contribute to my new community in any way I can. Because, in the end, it’s not about grand gestures; it’s about the collective effort to spread positivity and make the world a better place, one small act at a time.  

8. Beyond what has already been shared in your application, what do you believe makes you a strong candidate for admission to the University of California?

In my small Sierra County, California, town, opportunities for exposure to the vast expanse of knowledge and experiences tend to be scarce. The resources required for an ambitious student’s intellectual growth are limited, and it’s quite a distance to any town with robust educational amenities. However, amidst this lonely setting stands a beacon of hope and knowledge—our local library.  

The library is my haven, my classroom, and my window to the world beyond the comforting but stifling embrace of small-town life. It is where my curiosity is nurtured and my ambitions are fueled. The library’s partnership with other libraries allows me to access a wider range of materials, and I take advantage, checking out an array of books and magazines that supplement my classroom learning and open my mind to the wider world.   

I believe the self-discipline, resourcefulness, and inquisitiveness I honed during those countless hours in the library make me a strong candidate for admission to the University of California. I am accustomed to making the most of what is available, a skill that will serve me well in a university setting. Moreover, my humble upbringing instilled in me the values of hard work, determination, and a genuine appreciation for education.  

I am excited about the prospect of transitioning from a small town to a prestigious institution where the opportunities and resources are boundless. I am eager to contribute my unique perspective shaped by my experiences and in turn, learn from the myriad experiences of others.  

I may have fewer accolades compared to those from more resourceful backgrounds. However, I have a relentless spirit, a profound appreciation for learning, and a ceaseless curiosity to explore beyond the familiar. I am poised to embrace the vast academic and extracurricular opportunities at the University of California, eager to continue my journey of self-discovery and contribute to the community with the earnestness and determination that have brought me this far.  

Once you have a draft for the four prompts you selected, it’s time to start revising and refining. 

UCLA Personal Statement Tips   

The UCLA admissions committee is looking for responses that ring true, so feel free to demonstrate your personality in your essays. Admissions officers can tell when a student isn’t being authentic! Nothing makes your essay more authentic than writing about what excites and motivates you. IvyWise counselor Victoria suggests thinking about what you love to do and what you’re interested in so you can “think about ways that you can show who you are, how you think about the world, and what’s important to you through those topics.” 

While you’re encouraged to be yourself, it’s also important to be cautious. The UCLA admissions office advises students to “be careful with humor and clichés” in their essays. Humor can be easily misinterpreted, and clichés are unoriginal and detract from your voice. As the examples above illustrate, using specific details to show UCLA who you are is important. Just keep in mind that they want to know more about who you are right now than who you plan to be in the future.  

Even with these tips, you might struggle to craft your essays for UCLA. IvyWise is here to help! Our counselors have served as admissions officers at some of the top colleges and universities in the U.S. and have read thousands of essays. Schedule an Initial Consultation to learn how we can help you with the college admissions process.  

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Home » IvyWise College Admissions Blog » College Admission Advice » College Application Tips » UCLA Personal Statement: FAQ, Examples & Insider Tips

Personal statement

Most uc campuses require a personal statement in addition to a statement of purpose. make yours count..

While the statement of purpose highlights the goals and experiences related to the research area you plan to pursue, your personal statement (also called a history or diversity statement) is an opportunity for the review committee to learn about the unique qualities and perspectives you’ll bring to the program.

Crafting a strong Personal Statement

Simply put, the statement of purpose is about your work, while your personal statement is about you – and how you’ll contribute to the diversity of ideas. Draw on your unique background to present yourself as an ideal candidate for the graduate program to which you are applying.

Tell your story This is your opportunity to expand on your background, highlight unique experiences, challenges and triumphs and give the committee a more compelling reason to accept you. If a personal statement is not requested, consider incorporating this content into your statement of purpose. It is in your best interest to offer supplemental information when given an opportunity.

Describe goals, achievements and challenges

• Describe your academic and career goals and highlight how graduate school will advance them.
• Tell how personal experiences shaped your aspirations, and don’t shy away from discussing poor grades or large time gaps in your resume.
• Address any particular challenges you’ve faced, and how you worked to overcome them.
• Focus on issues that have had an impact on your education, such as being raised in a single parent household, working to help support family, thriving in unsafe environments, persevering with physical or other challenges or coming from an underrepresented minority group.

Showcase experiences related to diversity 

• Mention your engagement in programs that increase diversity in your chosen field, such as participation in undergraduate academic preparation, diversity and equity programs, higher education pathways and summer research opportunities, and mentoring underrepresented students.
• Explain how your experiences have deepened your understanding of the barriers facing ethnic minorities, women, and others underrepresented in higher education or how your experiences have helped advance efforts to improve inclusion of these groups.
• Highlight research you have conducted that addresses underserved populations, such as issues of race, gender, equity and inclusion, disparities in health or educational access, and human rights. Mention artistic and cultural works you have produced that reflect diverse communities and voices not well represented

Remember, write a statement specifically tailored for the program to which you are applying. This allows the admission’s committee an opportunity to see exactly who you are.

Personal Insight Questions

The following are tips to help applicants find appropriate topics, styles and tones for their answers to the personal insight questions. Please also see the University of California’s instructions for first-years  and for transfers .

As we read your application, including your answers to the personal insight questions, we’re looking for evidence of your intellectual curiosity and your interest in personal development. UCLA has such a creative, ambitious and diverse student body. We’re always on the lookout for applicants who will contribute to the intellectual vitality, cultural life and diversity of UCLA.

• These questions are about getting to know you better, so be open, reflective, find your individual voice and express it.
• First-Year Applicants: You will have eight questions to choose from, you must respond to any four of the eight questions. The questions you choose to answer are entirely up to you.
• Transfer Applicants: There is one required question you must answer; then you answer three out of seven additional questions. Which three of the seven you choose to answer are entirely up to you.
• All applicants: We recommend you select questions that are most relevant to your experience and best reflect your individual circumstances.
• All questions will be given equal consideration in the application review process, which means there is no advantage or disadvantage to choosing certain questions over others.
• Each response is limited to a maximum of 350 words.

Tips for Success

We hope these tips will help you get organized and will inspire you. Your accomplishments, your opinions — you are important! Your answers to these questions are the best tool you have to show us the individual gifts you have to offer to the UCLA community.

Start early.

Give yourself time to think about your topics and carefully consider the rationale behind each question.

Be clear. Be focused. Be organized.

Make sure your answers to the questions follow a logical structure. Try to think about how it may seem to an audience who doesn’t know you. Input from people you trust — teachers, friends, relatives — can help you get perspective on how your answers affect those who are reading them.

Be careful with humor and clichés.

What might seem funny or bitingly ironic to you may not seem that way to someone who doesn’t know you. Remember that these questions are an opportunity for you to give us a complete picture of yourself. Don’t allow clichés to speak for you.

Don’t manufacture hardship.

Your answer to a personal insight question isn’t effective simply because it chronicles difficult circumstances. An effective answer to any question gives us a clear sense of your personal qualities and how you’ve used and developed them in response to your opportunities and challenges.

Use specific examples to illustrate your ideas.

Prove to us with written examples that you have a sense of who you are, where you’re going and how you will use your education and experiences to accomplish your goals. Although some events have long-term or even lifetime ramifications, it’s usually better to focus on recent events because they shed more light on who you are right now.

Finally, give yourself plenty of time for revisions.

Read your writing to others, and revise for clarity in content and in style. Pay attention to rules of correct grammar and punctuation, and don’t forget to spell check.

Please visit the University of California site for more help with your personal insight questions, including the text of the questions you will be asked to answer.

How to Answer UC’s Personal Insight Questions

Special Instructions for Veterans

We’re interested in knowing about your military service. Therefore, you may wish to use the personal insight questions to communicate the following:

• Describe how your military service has been instrumental in developing your educational plans.
• Indicate if you’re entitled to educational benefits as a result of your own military service or the service-connected death or disability of a parent or spouse.
• Indicate if you’re affiliated with the military such as, but not limited to, the spouse or dependent of someone who is on active duty or a current participant in an ROTC-type program.

Spanish-Language Versions

The UC Personal Insight Guides are also available in Spanish.

• Tips in Spanish for first-years (PDF)
• Tips in Spanish for transfers (PDF)  
• Writing tips in Spanish (PDF)

What are your chances of acceptance?

Calculate for all schools, your chance of acceptance.

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How to Write a Personal Statement for a Scholarship + Examples

What’s covered:, what is the purpose of the scholarship personal statement, what to include in your personal statement, personal statement example: breakdown + analysis, how to make sure your writing is effective.

Either before or after you’ve gotten into your dream school, you’ll have to figure out how to pay for it. For most students, this involves a combination of financial aid, parent contributions, self-contributions, student loans, and scholarships/grants. Because scholarships are money out of someone else’s pocket that you never have to pay back, they are a great place to start!

Scholarships come in two forms: merit-based and need-based. Need-based scholarships are also often called grants. These designations tell you whether an organization looks at your financial situation when deciding about your scholarship.

Additionally, different scholarships fall under different categories based on the mission of the organization or person providing the scholarship’s financing. These missions typically emphasize different things like academic achievement, specific career goals, community service, leadership, family background, skill in the arts, or having overcome hardship. As you select scholarships to apply for and complete your applications, you should keep these missions in mind.

No matter what type of scholarship you are applying for, you will be asked to provide the review committee with standard materials. This includes your transcript, GPA, and resume/extracurriculars, but also, importantly, your personal statement. A scholarship personal statement is a bit different from your normal college essay, so we’ve put together this guide and some examples to help you get started!

The purpose of your personal statement is to help a review committee learn more about your personality, values, goals, and what makes you special. Ultimately, like with your college essays, you are trying to humanize your profile beyond your transcript, GPA, and test scores.

College essays all have one goal in mind (which is why you can apply to multiple schools at once through applications like the Common App or Coalition App): convince admissions officers that you would be a valuable addition to the university environment. The goal of your scholarship personal statement is different and differs more from one scholarship to the next. Rather than convincing various review committees that you are a generally good candidate for extra funding for college, you need to convince each review committee that your values have historically aligned with their organization’s mission and will continue to align with their organization’s mission.

Common missions amongst those who give scholarships include:

• Providing opportunities for students with career ambitions in a particular field
• Helping students who have experienced unexpected hardship
• Supporting students who show outstanding academic achievement
• Funding the arts through investing in young artists with strong technical skill
• Supporting the development of civic-minded community service leaders of the future
• Providing opportunities for historically underrepresented ethnic communities 

If a specific mission like this is outlined on an organization’s website or in the promotional material for its scholarship, the purpose of your personal statement is to show how you exemplify that mission.

Some scholarships ask for your personal statement to be guided by a prompt, while others leave things open for interpretation. When you are provided a prompt, it is obvious what you must do: answer the prompt. When you are not provided a prompt, you want to write a personal statement that is essentially a small-scale autobiography where you position yourself as a good investment. In either case, you should identify a focus or theme for what you are trying to say about yourself so that your application does not get lost in the shuffle.

Prompts include questions like:

• Why do you deserve this scholarship?
• How have you shown your commitment to (leadership/community service/diversity) in your community?
• When did you overcome adversity?
• Why is attending college important to you?

If you are provided a prompt, develop a theme for your response that showcases both your values and your achievements. This will help your essay feel focused and will subsequently help the review committee to remember which candidate you were as they deliberate.

Themes include things like:

• I deserve this community service scholarship because my compassion for intergenerational trauma has inspired me to volunteer with a local after-school program. I didn’t just sympathize. I did something about my sympathy because that’s the type of person I am. Within the program, I have identified avenues for improvement and worked alongside full-time staff to develop new strategies for increasing attendance.
• I overcame adversity when my mother had to have a major surgery two months after giving birth to my younger brother. I was just a kid but was thrown into a situation where I had to raise another kid. It was hard, but I’m the kind of person who tries to grow from hard times and, through my experience taking care of a baby, I learned the importance of listening to body language and nonverbal cues to understand the needs of others (baby and nonbaby, alike).

Without a prompt, clarity can be harder to achieve. That said, it is of the utmost importance that you find a focus. First, think about both your goals and your values.

Types of goals include:

• Career goals
• Goals for personal growth
• The type of friend you want to be
• The change you want to make in the world

Values could include:

• Authenticity
• And many more!

After you write out your goals/values, write out your achievements to see what goals/values you have “proof” of your commitment to. Your essay will ultimately be an exploration of your goal/value, what you have done about your goal/value in the past, and what you aspire to in the future.

You might be tempted to reflect on areas for improvement, but scholarships care about you living out your values. It is not enough to aspire to be exemplary in leadership, community service, or your academic field. For scholarships, you have to already be exemplary.

Finally, keep in mind that the review committee likely already has a copy of your extracurricular activities and involvement. Pick one or two accomplishments, then strive for depth, not breadth as you explore them.

My interest in the field of neuroscience began at a young age.  When I was twelve years old, my sister developed a condition called Pseudotumor Cerebri following multiple concussions during a basketball game.  It took the doctors over six months to make a proper diagnosis, followed by three years of treatment before she recovered.  During this time, my love for neuroscience was sparked as I began to research her condition and, then, other neurocognitive conditions.  Later, my love of neuroscience was amplified when my mother began to suffer from brain-related health issues.  My mother had been a practicing attorney in Dallas for over twenty years.  She was a determined litigator who relentlessly tried difficult cases that changed people’s lives.  Now, she suffers from a cognitive impairment and is no longer able to practice law.  Oftentimes, she has headaches, she gets “cloudy,” her executive functioning slows down, she feels overwhelmed, and she forgets things.  My mother has gone from being the strong, confident, emotional and financial caretaker of our family to needing significant help on a daily basis. Once again, with this illness came a lot of research on my part — research that encouraged me to pursue my dreams of exploring neuroscience.

Due to my experiences with my mother and sister when I was in middle school, I knew that I wanted to make a difference in the field of neuroscience.  I also knew that, to obtain this goal, I needed to maintain superior grades in school while also pursuing opportunities outside of school to further my education.  In school, I was able to maintain superior grades to the point where I am currently valedictorian in a class of 567 students.  In addition, in school, I challenged myself by taking 16 Advanced Placement classes and 19 Honors classes.  Two of the most beneficial classes were AP Capstone Seminar and AP Capstone Research.  AP Capstone Seminar and AP Capstone Research are research-oriented classes where students are given the opportunity to pursue whatever track their research takes them down.  As a junior in AP Capstone Seminar, I researched the effects of harmful pesticide use on the prevalence of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) in children.  This year, as a senior in AP Capstone Research, I am learning about the effects of medical marijuana on the treatment of Multiple Sclerosis (MS).  

Outside of school, I furthered my education through taking advantage of the Duke TiP summer program. Duke TiP is a summer program run by Duke University where students who score extremely well on the SAT as middle schoolers are able to take college classes at different universities throughout the summers of their middle school and high school years.  I took advantage of this opportunity twice.  First, I went to Trinity University in San Antonio to expand my horizons and learn more about debate.  However, once I was done exploring, I decided I wanted to go into neuroscience.  This led me to take an Abnormal Psychology class at Duke University’s West Campus.  This class opened my eyes to the interaction between neuroscience and mental health, mental illness, and personality.  Years later, I am currently continuing my education outside of school as an intern at the University of Texas Dallas Center for Brain Health.  Through this internship, I have been able to see different aspects of neuroscience including brain pattern testing, virtual reality therapy, and longitudinal research studies.  With this background, I have positioned myself to be accepted by top neuroscience programs throughout the nation.  So far, I have been accepted to the neuroscience department of University of Southern California, the University of Virginia, the University of Texas, and Southern Methodist University, as well as the chemistry department at University of North Carolina–Chapel Hill.  

It is with this passion for neuroscience driven by my family and passion for education driven by internal motivation that I will set out to conquer my career objectives.  My educational aspirations consist of acquiring a bachelor’s degree in a biological or health science that would assist me in pursuing a medical career as a neuroscience researcher.  I decided to attain a career as a researcher since my passion has always been assisting others and trying to improve their quality of life.  After obtaining my Masters and my PhD, I plan to become a professor at a prestigious university and continue performing lab research on cognitive disorders.  I am particularly interested in disorders such as Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD).  In the lab, I hope to find different therapies and medications to help treat the 3.5 million people around the world suffering from ASD.  Furthermore, I want to contribute back to underserved populations that struggle because they do not have as much access to medical assistance as other privileged groups.  As such, I hope to do a part of my research in less developed or developing Spanish-speaking countries. This will also allow me to pursue my love of Spanish while pursuing my love of neuroscience.  I think that following such a career path will provide me the opportunity to learn about the medical needs of the autistic community and improve their quality of health.  Furthermore, I hope to train a new generation of students to strive to research and make comparable discoveries.  Whether it be through virtual reality labs or new drug discoveries, I believe that research leads to innovation which leads to a brighter future. 

This student does a great job of making themself appear competent and dedicated to the field of neuroscience. This is primarily because they provided tangible evidence of how they have pursued their dedication in the past—through their AP Capstone courses, their Abnormal Psychology class at Duke TiP, and their internship at UTD. There is no doubt in the mind of a reader that this student is high-achieving. 

This student also engages successfully with a past-future trajectory, where they end with a vision of how they will continue to use neuroscience in the future. This helps the review committee see what they are investing in and the ways that their money will go to good use.

This student has two major areas for improvement. As we have said, the purpose of a personal statement is for a student to humanize themself to a review committee. This student struggles to depict themself separately from their academic achievements. A solution to this would be for the student to establish a theme towards the beginning of their essay that relates to both their values as a human and their achievements.

At the beginning of the essay, the student explores how their interest in neuroscience began. They explain their interest through the following sentences: “During this time, my love for neuroscience was sparked as I began to research her condition and, then, other neurocognitive conditions” and “Once again, with this illness came a lot of research on my part — research that encouraged me to pursue my dreams of exploring neuroscience.” The student made the great decision to tell the backstory of their interest, but they described their research in very mundane and redundant terms. Instead, they could have focused on their value of intellectual curiosity as a magnetic force that encouraged them to research their mother and sister’s ailments. Curiosity, then, could serve as a value-related thematic throughline to taking AP Capstone classes, taking college courses during the summer that weren’t required, and interning before even graduating high school.

A second area for improvement would be avoiding statistics. As the student identifies their valedictorian status and the number of AP classes they have taken, they might turn away certain personalities on a review committee by appearing braggy. Even further, these statistics are a waste of space. The review committee already has access to this information. These words distract from the major theme of the essay and would have been better used to humanize the student.

Throughout my academic career, I have been an avid scholar, constantly pushing myself towards ambitious goals. I held and continue to hold myself to a high standard, enrolling myself in rigorous curriculum, including Honors and Advanced Placement courses to stretch my mental potential. During my junior year of high school, I took four AP tests, two on the same day, and earned the AP Scholar with Honor Award. Additionally, I received the Letter of Commendation for the PSAT/NMSQT, and qualified for Rotary Top 100 Students both my freshman and senior year, a sign of my commitment to my studies. However, school has not been all about having the best GPA for me; beyond the numbers, I have a deep drive to learn which motivates me to do well academically. I truly enjoy learning new things, whether it be a new essay style or a math theorem. I always give each class my best effort and try my hardest on every assignment. My teachers have noticed this as well, and I have received school Lancer Awards and Student of the Month recognitions as a result. It is a major goal of mine to continue to aspire towards a high level of achievement regarding future educational and occupational endeavors; I plan on continuing this level of dedication throughout my educational career and implementing the skills I have learned and will learn into my college experience and beyond.

This fall, I will begin attending the University of California Los Angeles as an English major. I chose this major because I am fascinated by written language, especially its ability to convey powerful messages and emotions. I also enjoy delving into the works of other authors to analyze specific components of their writing to discover the meaning behind their words. In particular, I cannot wait to begin in-depth literary criticism and learn new stylistic techniques to add more depth to my writing. Furthermore, I recently went to UCLA’s Bruin Day, an event for incoming freshmen, where I was exposed to many different extracurriculars, some of which really piqued my interest. I plan on joining the Writing Success Program, where I can help students receive free writing help, and Mock Trial, where I can debate issues with peers in front of a real judge. The latter, combined with a strong writing background from my undergraduate English studies will be extremely beneficial because I plan to apply to law school after my undergraduate degree. As of now, my career goal is to become a civil rights lawyer, to stand up for those who are discriminated against and protect minority groups to proliferate equality.

As a lawyer, I wish to utilize legislation to ameliorate the plight of the millions of Americans who feel prejudice and help them receive equity in the workplace, society, and so on. Though this seems a daunting task, I feel that my work ethic and past experience will give me the jumpstart I need to establish myself as a successful lawyer and give a voice to those who are often unheard in today’s legal system. I have been a Girl Scout for over a decade and continually participate in community service for the homeless, elderly, veterans, and more. My most recent project was the Gold Award, which I conducted in the Fullerton School District. I facilitated over ten workshops where junior high students taught elementary pupils STEM principles such as density and aerodynamics via creative activities like building aluminum boats and paper airplanes. I also work at Kumon, a tutoring center, where I teach students to advance their academic success. I love my job, and helping students from local schools reach their potential fills me with much pride.

Both being a Girl Scout and working at Kumon have inspired me to help those in need, contributing significantly to my desire to become a lawyer and aid others. My extracurriculars have allowed me to gain a new perspective on both learning and teaching, and have solidified my will to help the less fortunate. In college, I hope to continue to gain knowledge and further develop my leadership skills, amassing qualities that will help me assist others. I plan to join multiple community service clubs, such as UCLA’s local outreach programs that directly aid residents of Los Angeles. I want to help my fellow pupils as well, and plan on volunteering at peer tutoring and peer editing programs on campus. After college, during my career, I want to use legal tactics to assist the underdog and take a chance on those who are often overlooked for opportunities. I wish to represent those that are scared to seek out help or cannot afford it. Rather than battling conflict with additional conflict, I want to implement peaceful but strong, efficient tactics that will help make my state, country, and eventually the world more welcoming to people of all ethnic and socioeconomic backgrounds. These goals are close to my heart and therefore I will be as diligent as I am passionate about them. My perseverance and love for learning and community service drive my ambition in both education and life as a whole, and the drive to make the world a better place is one that I will carry with me for my entire life.

This student emphasizes two values in this essay: hard work and community service. These are values that go together nicely, and definitely make sense with this student’s end goal of becoming a civil rights lawyer! That said, some changes could be made to the way the student presents their values that would make their personal statement more convincing and engaging.

Structurally, instead of using a past-future trajectory, this student starts by explaining their academic achievements, then explains their career goals, then explains their history of community service, then explains their future desires for community service. This structure loses the reader. Instead, the student should have started with either the past or the future. 

This could look like 1) identifying their career goals, 2) explaining that hard work and a commitment to community service are necessary to get there, and 3) explaining that they aren’t worried because of their past commitment to hard work and community service. Or it could look like 1) providing examples of their hard work and community service in the past, then 2) explaining how those values will help them achieve their career goals.

Additionally, like with our other example, this student shows a heavy investment in statistics and spouting off accomplishments. This can be unappealing. Unfortunately, even when the student recognizes that they are doing this, writing “beyond the numbers, I have a deep drive to learn which motivates me to do well academically. I truly enjoy learning new things, whether it be a new essay style or a math theorem,” they continue on to cite their achievements, writing “My teachers have noticed this as well, and I have received school Lancer Awards and Student of the Month recognitions as a result.” They say they are going beyond the numbers, but they don’t go beyond the awards. They don’t look inward. One way to fix this would be to make community service the theme around which the essay operates, supplementing with statistics in ways that advance the image of the student as dedicated to community service.

Finally, this student would be more successful if they varied their sentence structure. While a small-scale autobiography can be good, if organized, every sentence should not begin with ‘I.’ The essay still needs to be engaging or the review committee might stop reading.

Feedback is ultimately any writer’s best source of improvement! To get your personal statement edited for free, use our Peer Review Essay Tool . With this tool, other students can tell you if your scholarship essay is effective and help you improve your essay so that you can have the best chances of gaining those extra funds!

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Click here to visit the UWC’s full website, where you can find more information about how to make an appointment, learn more about its locations and services, and more.

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Drafting Strong Personal Statements for Scholarships

Date/Time Tuesday, February 8, 2022 12:00 pm - 1:00 pm

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The personal statement can be an intimidating part of any application! In this workshop, you’ll learn brainstorming and writing techniques that can help focus and hone your writing skills for well-written scholarship statements and essays.

Enrolled participants will receive a reminder on the day of the Workshop. You can also access all of your enrolled workshops from my.UCLA. 

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Writing Your Personal Statement for Your Residency Application

This is your opportunity to highlight your strengths and to really be clear about your goals. 

Remember that this is your chance to focus on your medical career objectives, i.e. what specialty you'd like to go into and what your ultimate goals might be. This is one of the few places where you can let your personality come through. Don't forget that you want to make sure that you are clear about why you want to go into the specialty and what you want to accomplish.

Furthermore, your personal statement gives you an opportunity to bring to light any hardships you or your family overcame (especially significant for underserved or disadvantaged students). 

Your personal statement should include the following:

• Why do you want to go into your chosen specialty? What about it attracted you and what led to your decision?
• What activities, research projects, or rotations helped make your decision? What are you currently doing or what have you done in the past to show your commitment to the specialty and profession?
• Why would you be a good candidate for this specialty? What special qualities or unique characteristics make you special in regards to this specialty?
• What is important to you in a program, clinically and academically (make sure that what you say matches what the program offers)
• What are your future goals in regards to the specialty?

Tips for writing your personal statement :

• Keep it short (1 pg maximum)
• Avoid abbreviations & jargon
• Make sure to allow enough time to prepare and write your statement
• Have others read through it to make sure it makes sense
• Read it aloud to make sure it flows together nicely
• Always double and triple check for any spelling, grammar, or other mistakes
• Come to the SAO to have an advisor look over your personal statement

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Aspiring for higher education requires a compelling personal statement. This section offers a curated selection of personal statement samples specifically tailored for university applications. These samples will guide you in highlighting your academic achievements, extracurricular activities, and personal growth relevant to your desired course of study.

Sample MIT Personal Statement

At one time, I thought that it was nearly impossible for a ‘normal human’ to get into universities like MIT, Stanford, and Harvard. However, of late I have been inclined…

read more ….

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You have successfully subscribed, most popular personal statement samples by university, harvard personal statement example.

Explore our guide on crafting a compelling Harvard personal statement, complete with detailed steps and illustrative examples. Learn how to convey your experiences, goals, and qualifications effectively, stand out among other applicants, and increase your chances of admission to Harvard’s esteemed graduate programs.

100+ Grad School Personal Statement Examples

Looking for inspiration for your grad school personal statement? Check out our collection of over 100 personal statement examples from successful graduate school applicants. From engineering to psychology to business, these examples will help you write an essay that showcases your unique self and increase your chances of being accepted into your dream program.

UCLA Personal Statement Example

The following personal statement was written by an applicant who was admitted to UCLA. This personal statement is intended to provide an example of a successful essay for a top school like UCLA. Sample Personal Statement for UCLA I fear the remote thought of being the...

Example LSE Personal Statement in Economics

The following personal statement is written by an applicant who got accepted to Masters’s program in Local Economic Development at London School of Economics. Read this essay to understand what a top Personal Statement in economics should look like. Sample Personal...

Sample Cambridge Personal Statement Computer Science

Cambridge is one of the most prestigious universities in the world and among the most competitive global schools. The following essay was written by an applicant who got accepted to Cambridge's Ph.D. program in Computer science program. Read her essay to understand...

Sample MIT Statement of Objectives

MIT's graduate school requires applicants to write a statement of objectives, mostly for Ph.D. program. The objectives statement tells MIT why you want to do graduate work in your chosen area of research. The statement should contain technical jargon that reflects...

This Personal Statement got him into Analytics at Georgia Tech

Here is a sample personal statement of an analytics professional with three years of experience working in Amazon. This candidate was able to secure admission into top analytics programs like Georgia Tech, NCSU, and NYU. He has graciously shared his successful essay...

Sample Math Personal Statement (Oxbridge)

The following personal statement is written by an applicant who got accepted to top graduate programs in math. Variations of this personal statement got accepted at Oxford, and Cambridge university. Read this essay to get inspiration and understand what a top math...

(Low GPA) Sample Personal Statement Oxford Computer Science

Below is a personal statement written by an applicant who was accepted to Oxford university’s computer science program. He earned his undergrad in electrical engineering with a 2.2 GPA. This example personal statement is also a great sample of how one can explain bad...

These MBA essays got him into Kellogg Northwestern

The following essays are written by an applicant who was admitted to the MBA program at Northwestern University’s Kellogg business school. With over five years of work experience in Fintech, the applicant has diverse work experience in corporate finance and startups....

Sample Personal Statement Finance (MIT Sloan)

Here is the personal statement of an applicant who got admitted to MIT Sloan's Masters in Finance program. For personal statement, Sloan poses several questions to applicants, which the admissions committee expects to be answered in an essay form. MIT...

9 Successful INSEAD Essays

The following essay examples were written by an applicant who was admitted to INSEAD. These essays are intended to provide examples of successful INSEAD application essays. Essay 1 INSEAD Briefly summarise your current (or most recent) job, including the nature of...

Sample MIT Ph.D. Personal Statement

At one time, I thought that it was nearly impossible for a ‘normal human’ to get into universities like MIT, Stanford, and Harvard. However, of late I have been inclined to think that not only many ‘normal’ students are applying but they are also getting admissions.

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Personal statement tips & advice, the ultimate guide to writing a grad school personal statement, learn how to explain a low gpa in a personal statement, write a killer opening paragraph of your personal statement, formatting and structuring your personal statement.

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Personal Statement Samples by Field

8 mba personal statement examples from ivy leagues, 4 law school personal statement examples from top programs.

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Personal Statement Samples Answering Specific Prompts

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Personal statement samples with word limits, 500 word personal statement, 750 word personal statement, 1000 word personal statement.

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Personal Statements for Scholarships

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Graduate Admission

Graduate – prospective – admission.

All persons who are admitted into the graduate program of the Department of English at UCLA enter the first phase of the doctoral program, successful completion of which results in the MA.  If you come to UCLA with the master’s degree, you may waive certain course requirements (see below), but you must pass the First Qualifying Examination (which also grants admission into the second phase of the doctoral program).

Admission to the program is based on a thorough review of your academic record. Ordinarily, if you hold the BA, you are expected to meet these minimum requirements: an undergraduate major or program that prepares you for the advanced study of literature, and a grade-point average in English courses in the junior and senior years of at least 3.5. Because of funding constraints we are able to offer admission to a limited number of international students.

Application Components:

• UCLA online graduate application – available via the “Launch Application Form” link at:  https://grad.ucla.edu/admissions/admission-application-for-graduate-admission/ . Submission fee required.
• A statement of purpose – Entered directly into the online application system, where you will find detailed prompts. Please be sure to observe the character limit on your statement that is specified in the online application form. Care should be taken with the statement of purpose and the writing sample (below), as the quality of thought and argument these exhibit, as well as their style, weigh significantly in admissions decisions.
• A personal statement – Uploaded directly into the online application system, where you will find detailed prompts. The Personal Statement is an opportunity for you to provide additional information that may aid the selection committee in evaluating your preparation and aptitude for graduate study at UCLA. It will also be used to consider candidates for the Cota-Robles fellowship. The suggested length is 500 words.
• A writing sample – The sample should be about the length of a seminar paper (15 to 25 pages). However, excerpts of longer works can be submitted, and should demonstrate the applicant’s interest, competence, and experience in the chosen field of specialization. Writing samples are uploaded using the online application system.
• Three letters of recommendation attesting to your ability to succeed in graduate study.  Letters are submitted via the online application system.
• Transcripts – Unofficial transcripts of all undergraduate and graduate work must be uploaded into the online application system. (To read more about the parameters that define an acceptable unofficial transcript for the purposes of application review, click here ). Admitted students will be required to provide official, sealed transcripts directly to the English department (see address below) at a later date. NOTE: Transcripts from community colleges and short-term study abroad programs are not necessary, as the coursework will be reflected on your undergraduate transcript.
• TOEFL/IELTS scores (for international students whose first language is not English or who did not receive their Bachelor’s Degree in an Anglophone country) must be submitted before an application can be reviewed. This requirement cannot be waived.  Please visit https://grad.ucla.edu/admissions/english-requirements/ . to confirm whether the TOEFL/IELTS is required and to view minimum acceptable scores.
• The GRE is no longer required for applicants to our program.

For fall 2025 admission, the submission deadline for all application materials is December 2, 2024.

We admit applicants only in the Fall quarter. All admitted applicants are automatically considered for recruitment fellowships and teaching assistantships. These awards are usually made in mid-March. Questions about need-based aid should be directed to the  Financial Aid Office  at (310) 206-0400.

Please visit the UCLA Graduate Division website at  https://grad.ucla.edu/ for information regarding funding, application procedures, and general graduate information.

Admitted students may order e-delivery of official transcripts to [email protected] . If your institution does not support electronic transmission of transcripts, please reach out to [email protected] .

If you should have further questions about the admissions process or the status of your application, please contact the English Department Graduate Assistant at (310) 825-3927 or  [email protected] .

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UCLA Successful Essay Examples

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UCLA is one of the most popular universities in California. In recent years, it has received a record number of applications. If the West Coast  calls to you and you like the idea of finding your niche in a large top tier university, UCLA may be the school for you. If you’re still working on your responses to the UC essay prompts, these examples may help. 

One of the most sought-after UC schools, UCLA is a dream school for many Californians. More than 100,000 students applied to UCLA last fall, and the numbers are expected to remain the same for this upcoming application season. For those of you applying this Fall, the regular application filing period is November 1-30. If you’re still working on your UC essays, here are 5 successful examples that might inspire you to write yours: 

UC Los Angeles ‘20

Prompt: Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community, or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

It was my fault. I had chosen this topic for my math exploration, armed with only the feeblest grasp of actual concept. Music, math, and the harmonic series…I sighed. In the time-honored tradition of all students, I had turned to Google for succor. The words on the screen blurred together hazily. “Pythagoras discovered that a string exactly 1/nth its length produces a frequency n times the original frequency…” It just didn’t make sense: what did a bunch of numbers have to do with musical consonance? Read her full UCLA application essay.

A bright orange glow reflecting on the water, I love watching the sunrise at the beach. I grew up less than ten minutes away from the Atlantic and my early childhood memories include frequent trips to the beach. Although the beach is a stunning sight, the beach is not always pristine. My family and I regularly remove trash from the beach, including commercial fishing and industrial debris, particularly after storms, sometimes in quantities almost too heavy to carry. Unlock his full UCLA profile read his application!

Prompt: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

Starting in 6th grade, I spent every summer at Jon Lee’s East Beach volleyball camp. Most kids came and went on a weekly basis, but I just stayed. There was nowhere else I would rather have been, than at East Beach playing volleyball with my friends. I loved it so much that I sought out faster improvement, committing to more formal training with an AVP professional player. View his full successful UCLA profile.

T-shirt. I had never heard of DECA before. Curious, I asked him more about it, and learned that it was “a club for, like marketing and business”, as he called it. Her persuaded me to join and we planned to compete together in the Sports and Entertainment Marketing Team even. Unlock his full UCLA profile read his application!

Prompt: What would you say is your greatest talent or skill? How have you developed and demonstrated that talent over time?  

I can read koalas with turtles and I can eat ice cream with friends in North Korea. This is all possible due to the power of Photoshop. Photoshop is like a straw that allows people’s eyes to drink from my imagination. I can make anything and put it anywhere; from sea monsters in the ocean to winged toasters at my birth. For nearly four years, I have used Photoshop to express myself in an adventurous way, one that offers me wider avenues than music or writing do. I am constantly improving my photoshopping abilities and therefore expanding the limits of my expression. Unlock his full UCLA profile read his application!

Are you looking to apply to UC Schools? or just starting to build out  your college list ? Make sure to search through profiles of students accepted to see essays, stats, and advice. See how they got in, and how you can too!

About The Author

Frances was born in Hong Kong and received her bachelor’s degree from Georgetown University. She loves super sad drama television, cooking, and reading. Her favorite person on Earth isn’t actually a member of the AdmitSee team - it’s her dog Cooper.

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• How to End a Personal Statement With Impact

Your statement-ending paragraph is your last chance to make an impact, but it's essential to make sure that you summarise your main points and explain why you're qualified and willing to participate in the program with a strong ending. A compelling, realistic conclusion can give your application that extra oomph and show the admissions committee that you're the right choice. Just like writers on deadline, you might trip up on your statement's ending line. Here are some common mistakes to avoid:

• Repeating information already covered without adding new insight
• Introducing new ideas or topics that should have been discussed in the body
• Using clichés or overly sentimental language that doesn't add value
• Ending abruptly without a clear summary of your points
• Overstating your achievements or future aspirations

How to End a Personal Statement Correctly

Ending your personal statement firmly is crucial. If you’re ever struggling with concluding your paper, a personal statement writing service can help. If you're determined to master conclusion writing, though, here's a simple, straightforward guide to crafting a compelling conclusion.

1. Reflect on Your Opening. Go back to your introduction . A good ending will often have an echo of the opening, which sits rather like a bookend to your statement. Don’t repeat your statements word-for-word, but perhaps offer a recap of the theme you developed or the little anecdote on which you started.

2. Summarise Key Points. Most guides for how to write a conclusion for a personal statement suggest that, at a minimum, students should briefly summarise the major themes they’ve discussed. Don’t simply recite facts; instead, create a sense of closure, revealing to the reader how your experiences and goals interrelate logically, culminating in your desire to join the program.

3. Connect to Your Future. Tie your story back to the opportunity at hand. Explain how the program will be important in helping you to reach your career or academic goals. Illustrate your plans to achieve these goals and make it clear that this program is included in your plan.

4. End with a Strong Closing Sentence. When concluding a personal statement, finish with a sentence that packs a punch. Show where you are headed next. It may be your word choice, your vow of commitment to the topic, or your powerful statement of passion and readiness to work in your chosen field. In any event, make it consistent with the tone and emphasis of your essay, and make it say what you need it to say about you.

5. Keep It Simple and Authentic. Resist the urge to drown readers in big words or have grandiose claims. The conclusion should sound sincere and genuine. Don’t make it too fancy or out of reach. Every sentence should add to the main point. Nothing should wander off.

Examples of Good and Bad Personal Statement Conclusions

Finishing up your personal statement can be a make-or-break moment in your application. It's your opportunity to stand out. That is why finding a good personal statement conclusion example can be helpful. Alternatively, you can consult an online writing service for some extra tips. Below, we'll look at five examples of some good and bad ways to conclude a personal statement.

It’s A Wrap!

As you finish your personal statement, remember that the conclusion should help tie up your argument. Our tips on how to write a personal statement will come in handy. Having read this article, you should know how to conclude a personal statement easily. Use the tips we’ve shared to craft an ending that shows off your suitability for the program. Make sure that your closing remarks remain genuine and clear-headed. This will give the admission committee a confident and positive impression of you and a sense that they know what you want to achieve.

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40 vision statement examples and how to come up with a great one

Defining your purpose and long-term goals is essential when building your company or career, ensuring those around you align with your objectives. However, the challenge is learning how to start and create a successful business or career that can quickly help you reach your goals. That is why, as a beginner, you must review some of the best vision statement examples from big companies and learn how to create yours.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Company vision statement examples, vision statement examples for businesses, personal vision statement examples, 1. understand your strengths, 2. outline your goals, 3. know your values, 4. seek a different point of view, 5. choose your desired position, what are the three parts of a vision statement, what is a powerful vision statement.

Why do you need a company vision statement? With the business environment becoming competitive every year, most consumers now consider companies that share their core values and pain points. Therefore, you must have a unique selling statement to get as much traffic as possible.

Vision statement examples

What is a vision statement example? A vision statement can be a simple or elaborate description of a company's future desires. However, what remains common is that the statement must be unique and outline a specific goal a company strives to achieve. Here are the best vision statement examples from the top-rated companies.

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Every company has its long-term vision and how it intends to achieve it. Some of the inspirational statements from noteworthy firms include:

• Amazon: Our vision is to be the earth's most customer-centric company, to build a place where people can find and discover anything they want to buy online.
• Apple: To make the best products on earth and leave the world better than we found.
• Walmart: Be the destination for customers to save money, no matter how they want to shop.
• Tesla: To create the most compelling car company of the 21st century by driving the world's transition to electric vehicles.
• Disney: To be one of the world's leading producers and providers of entertainment and information.
• Coca-Cola: To craft the brands and choices of drinks that people love, to refresh their body and spirit.
• Nike: To bring inspiration and innovation to every athlete in the world.
• Patagonia: To use all of its resources to defend life on earth.
• General Motors: To become the world's most valued automotive company.
• Microsoft: To help people throughout the world realize their full potential.
• Google: To provide access to the world's information in one click.
• Chevron: To be the global energy company most admired for its people, partnership, and performance.
• JP Morgan Chase: To be the best financial service company in the world. Because of our great heritage and excellent platform, we believe this is within our reach.
• Wells Fargo: To satisfy our customers' financial needs and help them succeed financially.
• Ikea: To create a better everyday life for the many people.

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Businesses also create vision statements to demonstrate their commitment to the quality of their products and services. Here are top vision statement examples for businesses to copy from.

• Ben and Jerry's: Making the best ice cream in the nicest possible way.
• Starbucks: To establish Starbucks as the premier purveyor of the finest coffee in the world while maintaining our uncompromising principles while we grow.
• Warby Parker: We believe that buying glasses should be easy and fun. It should leave you happy, good-looking, and with money in your pocket. We also believe that everyone has the right to see.
• All Blacks: Inspiring and unifying through rugby.
• Walgreens: To be the leading partner in reimagining local healthcare and wellbeing for all.
• Kellogg's: A good and just world where people are not just fed but fulfilled.
• Novartis: To be a trusted leader in changing the practice of medicine.
• Astellas: On the forefront of healthcare change to turn innovative science into VALUE for patients.
• The Nature Conservancy: A world where the diversity of life thrives, and people act to conserve nature for its own sake and its ability to fulfil our needs and enrich our lives.
• Southwest Airlines: To be the world's most loved, most efficient, and most profitable airline.
• Zoom: One platform delivering limitless human connection.
• American Express: Provide the world's best customer experiences every day.
• LinkedIn: To create economic opportunity for every member of the global workforce.
• Lego: A global force for learning through play.
• Honeywell: To continuously improve the way we do things so that we can capture greater value not just for us but also for our customers.

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A personal vision statement propels you towards your career or life objectives. It focuses on your strengths, values, ambition, compassion, and inspiration and guides you toward achieving your goals. Here are examples of personal vision statements to copy.

• To live a life filled with purpose, passion, and meaningful connections .
• To always project an aura of capability to others so they are inspired to work with me or move out of my way.
• A world that only follows the rules when they are beneficial to follow – otherwise, break them.
• To be such a good leader, my services are no longer required.
• To increase the standard and quality of the world's leaders through rigorous training and strengthening of character in today's youth.
• To create a world where walking up to someone and starting a conversation is no longer seen as weird.
• Spreading the gospel through words and deeds of kindness.
• To create a place where young people in our area get their training and prepare themselves to become adults.
• To ensure people who come to me often never have to return for the same issue.
• Empowering clients to adopt a sustainable and balanced approach to fitness.

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How to come up with a great vision statement

Follow these simple steps to create a grand vision statement that will inspire others to follow you.

If you are writing a personal vision statement for your career, start with identifying the strengths that make you the most desirable candidate for the job and how to apply them. Focus on marketable skills and those that align well with your dream job. You can also declare your abilities and how they can allow you to adapt to possible changes in your career.

Ensure the statement captures how and where you envision yourself or your company in the next five or ten years. You do not need to list your goals or the steps to achieve them. However, your statement should answer vital questions like:

• Where do you want to take your company?
• Are the goals realistic?
• How do you intend to make things different once you achieve your goals?
• Does the statement have keywords or phrases that describe you or your company and the goals you intend to achieve?
• What challenges do you intend to solve?

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Your values define your attitude and professional approach, no matter how achievable your goals are. It is also easier to reach your goals if you understand your values and impact on those surrounding you. When outlining your values, try to answer the following questions:

• Does your statement include how you or your company can benefit the society?
• How do you balance work and life?
• How much are you motivated to inspire others ?
• Can you take responsibility for your actions?

Your vision statement can only address the core elements if you allow others to review it and give feedback. When writing a company's vision statement, consider asking other stakeholders what they think.

These can be investors, customer representatives, employees, and board members. For a personal vision statement, you can seek reviews from your coworkers, professional network, partner, and close friends with whom you spend most of your time.

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Your vision statement should align with your profession or your products and services. This will help you create a statement that addresses the challenges within your field and how you can solve them.

When choosing your position, narrow your focus on the specific field or job rather than a broader industry . You should also note what you hope to accomplish within the field to make reaching your long-term goals easier.

Why it is essential to review vision statement examples?

Reviewing vision statement examples can provide invaluable insights for several reasons:

• It provides valuable insights and guidance for crafting a vision that is clear, inspiring, and aligned with your organization's goals.
• Vision statements are meant to inspire and provide direction. By reviewing examples, you can understand how other organizations articulate their long-term goals and aspirations, which can help you craft a clear and compelling vision for your own organization.
• Looking at vision statements from successful companies provides a benchmark for quality.
• Examining various examples can help you avoid common mistakes, such as being too vague or too narrow.
• Allows you to see how different organizations tailor their vision statements to their unique mission, values, and market position.
• By reviewing examples, you can explore different approaches and decide which one best fits your organization's ethos.
• Helps ensure that your vision is aspirational and aligned with your long-term strategy.

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When creating a vision statement, it is essential to include all the elements that define your purpose and how your consumers can benefit. That means a strong vision should consist of three vital parts: defining what you do, how you do it, and why.

It should clearly articulate an organisation's or individual's long-term aspirations. It ought to be future-oriented, resonate with fundamental values, and motivate stakeholders to work collectively towards a common goal.

If you are stuck creating a great vision statement for your business or career, use the above vision statement examples as your guide. A vision statement is a crucial declaration that motivates a company or person to work towards its long-term goal.

Legit.ng recently published questions to ask to get to know someone romantically. The first step in any relationship is knowing your partner. This process determines how well you suit each other; therefore, you must know your potential partner as much as possible.

Knowing questions to ask to get to know someone romantically can sometimes be challenging. This compilation provides multiple questions to kickstart the journey of understanding your crush.

Source: Legit.ng

Mercy Mbuthia (Lifestyle writer) Mercy Mbuthia is a content writer with five years of experience writing on various topics, including biographies, entertainment, and lifestyle. She joined the Legit team in 2019. Mercy earned a Master of Science (Food, Nutrition & Dietetics) from Dedan Kimathi University in 2022. Her articles have appeared on several media sites such as The Health Channel, The Nation, Tekrati, ValiantCEO and Celebrity Leader. In 2023, Mercy finished the AFP course on Digital Investigation Techniques. Email: [email protected]